Buddhism and Poly

August 17th, 2014

That was the class I attended this week. I’ve heard these things before. I’ve been told most of them repeatedly. But this week, for whatever reason. I heard some of the words in a new way. Not just listened and nodded, really heard them.

It started with “What about me?” A way that insecurity and jealous often comes up for me. And one of the presenters was saying it. It was good to hear it said out loud, by someone else. To hear that I am not alone in feeling that way. He poked me and I nodded and smirked. Yes, I’m listening. And it felt good to hear.

And they answered that question a couple different ways, but the one that stuck with me was “It’s not about me.” What someone else is doing is not about me. When a sig other falls for someone else, it isn’t about me. When he plays with someone else, it isn’t about me. We are very self-centered, as humans. We see things from our own perspective, and sometimes, it’s really hard not to make everything about yourself. But, most of the time, it isn’t about me. Even when he’s interacting with me, it isn’t always about me. It could be about the hard day he has had, or the stress he is feeling, or allergies, or needing to sleep or eat. When a manager is snippy, it usually isn’t about me either, it’s about how they are feeling, or what they’re being told, or the stress they are experiencing.

I had a couple “what about me” moments later in the week, and I reminded myself, “it’s not about me.” And ya know what? It wasn’t. And I felt better just letting it go and enjoying myself.

The next thing I heard was about suffering. Suffering, they taught us, is not just about feeling bad, nor just about negative things. Suffering, in this case, is about being attached to things that are in the past, good or bad, instead of focusing on the now. And suffering is also writing stories about the future, instead of living in the now.

For me, this doesn’t mean forget the past or ignore the future. Rather, it reminds me that good or bad, the past is over, it’s not coming back, and I have to be present in the now. It reminds me that the future is uncertain and the only way to have a good one is to be present in the now. Do what is best right now, the future will come anyway.

So, my new goals are to stop living in fear of things that have gone wrong in the past. To stop living in fear of the unknown future. To enjoy my life right now. To share my life with those I love and tear down the walls I have built to hide behind. Here I come world. I am ready to live my life to the fullest.

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20 Responses to “Buddhism and Poly”

  1. Lover says:

    Wonderful.

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  13. Vivian says:

    I have found Buddhism to be so very helpful in my personal life. It’s hard to keep up with it, but suffering and desire really ring true to me.

    It’s easy for me to say “it’s not about me” when an SO is upset about a hard day at work. It’s much harder to say “it’s not about me” when he’s stroking the hair of another girl. Somehow I can’t bridge the gap between those two concepts. It’s something to work on, I guess.

    • PervertedImp says:

      It really is hard sometimes. Logically, the attention he gives someone else has nothing to do with you, unless he’s an ass who wants to make you jealous – which is a problem on its own. But logic brain gets ignored when emotional brain starts in with the ‘what about me?’

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