Fantastical Musings

After creating a long involved fantasy for a couple week of bedtime stories, I began to wonder why I fantasize like I do. Why, in this particular case, the Me character was a brawler, a girl who could and would fight to defend herself. And why the He character forbid her from doing so, forbid others from fighting with her, and punished her for breaking his decree. I mean, some of it is obvious, I am turned on by the power exchange that such a decree and punishment entails. But why fighting? Even as a child, I’d imagine being trained by the TMNT.

It is, as most fantasies are, the desire to be other than I am. To be physically strong and dexterous and skilled at fighting. I played soccer fairly well, was terrible at baseball, barely passable at volleyball. I was an outdoorsy kid, but never very strong. I always lost wrestling matches. Fighting in grade school wasn’t much beyond kicking shins(to this day, I cannot fathom purposefully hitting a guy in the balls*), or shoving someone to the ground. We certainly didn’t get into fist fights. Then RA hit, and I felt even weaker, even more vulnerable. I was always intrigued by martial arts, but never enough to take classes for more than a month or two (Tai Chi lasted longer, but the study I did was not focused on practical use). So, I fantasize about being a girl who not only can fight, but is particularly good at it. Enough so, that to protect others, I am banned from and punished for fighting.

What about the other main fantasy? The naughty coed fantasies. Of course there’s the school girl aspect, and the spanking, but what about the character? The Me character is always very sexually forward. She is not shy about seducing the professor, telling him exactly what she wants, or exactly what she’ll do for him. For all that I’ve grown and learned in my sexual and kinky life, I am still quite shy about my sexual desires, and expressing them verbally. I still blush and mumble and drop my eyes. So, I fantasize about the girl who can look a man straight in the eyes and tell him that if he would put her over his knee and spank her, that she would gladly have sex with him, or she would kneel under his desk and blow him. She is not embarrassed by her sexuality.

Other fantasies are similar – seduction and the willingness to be seduced, not feeling hesitant or bashful. Slave girl has been trained and is confident and skilled. Kidnap/rape fantasies – not being given the choice, being forced to do whatever I’m told or suffer worse. Action and confidence instead of hesitation, shame, doubt, and inaction.

(*The guys were my friends, friends don’t kick other friends in the tender bits. I was scolded the other day, when asked how I would defend myself from a guy grabbing hold of me, and I refused to ball-tag him. My answer is stomp on the top of his foot, elbow to the gut, and skull against his face. I never learned the skill of hitting a guy in the crotch. Being around the kink community, I figure it’ll either piss him off more (especially if I don’t hit square on), or he’ll like it, so why bother?)