Power Dynamics

October 14th, 2009

I have different power dynamics in my life, different relationship dynamics, and different energy dynamics. How do people manage these things in a poly lifestyle?

My answer is separation. I don’t know if it’s a good answer, and it certainly causes strain sometimes. I try to keep my interactions with my partners separate. I spend time with them apart from the others. If two or more are in the same place, at the same event, I try to make sure that one is occupied before playing with the other. I do this in reverse as well, I try not to interfere when one of my partners is playing with another of his partners. Though, this too, sometimes causes upset, if communication is not clear.

I talk about the differences in my partners often in this blog. But recently I was thinking about it very specifically, because it was the Energy mixing I was trying to avoid at a particular regular event. I was trying to figure out how to explain it to them, and this is what I came up with to describe the three different relationships.

1) Husband: Master/slave dynamic, Romantic/Forever Love energy

2)Lover: Top/bottom dynamic, High sexual energy

3)Mentor: Dom/sub dynamic, Intense playful energy

I find these different dynamics difficult to balance if my partners are in the same place, wanting attention at the same time. My husband/Master comes first in such situations, but I feel neglectful of my other relationships if he monopolizes my time. So, I choose to keep them as separate as possible, and divide my time as best as I can manage.

Poly is about time management, they tell me. I do my best, but in this busy world, sometimes I wander in the wrong direction and stumble.  They love me, though, and pick me back up, and we find a new path. It’s never perfect, but we try to keep moving forward the best we can.

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