March 6th, 2014
Sorry for all the mindless blather last month. I’m sure some of you liked it, but I’m equally sure some of you ignored it entirely after the first few posts, if that. I often comment here that I’m not good at social media. Really, I’m just not good at social in general. Interacting with a whole bunch of strangers is not really my thing. I like small groups of people I know. Which makes having started an anonymous blog seem like a very silly idea. But I wanted somewhere to write, without all the scrutiny. The blog has become less and less anonymous over the years, through my own efforts, as well as friends passing it along. And, given the low volume of comments, it is still pretty much low on the scrutiny. I do appreciate those who take the time to reply, but that’s not what this ramble is about.
Social ability. I’m not the creepy guy, or the stalker girl. I am the quiet one, the shy girl just watching from the edge. I’ve pushed myself to introduce myself to people at gatherings lately, but then I don’t know what to say once I’ve gotten (and forgotten) their names. I recently abandoned plans to go to a movie night because that many people in a small space seemed way too taxing, so I hung out with one person instead.
But even there I’m fairly hopeless. I hardly ever hang out with friends. My polycule, yes. Going to the regular events where crew is working/supporting, yes. Gaming once a week, yes. But hey let’s go to a movie, watch tv, or have dinner? Hardly ever. Ex-lover and I have lunch once a month or so. In six months, the blacksmith and I have managed dinner twice. Yes, I’m busy with work and school, but tonight I could have gone to a munch, a sangha, or a write-in, and instead, I stayed home.
I’d like to say it’s just a phase, trying to balance two classes, full-time hours, and a load of stress(insecurity, fear, frustration), but I’m kinda always like this. Though the desire to hermit is a bit stronger right now for all the above.
I’ve never really considered myself to have a fear of abandonment, but I’m starting to wonder. I moved around every five years or so growing up. Lost friends. I have three friends left from HS, but no one from grade school, and I really only talk to one of the HS friends on a regular basis. College, everyone moved to the four corners of the world, and though there are two right in town with me who I considered close, I really only talk to my best friend in England regularly. College relationships did what college relationships do, none lasting more than a few months. Heck, some of them were better After the break up. I am highly cynical of new people, trusting only superficially, waiting for that misstep, or for them to move right along.
I also think I’ve been watching too much Dexter. Comparing oneself and one’s relationships to a fictional serial killer and his friends and family, is probably not the best way to cheer yourself up. And for those who are also fans, I just finished season 4, so there’s that, too.
I’m not a bad person, I’m just struggling with relationships right now, and insecurity. They always say that you have a lot of people who call themselves friends, but true friends are few and far between. I am truly grateful for those few I have found so far.
February 28th, 2014
5 Favorite Scenes I’ve Posted
- The Kilt and the Prom Dress
- Tied Up and Tossed in a Corner
- Negotiation Win
- Jute, Nipple Clamps and Tears
- Flying Again
Top 5 Viewed Scenes I’ve Posted
- Tied Up and Tossed in a Corner (867 Views)
- The Kilt and the Prom Dress (782 Views)
- Floating and Tingly (448 Views)
- Negotiation Win (398 Views)
- I’m a Bootlicker, and That’s Okay (309 Views)
February 28th, 2014
- Nipple Clamps
- Strait Jacket
- Hemp Rope
- TENs Unit
February 28th, 2014
Favorite Computer/Video Games
- Kingdom Hearts
- World of Warcraft
- Super Mario Brothers 3
- Lego Star Wars
- Where in Europe is Carmen San Diego?
February 27th, 2014
Top 5 Outdoor Activities
- Watching the sun set
February 26th, 2014
Top Five Things I do on an Evening Alone
- Read a book
February 25th, 2014
Top Five Things I Like to do on an Evening with Friends
- Share a meal
- Watching movies
- Kinky or Geeky parties
- Sit around a campfire (mmm S’mores)
February 24th, 2014
Favorite Things about Living Alone
- Setting my own schedule
- Choosing whatever dinner/movie/music/light levels I want
- Sprawling out (me and my stuff)
- Not finding unknown science experiments in the fridge/sink
- Guiltless Hitachi whenever I want
Least Favorite Things about Living Alone
- Dinner being decided by my ability to open jars
- Strange noises at night
- Only having a hitachi to respond to noisy neighbor sex
- Long cold nights
- Smaller book/dvd collection
February 23rd, 2014
Lots of Lists of Favorite Characters
- Spike (from Buffy)
- Captain Jack Harkness
- Dr Who (David Tennant)
- River Tam
- River Song
- Captain Jack Sparrow
- Jason Bourne
- Evelyn (The Mummy – librarian)
- Iron Man
- West Wing
- Harry Potter
- Star Trek (yes, all of them)
- Zeddicus Zu’l Zorander (SoT)
- Drizzt Do’Urden (Salvatore)
- Lestat (Rice)
- Mystra (Eliminster Series)
- Polgara (Eddings)
February 22nd, 2014
Favorite Phrases from Last Night’s Spam Folder
- McCartney pressed the minister which will your baby free elephant
- Dog on to the ground curled upward much like funyuns (70s flashback)
- A bass fishing rods” and by george catalog around the spy equipment . a A cloning ethics.
- this web site is my aspiration
- police officers who will tell a company people were blessed because of not slinging on a car seatbelt
- Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help others.
- And someone who actually tried to be coherent: The Lord of the Rings is regarded as to have experienced a terrific effect on contemporary fantasy, along with the influence of Tolkien’s functions is such that the use of the phrases “Tolkienian” and “Tolkienesque” is recorded inside the Oxford English Dictionary. Its enormous and enduring reputation has triggered several references in well-liked way of life, the founding of several societies by supporters of Tolkien’s works, along with the publication of plenty of publications about Tolkien and his operates. The Lord of the Rings has inspired, and continues to encourage, artwork, audio, films and tv, video video games and subsequent literature. Adaptations in the Lord of your Rings happen to be created for radio, theatre, and film.
But I don’t know what it had to do with my post Defining My Kinky Self