October 20th, 2012
Sorry about the late post this week. Work is killing me with these full time hours, grateful, but so very tired. Friday night started the Halloween line up of kinky events. We had a belly dance class and our usual play party. He was feeling ill, but still managed to zap and dragon tail us quite thoroughly, as well as the other two scenes he planned on. We ended the event in a giant cuddle pile of awesome. I might have even fallen asleep on his chest a little bit. My new dress was all shiny and red, and sometime in the near future, the awesome seamstress lady will make me one that fits better. I handed out tons of Trauma fliers to everyone there. And he, the engineer and I had a good cuddle sleep together and a very nice morning.
Today there is a wedding and then two parties. Trauma is this coming week, two nights of insanity with the general public in outrageous costumes. There’s a Halloween party the next night, but I don’t think I’m going to make it. The following week we are back at the club again for a party on Halloween, and then another party that Saturday, too. My parents are visiting some time in November, I should really sort out when. I’m guessing Turkey Day weekend. Oh, and Modern Dungeon Quarterly’s fourth issue, featuring COPE and AIS Kink Labs, comes out November 1st. So, that’s my life right now, but what do I want to write about?
Have I mentioned how much I love Fearless Press? So many good articles on relationships, sex, kink and spirituality. You should totally go there and read through the current selection. I think my thoughtful post will be about labels and active D/s, but right now I have to get showered and dressed for the aforementioned wedding.
March 2nd, 2012
I’ve struggled with blogs posts lately. Both here and my “family friendly” blog. My kink life has been centered around Modern Dungeon Quarterly lately, and I’m already posting about that over there. I’ve posted here a few times, but I don’t want to just keep repeating myself. That’s what twitter’s for, eh? And I certainly can’t tell my family about That project, even though I’m really excited about it, and enjoying the process. Other than that, normal club nights, with a new suspension point, and practice nights as usual. Having the suspension point back at the club has been nice. I have some lovely rope trails across my chest still from last weekend’s flight. Relationship wise, well last week’s babbling is still about where I’m at, so. A chance for progress on Monday, we’ll see how it goes.
So, what do I write about this week. I’m already a day behind. Watched Search for Spock yesterday instead of blogging. I poked around Fearless Press, looking for inspiration, but nothing spoke to me. I wanted to have something for eLust this month, but I don’t think I’ve got anything coherent enough to put in the digest. I’ve switched from Netflix to WoW, but that’s not for this audience either.
It was suggested that I write a story, toss out an erotica piece if I didn’t have anything else to say. It’s a good idea, I enjoy writing them, but my mind just won’t focus on that kind of writing today. I’m journaling in my head, which is not nearly as helpful as journaling on paper, but it’s also not the kind of thing I want to do here. Not today.
I’m writing around in circles. Sorry about that.
Maybe I’ll get in the mood for a good story this weekend and you’ll get a bonus post that’s a lot more fun than this one. Maybe once I finish the book I’m reading, I’ll start reading more bdsm and poly books and do book reviews. I really owe Complete Shibari a better review than the one I wrote all that time ago. And I really ought to read more books. Always ought to read more books. So, dear readers, help me out, comment with books you think I should read. Because I haven’t ready much at all in the lifestyle category.
November 11th, 2010
Last week, after making my post here about drop, I found a new blog called Fearless Press and posted a few comments on a couple posts dealing with labels: The Beginning and What Did You Call Me? I last posted on labels in June of 2009. So, that’s the topic I want to make my own post on today. Labels in the kink community.
Most of my dealings with labels lately have been in reference to defining relationships as opposed to defining self. Who am I to my partner and what does that mean to us? The difficulty, as pointed out by Amethyst Wonder’s post is “that like most language, labels don’t mean the exact same thing in different people’s minds.” This is why communication is so important in relationships, to define the labels for yourselves. None of my relationships can be explained by a single word and truly be understood. We have to decide and discuss what it means to us personally, and to our other partners, as well.
Personal labels have become even more situational as I have grown and expanded my horizons in the kink community. They have become a way to explain what I’m doing, instead of who I am. I label as service top at the club where I do violet wand scenes. I label as a rope slut when talking about my love for and experience with rope. I label as a pain slut when I talk about physically intense scenes. I am all of these things, but none of them define me completely.
Submissive is the label I use most often, because it is the word I associate with my overall kinky nature. However, my submissiveness manifests in different ways with my different partners. I often find myself explaining these differences, the word is not a simple definition, but a starting place for discussion. I do not let other people tell me how a submissive should act, or that it is wrong to show different kinds of submission or different levels of submission to different partners.
Mako Allen commented that “Lao-tzu had it right. When you stop worrying about the kind of kinky person you should be, you can fully embrace the kinky person you actually are.” I enjoy what I do far too much to worry about what others think I should do. I also enjoy teaching and sharing, so labels give me a framework to start from. Then I expand that out, to share the richness of my life and my journey, to those who ask and are willing to listen.