Owning My Shit

A friend of mine posted recently about his young son, after being yelled at, saying “Daddy, I made you angry.” He then had to pause and reflect on his anger and tell his son, “I am angry, but you didn’t make me this way.” He realized that his anger was his own reaction, not his son’s doing.

I get cranky sometimes, at things people say or do. We all do. But it is important to remember, this is how you are Choosing to react. It is not the other person’s fault, it is a choice you are making. When people get cranky at me, my gut reaction, is to get snippy back. This is still a choice, it is a learned reaction, by my own choice.

Today, I chose to be more aware of this behavior in myself. The only way for me to unlearn this choice, is to teach myself something else. I cannot control what other people do, I can only accept them for who they are, and choose to react in a way that serves me better. And in the end, this will serve my relationships better than adding negativity to the cycle.

This also goes along with holding grudges/holding onto hate/dislike for someone. If you hold on to negative feelings for someone, especially someone you don’t actually ever interact with, it is doing nothing to them, and only harming yourself. If it is someone you do interact with, you may feel justified, by making them feel as bad as you do, but look around, you’re making life miserable for everyone else around you, too, not just the person you’re mad at.

Something I am working on with all of this, is to analyze my reactions. Why did that upset me? Why did I react that way? What is really going on? In the moment, these are very difficult questions to remember, let alone answer. Sometimes the answers go along the lines of “it ruined my night” or “time is limited and precious” or “it’s not fair.” But then I have to ask, but did it really? Is it really? Usually the answer is no. Usually whatever negative thing happened only darkened that moment in time. Usually there is plenty of time left, or coming, or the ultimate optimistic thought: “we have the rest of our lives.” And let’s not even get into trying to define “fairness” in life. Every person is different, every relationship is different, fair is a ball hit between first and third base. Trying to define it anywhere else is ludicrous.

Sometimes the answer to “what is really going on” is envy or jealousy. Both normal, human feelings. And, as has been stated many times before, and being the point of this post, what matters is what you do with that feeling. Becoming angry or upset, lashing out or freaking out, will hardly ever get you the result you desire. I know, I’ve tried. 😉 When those feelings rear their heads, it is time to sit down with myself. To think about why I am feeling that way, and what I can do to resolve those feelings. Do I need to ask for something? Do I need to work towards something? Do I need to take a deep breath and just remember all the wonderful that I have?

I am in charge of my own happiness. I get to decide to be happy, or not. I get to decide how I react to stimuli. I get to decide how I express myself and all my crazy emotions. And I get to decide who I share all of this with.