Best Laid Plans

February 2nd, 2012

And these weren’t even well laid plans, more like hastily cobbled excitement.

I’m still waiting on my vendor’s license from the state of Ohio, and still fighting with PDF files for that matter(thank you toy), so my projected release date of February 1st has come and gone with no print magazine. I have started posting the articles online. Safety First: First Aid Kits is up for public reading and the St Andrew’s Cross article is up for members only viewing. It is free to sign up, just a name and an email address required. I’m not using this information for email marketing, so no worries there. Though I do wish it would notify members of new posts. (Is there a plugin for that?) Five of the articles will be open and public, three of them will be members only, this time around. I’m testing to see if people are willing to sign up for extra content. Hopefully the government will get in gear soon, and I’ll have the print edition available, too.

I’m trying to sort out my next featured dungeon. The one I hoped for isn’t available in time, the same with most of the others I know about nearby. There is one in Michigan I’m thinking about, but if anyone knows of a public dungeon (permanent or temporary) that I could feature in the Spring issue (photos and interview done by early April), please drop me a line.

So, it has become more of a soft release, because I’m not going all out on advertising until I have the full product available. In theory, the next issue will go smoother, with three months to do it in instead of one. I am really enjoying this project. I hope other people get value from it, too.

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Preparation & Gratitude Day 12

January 12th, 2012

This week I am preparing for two things. First, DeConpression. The adult relaxicon being held this weekend. I am part of the group that will be providing the alcohol and hosting the Saturday night party. The stage crew is also putting on some panels at the con. So, I’ve been helping get things a little bit organized for both groups, as well as getting myself ready to go. Tonight is load in, and tomorrow we set up and then have a good weekend.

The second thing is the inaugural issue of Modern Dungeon Quarterly. He put the idea in my head many weeks ago, and over the past month it has taken root and blossomed. I have mapped out the different sections of the magazine, found a POD vendor, bought the webdomain, set up a twitter account, lined up a photographer, and have at least one friend willing to edit with me.

The last two weeks have been spent writing the articles for the first issue. A featured dungeon, and the creator of its furniture, a featured furniture piece, an article on soundproofing, one on first aid kits, another on lighting, one on slippery floors and one on floggers. I’m not an expert, but I am a writer. So, I found experts, and discussion groups, and friends and gathered information to write the best articles I can. Last night, my photographer and I took pictures of the featured dungeon to finish out the main content of the first issue.

The next steps are getting the articles edited, populating the website and putting the magazine together. My goal is to have it on Sale by February 1st. I plan to order stock myself for local sales, and have it online for individual purchase, as well.

@PassionandSoul asked if I was going to be accepting outside submissions or writing all the content myself. I have articles planned for the first four issues, but some of that plan involves toy helping me out. I replied that eventually, I’ll be taking outside submissions. I just have to figure out how well things are going and what I can reasonably offer to writers. Writing it all myself is a big job, and I’m sure there are people out there who could really add to this projecct.

I am really excited about this project and as soon as I get my vendor’s license, I’ll be sorting out pre-orders.

I am grateful for:

1) Tight fingers in my hair

2) A lap to lay my head in

3) Sharp knives

4) Leatherman multitools

5) Community

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In and Out of Space

November 24th, 2011

Monday. Contract day. He says he wants to get off work early to help us clean. The dungeon needs put back together. It’s been storage space since July. He wants to put up the suspension point again. Sounds great to me.

Toy is eager to arrive, but I’m not ready. Come to mine first. I finish eating dinner and we go over at 5. He’s aiming for 530. Toy is stressed out and grumpy. Grouching about cleaning for the first time in a months. But she does her share, as I do mine. He is waiting for the boss to leave so he can. Apparently the boss stayed late as he is a bit later than usual getting home. I remind toy of her promise, and she is appropriately dressed by the time he gets home, but not yet changed into play clothes as the dungeon cleaning awaits.

We greet with hugs and kisses and head down to tackle the dungeon. Tubs and tools and crates and wood scraps. Stage stuff and sawdust, and lots of bits of cloth. We clean and sort and move everything back where it belongs. A vise clamp comes out to play for a bit, fitting around our legs, my belly, and then making a nice breast clamp and head clamp. We reclaim his space and reset the furniture. Taping the mats together, we create a nice pad below the suspension point. He rigs it up and we each take a spin. Just right.

Toy and I go fetch some water and change our clothes, when we return, he has two candles lit and fits a new bulb in the socket. A nice dark glow fills the room. He kneels on the mat and invites us to join him. I drop down into my kneeling posture, toy beside me, him in front of us. After a couple minutes, it feels like silent prayer at church, how long are we going to kneel? Are his eyes closed? Is he moving? I glance through my eyelashes far too often, trying to relax, but eager with anticipation. He shifts to sitting, which doesn’t help, then grabs toy and pulls her into his lap. I listen to her whimper, and then he pulls her up and I hear rope hit the floor. This finally calms me. I sink into my position, eyes fully closed, relaxed and just listening to the rope and to their interaction.

Eventually, he positions her on the bishops chair to the other side of me. And starts making passes back and forth in front of me. It takes a few for me to understand he’s taking the floggers out of the tub. I start to come back into my body at this point, wondering what’s going to happen next. I feel him kneel in front of me, I hear him rub his hands. I know he’s going to slap me, but when the strike comes down on my thigh, I’m surprised. He slaps my thighs, alternating. I crumple a couple times, and one of them, I move so that his strike bounces off my left wrist painfully. When I get back up from that one, my arms go behind my back, protecting the sensitive joint. He starts slapping my face. Harder and harder, until I’m gasping and moaning. I get my eyes back open at this point, and see his grin. He grabs me by the hair and pulls me off my knees and onto my back. I lay there gasping while he shows toy what face slapping feels like.

He pulls me up and stands me under the ring. I grab it for support, my right leg doing fairly well, but my left still half numb. Toy looks very good in her box tie chest harness, sitting happily on the chair. He starts tying a tabletop with jute on my waist. Tossing out the rope and yanking it against my legs when it gets tangled. Most things give into his will if he tries hard enough, eh toy? Yes, Sir. We fiddle with where my hips are and he threatens nice tight crotch ropes. When he finishes the lower half, he steps over to toy to give her the first taste of wax. Dripping it across her thighs. She gasps, and likes it. He lets her process and returns to me.

Chest wraps now, teasing about duct taping the remote control vibrator to me. He adds a little more wax to toy and she squeals as he gets closer to her inner thighs. Just before he attaches me to the ring, I ask if he really wants the vibrator, he does, but he doesn’t want the interruption of fetching it. Ties my chest and then tries something new with the lower lift lines. Up I go, but it’s not balancing on my hips right, so back down and rigs it the usual way. Up again and balance it out. He gets a cloth and ties a sling for my head. I’m already spacing and he pushes me into a gentle spin as he returns to toy and the wax.

I was fairly well gone. Occasionally my feet or legs would rub against him. I moved them up and down occasionally. He put wax on her and took it off with a knife. At some point he poured some over the bottoms of my feet. I squealed a lot and when it got really hot, I jerked away into a little ball. But it felt really good up to that point. He asked if I was still in there and counted me to orgasm once, biting me while I did. I remember him scraping the wax off my feet. Some felt good, some felt really good, and some just tickled the hell out of me. Whenever that happened, I clenched my hands against my face in an effort not to squirm against the sharp knife. He dragged the knife near more tender bits when he was done, causing soft moans and ragged breathing. I can’t remember when he tied my ankles up, if it was before or after the wax, it must have been before, it relieved the awkwardness and some of the pressure.

At another point he was flogging the wax off toy and took a few shots on me as well, legs and then crotch. I think that popped me out of space. I was getting dizzy but it wasn’t time to come down yet. So he stopped me spinning for awhile and then he started playing Open Sesame with toy. Eventually she did, and then he asked her how many more she could take. She said four. So he counted them out, sending me into orgasm at three, and then counting 1,2,3 again for her forth strike. He bit me again, I think. I dropped back into space and he let me spin a bit more.

Then it was time to come down. Dropped my ankles, then my legs and I was standing, leaning into the chest rope heavily. He pulled out the lift lines and then undid my chest. I stumbled a little, but held the ring until I got my balance. He started to undo my legs, but then told me to untie the toy so we could clean up the wax. Reminding me of how to wrap his rope now.

I started to untie her hands, she pulled out, and got scolded for her impatience and desire for modesty overwhelming safety. I finished untying her and set her to sweeping up the wax while I put up the ropes. He returned and we finished off the jute. Then he sent us off to change back into our regular clothes as he sets up the massage table. Down again and we set to work on his knotted muscles. Working hard on his back, my hands are fairly weak, but toy still has her strength and we work together to find what he needs. Energy all coming down as we work, pouring out gratitude for what he has given us into taking care of him. It ends abruptly when his wife gets home. But a wonderful night of reclaiming the space and connecting with each other.

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Hard Limit – Sex in Public

June 10th, 2010

My current hard limit around public sex is no intercourse with more than two other people present. I don’t do orgies. I don’t do penetrative play at parties. I don’t have sex with an audience. For me, this is about the intimacy of sex. Sexual intercourse is a private thing for me, it’s about a deep love and connection with my partner.

I play in public, at parties, at clubs, in dungeons. I get aroused, I get pushed into sub space, or pain space, I orgasm. And these scenes can be very much about connection and love. They can be very intimate, very personal.

Lately, I’ve been edging towards the line with him. Masturbation and oral while driving down the road, but that felt mostly private and it was a different kind of energy we were creating. Riding his boot in public while wearing a short skirt, with people around – a new edge for me, but not sex.

So, what’s the difference?

Sex, naked and completely vulnerable. Giving everything to each other, sharing everything. It has always involved a deeper level of trust for me. A deeper connection, that I don’t want to share with other people. I want to feel our energy, our connection, not that of other, unconnected people. I have trouble with playing at big parties where the energy of strangers is flowing everywhere, and people interrupt connections. It is even more important to me that sex, and the energy it creates with my partner, be kept private and personal.

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Stun Gun, Crunches and a Dragon Tail

May 13th, 2010

With apologies for last week’s post, I was not in the writing frame of mind…

He snapped his fingers with a smile, and my clothes came off. Shirt, shorts, shoes, socks. Piled neatly on the floor near the suspension ring, out of the way. Thirty feet of hemp, doubled up, around my waist three times, knotted and wrapped into a short tail. Sixty more feet, thirty for each leg, from waist to thigh, a small band, and up and down, thigh to waist. A drum tie. Tuck the tails into the wraps, a double coin for style.

I’m going to blindfold you, turn you upside down and spin you around, how does that sound?
Sure, sounds fun.

A carabiner in the crotch, catching all four runs of line. Hoist rope run through pulleys and ring, up I go, only slight pinching as the ‘biner shifts from down to up. Feet straight up, lift until only my fingertips touch the floor, feet below the beam. He sits in front of me, checking in, all is well.

Aren’t you under dressed?
Yes, Sir.
Now you’re screwed.

A blindfold, tied around the head. Spinning and swinging, checking that all is secure.

Now I’m going to go get the stun gun.

Whimper, squirm, gasping for breath. He asks, receives and returns, electricity crackling. I yelp at every snap, louder at the noise than when it touches me. Unable to move, the shots with it flow into me. I squeal at the short bursts, my arms around my head, panting with fright. More spinning and swinging, more zapping and crackling. His voice breaks through again.

I’ll let you down after you do one hundred crunches. Do you understand?
Yes, Sir.

Spinning, spinning, crunching up. Tired quickly and oh so dizzy.

How many?
16, Sir.
Are you giving up?
No, Sir.

Spinning and crunching and counting. The stun gun comes in to help motivate. My arms are numb.

If you pass out, I’ll leave you there.

Oh yeah, and breathing. Breathing and spinning and crunching and zapping.

How many now?
50, Sir.
Are you giving up?
No, Sir.
Should I get the dragon tail? See which of us can do finish the next 50 first?

More crunches, desperate to finish. Counting down now instead of counting up. People watching, some amused, some sympathetic.

100, Sir!
Are you sure?
Yes, Sir.

His arms around me and a table slid beneath me. Some one lifting my ass while he unhooks me from the ring, and down on my back. Gasping and shaking. Finally catch my breath and I feel him nearby.

Snap!

Dragon tail. Scream. He moves around the table, snapping thighs, belly, breasts. My arms are still up around my head. I flatten out, but rock with each snap. Grabbing at the table for a moment before falling flat again. Legs curling up and back down. Tears come, filling the blindfold.

Toes up!

I straighten my legs, feet out, whimpering, crying. Screaming as he snaps the sole of my foot, curling up and forcing myself to flatten out. Shaking, crying, screaming, writhing.

A different sensation. Slapping my belly and thighs. The screaming stops, I sink into the more solid continuous pain, coming out for a vibrating yell.

More snapping, screaming, crying and then…

Stand up. Move it.

On my feet, blood rushing out of my head.

On your knees.

Down I go, back up, head down, knees spread, palms up. He circles snapping thighs, arms, breasts, long strokes on my back. I arch and squeal, and return to position. Head throbbing, but slowly calming.

He walks away and leaves me to come down. Tears stop, breathing calms, shaking quiets. Sound returns, cool air of the dungeon on my skin. I feel him in front of me. Blindfold is untied. Ordered to my feet, he unties the ropes, handing them up to me.

Can I have my girlfriend back?
Yes.

Smiles and hemp coils. I take care of the rope, inspecting and coiling, putting it back in the crate. My stomach, reminds me I was abusive to it, spinning upside down. He sends me up for water, I down a few crackers and return. A few glasses later and I’m curled up by his side. All fuzzy and glowing from a spectacular scene.

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Thanks for Everything

November 25th, 2009

It is that time of year, here in this part of the world, to give thanks for, well, everything. Gratitude is an incredible force in my life. I have been given the opportunity to do, be and explore so much in my life, especially over the last year and a half. I often joke about thanking certain people for “getting me into this” or pointing me down this road or showing me just how good it feels. This week, however, I am making it a point to honestly thank those people who have enabled me to live this life. There are a lot of people who helped me get this far, and who constantly encourage me to keep going. There are also people that I am grateful to, who have no idea where their support and teaching has allowed me to go. I thank them to, though more quietly and tactfully.

I am grateful to my husband for taking this journey with me. I am grateful to the one who took us to our first demonstration. I am grateful to the one who invited us to our first poly meeting. I am grateful to the one who invited us to our first dungeon and hosted my first kinky birthday celebration. I am grateful to the one who took me to my first Practice. I am grateful to the one who taught me the love of rope and the joy of suspension. I am grateful to the one who showed me how beautiful I am. I am grateful to those who welcomed us into this community. I am grateful to those who have brought love into my family. I am grateful to those who have taught me about myself. I am grateful to those who have accepted who I am. I am grateful to those who have listened and those who have offered advice. I am grateful to live in a time and a place where I can live my life however I chose.

Thank you for reading my blog.

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Public Play

September 10th, 2009

I am between two conventions(thus the late post this week), and public play is on my mind. I have very different reactions to public play depending on the public. The different types of public for me are: play parties, conventions/large events, and playing among friends. I react differently in these situations, and differently depending on who wants to play with me in these situations.

At play parties, defined by me as a party thrown in a private home by a lifestyle group in the community, I am hesitant to play. I tend to know about half the people there, at least by face, and mostly by name. But it’s that Almost familiarity that is the sticking point, and the closeness of the space. By default, people are close to any scene being done, talking about it, watching closely, or even, occasionally invading the scene purposefully or accidentally. This makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t like playing out, I don’t like including random people in my scenes. That is not to say I will not scene at such a party, it just takes more from my partner. More of a power exchange, more taking control from me, to put me in a space where I can forget my worries and Be with them.

Larger events put a different face on things. There is more anonymity, more space, and more protocol. People are far more mindful of staying out of scenes, and are far less likely to accidentally intrude. I happily play at these events, not minding those that watch from a distance, or grin at me afterwards. I still do not play out, though there may be some minor playfulness outside the dungeon with those other than my partners. The energy of such an event just lends itself to friendliness and play.

Playing among friends, which I do on a weekly basis, sometimes more, is another matter entirely. It may seem like a miniature play party, but it is so much more than that. We are family, we trust each other and we have our own rules. We protect each other, and look out for each other, whether we’re playing in private or public. We also have a hierarchy, we play differently with different members of the group. Everyone knows where they stand, what they can do and where the lines are. When lines change, or need to change, we talk it out, and things stay clear. The only place I feel safer is in the arms of my partners.

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