Two Years and Counting
May 19th, 2011
Wow, I’ve been blogging for two years as of tomorrow. Two on WordPress, and one cross-posting from PervertedImp.com. That also means that I’ve been part of my local community for three years. What a ride it has been. Honest poly relationships, real community, play parties, limits being found, crossed and offered. Learning from classes, from mentors, from friends and from experiences. Journals, blogs, emails, chats, stories, tweets and threads.
I have posted about scenes, relationships, love, polyamory, social networking, wish lists, family, failures, and successes. I have had a couple flash fiction pieces published, and posts reblogged on other sites and did one meme for silly fun. I created an informational section on clothing care, and started a group about it on FetLife.com. I started out completely anonymous, and then sharing it with loved ones, my kinky family, and then friends.
I have an amazing life, a wonderful husband, and awesome boyfriend and a incredible toy. I have tons of people surrounding me, caring about me, teaching me and supporting me. I am part of groups that meet weekly, sometimes more than once a week, and have more opportunities for play parties and learning experiences than I even begin to have time for.
I made a silly post once about the numbers on my blog and the top posts and all that. Today I wanted to see how people were getting to my blog. Some are coming from Twitter, some from Fetlife, some from email subscriptions. But the part that amuses me the most is the search terms that land people on my blog. So I looked at the top terms. Both sites, of course, have Perverted Imp and other permutations in the top of the list. Over at WordPress, we the other top three terms are Shibari (Complete Shibari, or Shibari blog), Resistance Play, and various permutations of Straitjacket. PervertedImp.com is a little more varied, though with (Complete) Shibari still in a lot of the upper slots. The next two amuse me more, though: Consensual Feminization and Masochist Turn Ons. I am definitely becoming more and more a girl in this community, and my masochist turn ons have increased by leaps and bounds. Painslut also features heavily in my most searched terms.
This is a pretty bland post, without much substance. For substance, see the earlier post this week and I promise more fun next week, too. But today, my head is full of vampires and LARPing. For now, Thank You to everyone who contributes to this absolutely amazing life I lead.
Hard Limit – Sex in Public
June 10th, 2010
My current hard limit around public sex is no intercourse with more than two other people present. I don’t do orgies. I don’t do penetrative play at parties. I don’t have sex with an audience. For me, this is about the intimacy of sex. Sexual intercourse is a private thing for me, it’s about a deep love and connection with my partner.
I play in public, at parties, at clubs, in dungeons. I get aroused, I get pushed into sub space, or pain space, I orgasm. And these scenes can be very much about connection and love. They can be very intimate, very personal.
Lately, I’ve been edging towards the line with him. Masturbation and oral while driving down the road, but that felt mostly private and it was a different kind of energy we were creating. Riding his boot in public while wearing a short skirt, with people around – a new edge for me, but not sex.
So, what’s the difference?
Sex, naked and completely vulnerable. Giving everything to each other, sharing everything. It has always involved a deeper level of trust for me. A deeper connection, that I don’t want to share with other people. I want to feel our energy, our connection, not that of other, unconnected people. I have trouble with playing at big parties where the energy of strangers is flowing everywhere, and people interrupt connections. It is even more important to me that sex, and the energy it creates with my partner, be kept private and personal.
Negotiating with Strangers
January 28th, 2010
It’s that time again. A major kink event with play parties both nights. This time, I find myself in negotiations with someone I have never met for a scene I never imagined. It has been an interesting week, thus the lateness of this post (again), but I have a break in all the communication right now, so I can sit and reflect for a few minutes.
I rarely negotiate scenes. I rarely play outside my comfort zones, or with people I’m not familiar with. Most scenes I’m involved in start with: What do you want to do? How about x? Okay. And then we do x. We don’t discuss things in detail, we don’t talk about limits and safewords. I play with people who already know my boundaries, and if they push them, it’s with full knowledge and care. That isn’t to say I don’t talk about these things with my partners. With my Lover, there was much discussion about my experience and likes and dislikes before we ever played, but since that time, I would not really call anything we’ve done ‘negotiating a scene.’
So I find myself filling out a questionnaire, and asking questions and playing a little bit of semantics. I find myself having discussion with all my other partners around the proposed scene as well. This is a whole new experience for me and I find it all fascinating and incredible. I have had some very good, very important discussions because of all this, and it’s not even done yet. I will have more to say soon, I am sure.
Public Play
September 10th, 2009
I am between two conventions(thus the late post this week), and public play is on my mind. I have very different reactions to public play depending on the public. The different types of public for me are: play parties, conventions/large events, and playing among friends. I react differently in these situations, and differently depending on who wants to play with me in these situations.
At play parties, defined by me as a party thrown in a private home by a lifestyle group in the community, I am hesitant to play. I tend to know about half the people there, at least by face, and mostly by name. But it’s that Almost familiarity that is the sticking point, and the closeness of the space. By default, people are close to any scene being done, talking about it, watching closely, or even, occasionally invading the scene purposefully or accidentally. This makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t like playing out, I don’t like including random people in my scenes. That is not to say I will not scene at such a party, it just takes more from my partner. More of a power exchange, more taking control from me, to put me in a space where I can forget my worries and Be with them.
Larger events put a different face on things. There is more anonymity, more space, and more protocol. People are far more mindful of staying out of scenes, and are far less likely to accidentally intrude. I happily play at these events, not minding those that watch from a distance, or grin at me afterwards. I still do not play out, though there may be some minor playfulness outside the dungeon with those other than my partners. The energy of such an event just lends itself to friendliness and play.
Playing among friends, which I do on a weekly basis, sometimes more, is another matter entirely. It may seem like a miniature play party, but it is so much more than that. We are family, we trust each other and we have our own rules. We protect each other, and look out for each other, whether we’re playing in private or public. We also have a hierarchy, we play differently with different members of the group. Everyone knows where they stand, what they can do and where the lines are. When lines change, or need to change, we talk it out, and things stay clear. The only place I feel safer is in the arms of my partners.