December 14th, 2014

I got a book called 642 Things to Write About at our holiday meeting. I flipped through it today, and wrote a few things. One of the things I didn’t write was “Your Guilty Pleasure.” Mostly because I laughed and pondered… which one?

A little while later, I found myself watching Titanic on Netflix. I was the right age, and the right emotional state when that came out in theaters, like many women my age. We were girls at the time, teenagers, looking for that guy who would sweep us off our feet, rescue us from the lives we felt trapped in. We all fell in love with Jack, with Leo. And we went to see it in droves, over and over, and over again.

I haven’t watched the movie since that year. Half my lifetime ago. But tonight, it just fit. It took me a while to figure out why. I’m not trapped in a restricted life. I’m not being forced to marry a controlling asshole, or play the ‘good girl’ except at holidays and birthdays. I don’t need rescued, except maybe from my job. 😉

In some aspects, though, I’ve still got that romantic heart, waiting to be swept away, even if just for a few days of wild romance. It’s a fun fantasy. A day dream. Things in my life are really good right now. He and I are connecting more often in play. We can talk about things more easily. I’ve been asking for what I want, what I need, and even occasionally, what I desire. I’m even getting it more often, and not just from him.

I did write about my favorite quote – that one by Poe up in the top right corner of this blog. About taking that plunge more often, living an extra-ordinary life. Not letting fear rule me. It has been my goal this year. And, step by step, I’m doing better. Moving forward and finding my way.

Christmas is coming, and I promised my mom I’d buy interview clothes with the money she sent me. But I think I might also just find a long thin skirt with a slit up the side. Just for fun.


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