Why don’t you want to have sex?
I have a lot of friends, and I flirt with many of them. Some of them I get physical with, either kissing or kink-wise. But I stopped having casual sex years ago, for a handful of reasons. I no longer have sex outside an established relationship.
This does not mean he has to call me girlfriend, or be madly in love with me. What it does mean is that we can’t be just friends. I need to have a deeper connection than that. I have to know that I mean more to him than that. He has to mean more to me than that.
In my poly world, it also means everyone involved has to be okay with it. It also means our connection has to be strong enough that he won’t ditch me at the slightest bit of metamour upset. And that she would not expect him to.
I need clear communication. I need emotional connection. I need security.
I play a long game. I had a lot of short relationships in college, but most of them continued long after they were over. I don’t stop loving people just because dating them didn’t work. So, if I am going to emotionally invest in someone, there has to be some investment in return.
Because I fall hard and deep. Because I am not afraid of pain, but I’d rather have joy. Because life is too short for one night stands, even when they are months in the making.
