January 3rd, 2013
It’s the New Year, 2013, and I promised I’d start posting regular posts again, after a very odd year end. So, how about I start with goals for the new year? I prefer goals to resolutions, no one ever keeps resolutions. And once they’re broken you’re done, goals you keep working towards, even if you fall down. What are my kinky goals?
One. To write more erotica. I want to write more fiction again, heck more non-fiction erotica, too, for that matter. I want to set up tracking on the free ebooks I’ve already posted, and create enough new pieces to publish new ebooks of never-before-seen stories. That doesn’t mean I won’t still post erotica here, but I want to do more than that this year.
Two. To experience new things. Isn’t this always the case? I want to do new things this year, explore areas I haven’t yet tried. Learn things I don’t yet know. I promised my best friend in high school that I’d try anything once, in kink it seems that you should try things twice, just in case. I should come up with a list of new things to try and post it soon.
Three. Cherish the things I already enjoy. There are so many things that we do that I already know I enjoy. I want to remember and cherish those things for the joy they always bring me. The freedom and security of rope. The chemical and emotional release of pain. The sensuality of bootlicking. The endorphins of fear. The serenity of kneeling. The fulfillment of service. And many others.
Four. Take care of myself. This is always a hard one for me. I spend so much focus taking care of everyone else, that I often put myself last (notice, that this one is number four…). I need to remember that I have needs and wants, too, and that they matter. I bought two bath bombs in the middle of last year, and I have not used either of them yet. I continue on in a job that I said five years ago, I didn’t want to stay in. I have tried many things that others said I should try, but have put less emphasis on trying the things I want to do. I need to remember to put myself first sometimes, or I’ll be useless to those around me.
Five. Make more kinky friends. I know a lot of people. I see them at groups, dinners and events. But I’m very quiet and introverted, so while I am friendly towards them, I wouldn’t say that many are close friends. This year, I would like to put more focus on making stronger friendships. I seem to have fallen into the trap of only really hanging out with my poly family, and this limits my social circle quite a bit. Even writing this one scares me. My introverted brain is already creating excuses as to why I can’t do this, but I’m going to try to ignore it, for my own sake.
I think that’s a good start. What about you, my readers, what are your kinky goals for 2013?
July 7th, 2011
Been a busy time lately, sorry for not posting last week. Here’s what should have gone up, a silly little post of lessons learned.
Had a good time at practice, and learned a few lessons. Let me share them with you.
- The correct answer to “Do you think I can hit your nose with this Dragon Tail?” is “Yes, I do, but please don’t.” instead of nodding and standing very still, hoping he’ll just snap it in front of you a few times.
- Dragon Tail strikes to the mouth a) hurt like hell, b) are scary, and c) leave the area feeling indented. The first two made me cry instantly, the third was a very odd sensation.
- I am not fond of the use of an extra large shoe horn as a paddle.
- “For love and service” is a good phrase that I learned from hubby’s girlfriend, to describe why one might still take the shoe horn even if one doesn’t particularly like it. I agree with these reasons, but also tend to take things because the after affects are what I’m really after.
- Keep still – Don’t move the target he is aiming at. I (re)learned this rule, and also that I really can do it when properly motivated.
- Canes on the top of the feet/toes hurt a helluva lot.
- The toe next to my big toe acts as a fulcrum to a cane, and thus gets the most bruised.
This past weekend, I went home. Well, to the closest thing I have to “going home.” I went to visit a few friends from High School. One who I still consider one of my best friends, and a couple that I still see/talk to on occasion, and their respective families and friends. Hubby and his girlfriend were going up, too, though they were going elsewhere the first evening.
The couple was hosting a 4th of July picnic. I didn’t know who was going to be there, and spent the drive wondering if maybe some others from school would be. I was also pretty sure I had not spoken to them since I began this journey into kink and poly. I had some Dragon Tail kisses on my thighs and some bruises on my calves. It was warm out, but I decided that the marks were a little too much and wore jeans. Hubby and his girlfriend were just dropping me off, so I wasn’t really worried about questions, but we did discuss that she was just a friend for the weekend in reference to anyone from home.
People didn’t question my jeans, especially as the weather was rather windy and stormy, and no one asked about the random girl in the car. But I felt uncomfortable. I was careful what I said around everyone, but my best friend who was thankfully there, as well. I only made one poly-oriented comment, and no one took it seriously. As I stared into the campfire, later in the evening, I found my shoulders tensing quite badly. I was around a lot of people I didn’t know and I was having to hide who I was. It was good to see my friends, but I did not like putting that mask back on.
That night and the next day were somewhat better. The marks had faded a little more, and I was only going to be around my best friend and her parents, so I could wear shorts while kayaking. Hubby and his girlfriend would be there, too, but though my best friend knows the truth, her parents easily accepted that she was just a friend. Her dad did ask once, possibly due to the high heeled boots in the car, but accepted the story I gave him. The crowd of strangers that were expected to canoe with us got ahead and we never caught them, so that stress stayed away. I was still wearing a mask this day, but it was less strenuous than the night before.
November 25th, 2010
Last year, I thanked everyone who helped me take my first steps into the local community and my first steps into personal growth and acceptance. Most of those people are still a part of my increasingly wonderful life, and I am still incredibly grateful to them all. The community here, my chosen family within the community, all are exceptional people who make my life joyful, interesting and entertaining. I am a writer, introverted, anti-social, quiet, and more at home in nature than a city. But I have found something incredible here. I have found acceptance and love, growth and exploration, and a life more full than I ever expected to have. My dream office is a furnished attic with pillows and a big circular window, a papasan and some bean bags. Used to be, I’d imagine myself spending most of my time up there, writing in seclusion and quiet. I still want that attic office, but now it is imagined for my private writing time each day, when I take an hour or two to myself amidst a life so full.
Thank you to my parents, for loving me and not asking too many questions.
Thank you to my hubby, for loving me and taking this journey with me.
Thank you to him and his wife, for making me a part of their lives.
Thank you to lover, for everything you gave to and shared with me.
Thank you to the crew, for being my chosen family, with all the joy and struggles of any family.
Thank you to the clubs and the patrons, for letting us do those things we do.
Thank you to the groups who organize the parties and the events, for providing a safe place to learn and explore and share with so many people.
Thank you to the munch, for giving so many a place to meet and enjoy each other with no pressure.
What are you thankful for?