I’ve been meaning to post for a couple weeks now, but Things keep happening that distract or exhaust me. I’m working on posting more, though, so, I’ve got a few minutes now. I’ll try to remember what I wanted to talk about.
I have gained weight in the past couple years. A lot of weight, for me. An increase of body weight by 33% or so. This has come with a lot of clothing fit issues, and frustrations. But that’s only relevant for this blog in that I need to buy new party clothes at some point. At Halloween, I solved this problem by cutting holes all over one dress so it fit me still. There was a necropolis theme, so I put a red fish net under that one so it looked interestingly red through the holes.
Anyway. That’s not what I wanted to talk about. Rope. Rope is what I wanted to talk about. My body has never really behaved itself in the more strenuous ties I enjoy, but I’ve pushed through, one way or another. We’ve adjusted things “because my arms are dumb,” but I’ve always been able to manage.
It’s different now. Partially because more joints are acting up, but also because thin ropes hurt more with my bigger body. There are certain ties that have always cut in harshly, but now they cut in even more. I’ve never had a flat stomach, but now the ropes roll even more.
I know there is nothing wrong with having a bigger body than I’ve had before. I’m approaching 40 after all. And there are ways to mitigate the bite – thicker ropes, more bands, different ties. I am lucky to have a rope top who is willing to make adjustments and learn new ties so that it works with my body.
We’ve been working lately on a no-arms butterfly chest harness by Gorgone, and it’s wonderful. We even dredged up an old MOco hip harness we learned a few years ago to deal with the lower half. Once we get it sorted again, I’m confident it’ll work, too. And I love that he is willing to do this, to work harder and through frustration to find ways to get me in the air. I’m so very grateful.
I, however, need to work harder to be aware of my body. To take care of my body, and to keep it in better shape to do the things I want to do. I’ve got an eeling class to bottom for next month, and while I was snarky at the top’s questioning of my ability, I am a bit nervous if my body will be compliant to my desires.
I can’t blame meds I stopped taking over a year ago. I can’t blame my disease for all the time I spend on the couch. I can’t blame finances for all the pasta and bread I eat. I can’t blame my jobs for “having no time” when I sit around watching Netflix. I have to be more active and aware of my body and it’s needs.
I keep track of the things I eat, and track of when I do healthy things. But I do not, often enough, use that collected information to institute change. I have added a small set of exercises to my routine, but they aren’t cardio. I’ve started skating, but only twice a month. I reward myself for eating veggies, but I just ignore it when I don’t, and I don’t pay attention to amount of veggies eaten.
Body awareness and acceptance does nothing if I don’t do anything about it. Doc appointment tomorrow, hopefully we can balance out my meds for a start. I can’t blame it all on the disease, but less pain will help my motivation.
Plans can be made, but I must also follow through. Not just wait for “it will be better when…”
