Three Years

May 17th, 2012

I started this blog three years ago this week. I’d been in the local community about one year at that point. So, four years in the kinky community. It has definitely been the “bumpy, wild and sometimes very dark” ride that I promised in that first post. I has also been wonderful, amazing and very fun. There has been love and joy. There has been anger and pain. There have been incredible highs and dizzying spirals. My life has been filled with new people, new experiences, new love, new family, and new growth, I have battled old demons, old habits, old programming, and old beliefs. I have learned new skills, new ways of being, new ways of communicating, and discovered new strengths inside myself. I have made plenty of mistakes, uncovered weaknesses, become lost and broken. But through it all, I have found support, I have learned, I have grown, and I continue to strive for better. I have found joy in helping, in serving, in teaching and in guiding others.

I have discovered things that did not work for me, but they do not make me a failure. I have learned from these experiences, just as much as any others, perhaps more. And I am still learning from them, and teaching from them. That is one of the reasons I created this blog, so others who might read it would not feel alone, would know that others are having similar experiences. I have often found it hard to write about these things when they are happening, but I think I got around to most of them eventually. Often when the problem was solved, or at least finally understood, was I able to reflect publicly on it.

I started this blog anonymously. I think it was a year before I started sharing it with people, with my significant others and with my friends in the community. About the same time that I created PervertedImp.com and started double posting at both WordPress and the .com. I still haven’t decided if I’m ever going to stop the WordPress one and just have it forward to the .com. I don’t have much of a following there, but I do have a few. (WordPressers, comment if you’d like me to keep that blog up, or just come join the rest of us at .com.) I still keep a separate Fetlife account, though the lines are getting a bit fuzzy with Modern Dungeon Quarterly posts. And it is the pen name I use for my erotica. The internet created feelings of protective anonymity in my generation, and I find it useful to keep.

Well, that paragraph went around in a lot of odd circles. Let’s move forward.

I’ve put together collections of my erotica from this blog, both stories and scene descriptions. Organized by subject matter, into short PDFs with a few things that were never posted here. Some were posted on Fetlife and some were published in Pill Hill Press’s erotica anthologies. I want to offer them to you, my readers, for free. You can find them on the new Erotica Collections page, where you can also make a donation if you like, or click over to HP Magcloud to purchase a printed copy. Each week I’ll post another one, until they are all up. I’ll also be putting together an anthology of all of them together which will be available next month.

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Modern Dungeon Quarterly Now Available

February 8th, 2012

Finally defeated the governmental red tape and got my vendor’s license today.

Modern Dungeon Quarterly Issue 1

Modern Dungeon Quarterly: Modern Dungeon Quarterly Issue 1

Find out more on MagCloud

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RedBull and COPE

September 8th, 2011

I’m working on a big project for friends this week, and I’ve got a deadline of tomorrow evening, so I brought home RedBull today. I’ve only had a few ounces so far, but I’m definitely feeling it. Bouncing and excited and far more awake than I have any right to be. So, cool things.

The fourth issue of Erotica Quarterly is now available to read online at Pill Hill Press for free.  My story, For Him is the third story in this issue. You can buy a hard copy of this issue from Pill Hill Press, or on Amazon in a few days. I’ll be getting a one myself soon.

Next week, on Tuesday, I’ll be posting an eLust digest of a bunch of posts – erotica and articles, that I’m included in, so look for that.

COPE this weekend here in Ohio. I’m looking forward to it, I haven’t been to the last two Big events. Saturday’s classes for me will be mostly presented by Two Knotty Boys and Douglas Kent. I’m thinking of going to a service class for the extra spot, not sure yet. Maybe I’ll sleep in. Going to play with hubby, fire with a friend, and try out the sacred touch of the Scarlet Sanctuary.

Oh clothes! I haven’t officially decided what I’m wearing this weekend, but I definitely think I’ll be taking the bracelet toy got me with the Celtic bdsm symbol on it. I think part of the plan is to wear hubby’s big sparkling shirts that are just a bit too small for him anymore. I think there’s a dragon one I like. And probably the black silk pants that are just a bit too big, but fun anyway. Anyone local reading this anymore that Doesn’t know who I am?

Ah, RedBull. I should stop now while I’m ahead. See you next week. Monday is going to be excellent, I can hardly wait.

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Daily Flashes of Erotica Quarterly #2 Now Available

March 10th, 2011

From the Pill Hill Press Website:

Daily Flashes of Erotica Quarterly #2 (April – June 2011)

Cover Price $9.99
Published by DFE Quarterly, an Imprint of Pill Hill Press
ISBN-13: 978-1-61706-098-4

Featuring daily doses of adult flash fiction, DAILY FLASHES OF EROTICA QUARTERLY is published four times per year. As a daily flash fiction calendar anthology, a 1500 word or less short story is featured for every day of the calendar year (April – June 2011). This is a fun and steamy anthology designed for busy adult readers.
Buy Now from Pill Hill Press for $8.99 (plus shipping).

Available soon from Amazon.com or BN.com, but not yet, as of this posting.

I am not an affiliate of any of these sites and do not earn a penny off your purchase of this book. However, Shiny is April 7th, and for those of you who know me, I’d be happy to sign a copy.

 

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Stress Free Service

November 18th, 2010

Life is hectic. People are busy and stressed and full of work and responsibility. The holidays bring on schedule changes and family gatherings and bigger loads at work as the year comes to a close. There is a often a lot of preparation for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and all the other holidays that fall this time of year. Dinners to plan and prepare, gifts to get, parties to plan and attend, even a convention or two. All this on top of an already busy schedule that was bursting at the seams. Add to that, if you will, new relationships, new jobs, job searches, and so many shiny distractions that a ferret would look like a Tasmanian devil trying to capture it all.

So, what’s a submissive to do? The wants and needs are all still there. He wants me to have a backbone, to ask for what I want or need. To speak up and communicate. I want to be as stress free as possible and not demand things he cannot provide. I want to let him know I still want things, want him, but I don’t want him to feel bad when we run out of time, or don’t have the space to follow through. Yes, I would like more follow through than we’ve had lately, but I understand that it takes work, time and patience to get what we want.

At the end of a long day, I don’t need him to summon extra energy to play with me when he’s exhausted. I don’t need him to suddenly let go of all the stress and focus solely on me. I would just like to serve him, quietly and without demands. Relieve some of the stress, in whatever small ways I can, which in turn, makes me feel better. Because, in the end, if we are less stressed, we’ll be able to make time and space for the other things we want to do.

My old editing job gave me my final payment today. I got myself the beginnings of my own bootblack kit. Just one of the stress free services I intend to offer him.

Only one more week to get a copy according to the publisher’s website: Daily Flashes of Erotica #1.

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Big Week, Lots of Links and Labels

November 11th, 2010

As I posted yesterday, my first professionally published piece is available for sale. Also yesterday, Elysium Avenue reblogged my Consensual Non-Consent post.

Last week, after making my post here about drop, I found a new blog called Fearless Press and posted a few comments on a couple posts dealing with labels: The Beginning and What Did You Call Me? I last posted on labels in June of 2009. So, that’s the topic I want to make my own post on today. Labels in the kink community.

Most of my dealings with labels lately have been in reference to defining relationships as opposed to defining self. Who am I to my partner and what does that mean to us? The difficulty, as pointed out by Amethyst Wonder’s post is “that like most language, labels don’t mean the exact same thing in different people’s minds.” This is why communication is so important in relationships, to define the labels for yourselves. None of my relationships can be explained by a single word and truly be understood. We have to decide and discuss what it means to us personally, and to our other partners, as well.

Personal labels have become even more situational as I have grown and expanded my horizons in the kink community. They have become a way to explain what I’m doing, instead of who I am. I label as service top at the club where I do violet wand scenes. I label as a rope slut when talking about my love for and experience with rope. I label as a pain slut when I talk about physically intense scenes. I am all of these things, but none of them define me completely.

Submissive is the label I use most often, because it is the word I associate with my overall kinky nature. However, my submissiveness manifests in different ways with my different partners. I often find myself explaining these differences, the word is not a simple definition, but a starting place for discussion. I do not let other people tell me how a submissive should act, or that it is wrong to show different kinds of submission or different levels of submission to different partners.

Mako Allen commented that “Lao-tzu had it right. When you stop worrying about the kind of kinky person you should be, you can fully embrace the kinky person you actually are.” I enjoy what I do far too much to worry about what others think I should do. I also enjoy teaching and sharing, so labels give me a framework to start from. Then I expand that out, to share the richness of my life and my journey, to those who ask and are willing to listen.

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Daily Flashes of Erotica Quarterly #1 Now Available

November 10th, 2010

From the Pill Hill Press Website:

Daily Flashes of Erotica Quarterly #1 (January -March 2011)
(On Sale Through Thanksgiving — Cover Price $9.99)
Published by DFE Quarterly, an Imprint of Pill Hill Press
ISBN-13: 978-1617060199

Featuring daily doses of adult flash fiction, DAILY FLASHES OF EROTICA QUARTERLY is published four times per year. As a daily flash fiction calendar anthology, a 1500 word or less short story is featured for every day of the calendar year (January – March 2011). This is a fun and steamy anthology designed for busy adult readers.
Buy Now from Pill Hill Press for $7.99 (plus shipping)

If you are doing more shopping today, or want cheaper shipping:
Buy from Barnes & Noble for $8.99 (plus shipping)
Or
Buy from Amazon for 9.99 (plus shipping)

I am not an affiliate of any of these sites and do not earn a penny off your purchase of this book. However, Inspired by the Storm is February 6th, and for those of you who know me, I’d be happy to sign your copy. It looks like this is a very limited run, so don’t wait if you want one.

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Wicked Fun and Tim Minchin

October 31st, 2010

A very busy week, and another missed deadline. I did not even touch a computer on Thursday. With Halloween comes a big goth and fetish party in town and the crowd there is far bigger than any we see all year at the club. Close to fifteen hundred people come crowding into a very big, very creative venue, and about a tenth of them sign up for our show. We had gear to reorganize, furniture to rebuild or build new, and twenty-five crew members to get to the same place at the same time. During the event, we had seven stations to keep running constantly and smoothly and some of the violet wands being over eighty years old, this was not always a simple task. We had a suspension beam, two corporal stations, three electric stations and a fire cupping station.  It was a wonderful and successful event where we performed nearly one hundred twenty individual scenes. Followed by two moderately busy nights at our usual club. The violet wands kept humming, and the floggers kept flowing and we kept moving. Sleep was in very sparse supply, but the energy was fantastic. The phrase, “no rest for the wicked,” comes to mind, but today, on Halloween, we are all taking our rest, to recover from a very epic week of wicked fun.

On that note, I want to do something a little different and a little odd today. Tim Minchin is an Australian comic whose comedy is mostly highly inappropriate (in polite circles) songs and beat poems. I want to share a few of them with you for sarcastic amusement and silliness. All links go to YouTube.

On the topic of the all-consuming and overwhelming nature of love:

On the topic of romanticizing love:

On the topic of doing for the one you love:

On the topic of marriage:

On the topic of lust overriding rational thought:

On the topic of inflatable sex dolls:

In a couple weeks, my story Inspired by the Storm, will be available in the anthology Daily Flashes of Erotica Quarterly (Jaunary – March). It was sent to the printer today, and I will post links when it goes on sale.

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Introverted Social Networking

October 7th, 2010

Blogging, writing, screaming to be noticed – silently. Watching the numbers on the stats graph rise and fall, seeing them fall more often than rise. What am I doing this for? Who and I doing this for? Why? Every Thursday I spend hours staring at the screen, wondering what to write about, wondering how it will be taken, if anyone will even read it, will even care. Last week someone asked to reblog a post I made and I was shocked, especially given the topic. Today I’m at a loss, after spending the afternoon rambling at him over a variety of topics, none of which is “fit to print,” as they say.

I wonder about this blog, this weekly posting on a random topic. A lot of the books I read on blogging suggested posting every day, at least a few times every day, if you really wanted to have a successful blog. I have a hard time getting one post written a week, I couldn’t imagine posting every few hours. Isn’t that what Twitter is for? Let’s not even go into how I don’t even begin to use Twitter correctly. I’m not a social person, an introvert trying to join the social network.

And I’ve got this blog in two different places, splitting my audience between a WordPress sponsored blog and my personal website. It isn’t much of a site really: the blog, a bio and a couple of pictures, but I like the theme better, and some day, maybe I’ll have a book to promote or I might review products in the sidebar. Technically, I’ll have a book to promote come November. The first of my flash fiction pieces is due out the first installment of a year long anthology on October 31st if all goes as planned. They’re looking at publishing three months worth at a time, instead of it all at once.

So what do those social people talk about, those ones who blog all the time, or use twitter correctly? Their lives, details and stories taken directly every day from what they are doing currently or did last night. Sharing far more in depth than a shy anonymous blogger like me would consider safe. Safe? I share a lot of details, and while I say this is anonymous, people who know me could probably figure it out, and I have shared it with people I trust. But to share more, would feel like an invasion of privacy, and not just theirs, but mine as well. I don’t have enough to say to the public at large to fill a blog every day. I hardly ever update my non-kinky Facebook status more than once a week.

I’m not sure why I’m sharing this strange and non-kink related ramble with you, my dear readers, other than to say it’s been a scrambled kind of day. I want to share with you more often, but I don’t know if that’s possible. Though I feel that after this post, I owe you at least one over the weekend, if not a handful of tweets as well.

Let me leave you with these thoughts. Winter is coming, I need stockings and a warm coat. It’s hard being sexy when your teeth are chattering. And no one in his right mind is going to offer his cock to distract and warm you if it looks like you’re going to bite it off involuntarily.

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