Rope Weekend

February 29th, 2016

Worked an intermediate Rope Intensive this weekend. The classes focused on TK wraps, a new arms-front chest harness, connection and negotiation. They were good basic classes, and created some good discussion and thoughts. Last week we also had a fishbowl for rope bottoms to discuss questions posed by tops.

The biggest theme of all of these classes was communication and connection. Not only being able to communicate, but also creating common language for understanding. It is important to know what you want and need, but even more important to be able to communicate those things clearly to your partner.

“I enjoy pain,” can mean a great many things to a great many people. “I want a futomomo with coconut rope,” or “I enjoy simple suspensions and being flogged while I’m suspended,” or “I like tight, painful floorwork including hogties,” are all much more specific and clear.

The more important thing, is to figure out what you like or want, or what you want out of a particular scene. Just because you like something, doesn’t mean you want it in that moment, or with that person. What you want out of a scene can also help you narrow down all the things you like, into what you would like today and with that person.

This can be an important question not just in scene negotiation, but in life. What do you want out of a relationship, out of a job, out of your education, or even just out of life in general.



Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

March 29th, 2014

Seems like reality is always a step behind intention. I set my mind to something, and then I fuck it up once more, just for good measure, before I can really move forward again. It solidifies things, though, makes the problem clearer, and forces me to find real solutions instead of just words. To make plans, create lists, and really see the full scope of the issue and what needs doing. So there is that, at least.

The weather needs to stop following suit, though. Ready for spring, and it’s supposed to snow again today. Not looking forward to driving in the mess.

I don’t have much to say this week. That’s why I’m so late. It’s my spring break, and I’ve kinda just been laying low. Relaxing and not thinking about much of anything. I’ll try to post an erotica soon, it’s been too long since I’ve written a story. Didn’t even manage to submit to the anthologies I planned to these last couple months. So much work with school has diverted my creative juices. Only so many spoons available. Time to find some more.




October 24th, 2013

A woman is hugging everyone goodbye and comes towards you with her arms spread wide vs. a woman is crowding you into a corner with her arms spread wide. A man is behind you in line, follows you through the line and leaves the store behind you vs. a man is following you down the sidewalk, taking every turn after you, in the dark. Two men are shaking hands vs. two men are shaking hands and not letting go while eying each other intently. A friend puts his hands on your shoulders while he stands behind you vs. a stranger comes up behind you and puts his hands on your shoulders.

In all these situations, the intent is the difference. Whether actual or simply perceived. Perhaps the woman is just trying to give one last goodbye hug. Perhaps the man just lives near you. Perhaps the men are friends, or nervous. Perhaps the stranger is trying to steady you from tripping over something you cannot see. But our life-experiences shade our immediate perception of events. So, the question is, how do you manage the difference between actual and perceived intent?

  1. Be clear – communicate. State your intentions if your actions could be misconstrued, or even if they can’t, just to be sure. Ask questions about someone else’s intent if you are worried or confused.
  2. Do not make assumptions. You can’t read minds. If you haven’t asked and they haven’t stated, don’t assume you know. (See No. 1)
  3. Don’t take things personally. Humans are self-focused beings. Most often, another person’s actions have absolutely nothing to do with you. (See No. 1 and 2)

When we do random scenes as part of crew, there is hardly ever a worry about intent. They signed up, we’re giving them the service they requested. It is when someone asks for more that concerns can arise (though not always). It is when old partners resurface that I tend to have the most trouble not making assumptions, or writing stories in my head about their intentions. And I feel justified because I point at previous behavior and my memories and interpretations of said behavior. But it’s still just stories and assumptions (and fear) until there is clear communication.


All orgasms are not created equal.

August 5th, 2009

Years ago, I began to learn orgasm control. I had Doms who required me to ask permission before orgasming, and I picked it up fairly quickly. About a year ago, I began learning to orgasm on command and to control them. To make them soft, or hard, to keep going or to stop short, depending on what was demanded of me. To even have orgasms, if commanded, in the middle of a crowded restaurant with very little stimuli other than his voice. Above all, to not orgasm without express permission while I am with him, no matter what. (No one has yet tried to control my activities when I am alone.)

All this considered, it is not to say that every commanded or permitted orgasm is equal. They are not all as intense or satisfying. I still get reliably better orgasms from fingers or tongue(depending on the wielder of such) than from intercourse. I can have incredibly intense orgasms out of painful pleasure, and softly satisfying ones from sex. That is not to say I don’t have great sex, or even occasional great orgasms during sex. It all depends on build up, mood and balancing everything just so.

A word about how I’ve been trained, as some people find it very interesting. I’ve been trained to orgasm on the count of three. Some people like to play with this, randomly counting to three, but it doesn’t work like that. As with many things in life and the scene, it is the intention behind the words and the control taken by the speaker and given by me. It is also a very vocal trigger at this point. I was recently asked if counting by showing fingers would work. I suppose I could learn to work off that as a trigger, but it is very much connected to the sound right now. I like to hear the words, the emotions and the command in his voice.