Mind is spinning on a lot of different topics. Topics I’ve talked about before, at length. Things happening that have happened before. I skimmed back through my blog, for previous posts to jump off from. But my thoughts aren’t organized. I’m looking back at Rape Culture Rant, Boundary Responsibility, and an article about Labeling Women as Crazy. I’m not even sure that these are the right places to start, so this might go a bit sideways. I didn’t find any posts about what I was looking for, because I didn’t post about it when it was happening. More on that below.
I’m frustrated again. And this time it isn’t My Community. It so far away, and it’s mostly people I don’t know. And there is nothing I can do about it. I sent a message of support, but I have no clue if it actually came across that way. No reply, but that’s not unusual. Things go wrong, things go badly, people react, people apologize, things are talked about, and people think it’s over. Then, years later, when memories have faded, or even warped. When things have been forgotten on one hand, and twisted on another. When someone pulls a trigger in a completely other direction, everything explodes again. There are witch hunts and badwagons, and everyone chooses sides. And there’s nothing I can do from here.
I recall being told, a couple years ago “that’s not the man I know.” I was glad for her, but worried, that she would come to know that man, in time. But I understand the phrase better now. The things I was reading, are certainly “not the man I know.” Granted there is time and space, but I feel like I know him just as well now as I did back when. And I found myself mentally dismissing women as crazy, and casting blame on them. But mostly just being frustrated that it was happening again.
I’m not one for public character attacks. For trial by internet forum. Yes, I’m a blogger, and I blog about my relationships, but I do my best not to attack or cast blame here, or try to solve problems by publically posting about them. I go and talk to people in person. I may post later about how problems were discussed or solved, but only after I’ve gone to the people involved and worked it out. Correct me, if I’m wrong, reader, but public smear campaigns tend to dirty everyone involved.
Okay, enough of that.
