We Did the Thing!

August 27th, 2015

This past weekend was a really good one. We had our usual monthly Friday party, two rope intensives on Saturday, a Saturday party, and our monthly rope gathering on Sunday. It was so much fun, and educational, and we did the thing!   Both parties went really well, more attendees the first night, but that was to be expected. We had whip classes and bottoming classes and a superb performance to watch from our wonderful presenters.

The intensive that I attended on Saturday was really good and fun. We started out with a running man suspension, which I’d never done before, to learn a new way to attach to the point. The attachment was designed with vertical suspension in mind, and had three points on the chest harness, to keep the bottom from tipping over in one direction or the other. It worked really well. Then we worked on a particular style of 3-rope TK for the rest of the morning. The presenter joked that he tricked us all into yet another TK class, but this one focus a lot on the third rope, and the WHY’s more than the how.

After lunch we split up, the tops working on up-lines, and the bottoms having kind of a round-table on bottoming. Our presenter had some topics she wanted to discuss, and so we bounced around on them. She gave us some good stretches for rope, and a strengthening exercise for shoulders. We talked about choosing good rope tops, and safety, and Why we all choose Rope. It was a really good discussion.

Lastly, we all came back together to try a transitional suspension. One that began with the TK we’d been working on all morning, rigged into a side suspension. Next, each ankle was rigged in a single column tie, first going out to the side, and then up behind the bottom nearly all the way to the ring. This led to the next position, which was hanging by the ankles, by dropping the chest line completely. The finally position was re-rigging the chest from behind and bringing the bottom up into a face-down suspension. Getting down was a simple matter of dropping the ankles back to the floor. Only about half the class managed it after having spent the entire day working hard. We didn’t even fully get to the second position.

Sunday, however, was a new day. A decent amount of rest was had after the Saturday party, and we were ready to try again:

We worked on the TK first, getting it into place, the third rope on, and the bottom wraps not-too-tight. The previous day this had been our biggest difficulty, but we got it down better on Sunday. Once sorted, he rigged me up to the ring, left side down.

Then came the ankles. Single column ties, loose, but not too loose. I have small heels, and my left kept slipping out the day before. Right leg up straight out to the side and a little up. Left leg up behind it. Not so bad, a little rough without a waist line.

But now it is time to go the rest of the way up. Pulling my ankles up behind me to the ring seems like a simple thing, but my body doesn’t normally bend that way. Right away it becomes uncomfortable. Soon, it becomes painful. My lower back is confused as fuck – what the hell do you think you’re doing, you crazy rope bunny, we are not made of Gumby stuff. Oh god, I can’t breathe, what the hell? Shut up brain, we can breathe, see, we are moaning in pain, that’s totally breathing. He checks in. Yeah, I’m surviving, tie the ankles quickly please. I’m sweating and shaking and moaning, but he gets them tied off.

He checks in again, have you ever hung by your ankles? No. He calls in a nearby rigger to be a spotter in case I red out. I just want this awful pressure off my chest and back. He lowers my chest.

Oh dear gods, sweet sweet air. I’m am hanging upside down by my ankles. but my chest is free. Well, okay, I’m still in a TK, but the pressure is gone and I can breathe. My left hand is even getting feeling back again. So Much Better, I gasp. I don’t even care the my head is resting on the ground, I can breathe again. I am sure that I’m spacing out as they chuckle at me.

Ready to go back up? I take a few more breaths, and curl my head, going from resting on the back of it, to resting on my forehead, so he can pull me straight up again. He grabs the lift line and drops to the ground, zipping me up into the air. He tells the spotter we’re alright now, but I ask him to stay, upside down was easy, upright is the hard part.

You okay? Yeah, but my lower back thinks I’m crazy, I don’t bend into a V quite as well as younger folk.

Careful breathing as he lifts me fully up and ties me off. Oh dear gods the pain and pressure are back. Not Nearly as bad as the sideways twist, but my body really thinks I’ve gone insane. Almost there, I tell it, just a little longer.

He unties the line of one foot, our friendly spotter offers to do the other one, so both come down at the same time. Nah, he says, I want to fuck with her. We all laugh, and I groan a bit, as he lets one leg down slowly. I let out a soft curse as he gets that one all the way down and it can’t quite touch the ground. But he is quick with the second and I’m back on my feet in no time. Gasping for breath, grinning from ear to ear.

We did it! We did the thing! Thank you! So happy to have completed the challenge we set for ourselves. We’re both in a better mood, and I am bouncy the rest of the afternoon.

Such a good way to wrap up a great weekend.

 

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Are You a Wildmage?

September 16th, 2010

I am a geek. He looked at me and asked if I get upset when my D&D character does something wrong or bad. I said of course not. He asked what is the difference? I said that was a character, a game. He pointed out that being object is just a role I choose to play, and a lightning bolt hit me in the head.

Are you submissive? Yes. Are you an object? No.

The second should not have been a hard question, nor should it have had so many wide ranging implications, but it was and therefore it did. No, I did not think I was an object, but yes, I was trying to be one. Trying really damn hard to be one, and be a perfect one, without the error and failure that is inherent to being human. We knew I have a perfectionist streak. What we did not know, is that I had gotten lost in the intoxication of the fantasy, and had forgotten that object was a role, not a goal. I enjoy thinking for myself, making my own decisions, being a smart ass, loving, living, playing and serving. Object is one way to play and serve, but it is far too limited a role to wear all the time. I am so much more than that.

What problems was this causing?

Because I was not keeping the line drawn between fantasy and reality, I was not divorcing object’s actions from self. I was carrying baggage from our scenes back into my day to day life. I was carrying guilt and blame from play into reality. Instead of using our transition ritual in the way it was intended, to shed the trappings of object, I was gathering it all up to pile on self. Self gave way under the pressure a few weeks ago, and we had been scrambling to figure out what had caused it ever since.

Viewing object as a part of self instead of as a role to put on also led to problems with the transition into object space, as well. I had trouble identifying the boundaries between submissive and object. I had trouble communicating when I was going from one to the other. I thought of object as a deeper part of my submission, so one night, even though I felt objectified, I did not identify that as a need to begin object space.

Another problem was keeping my focus in object space. If we were in public, I would give him priority, but I was also still interacting with other people fairly normally. When I would turn to address him, I would not always have my object role firmly in mind, nor his as owner. I would drop Sir, or be thinking of him as boyfriend. This loss of focus and loss of role had the potential to cause hurt to us both.

What are solutions to these problems?

One solution to the problem of leaving object’s baggage with object, is in properly using the transitional ritual he had me create. Looking back at my post about the creation of the ritual, I was more focused on limiting drop from our scene. Limiting its effects on my other partners. He spoke of relieving girlfriend of any lingering guilt for object’s actions, but I don’t think I really understood that as well as I do now. The ritual I created worked for my needs then and it covers current needs as well. The gratitude not only serves to simply be grateful for what he gave to me in the scene, but can also serve to acknowledge it as just that, a scene. Service, which often was discussing the scene to help us both process, was intended to give me time to deal with the emotions and reactions to the scene in the immediate, so I did not carry them with me back out into the world. Connection, to reconnect with him as girlfriend and finish the transition out of the role of object, back to the reality of self.

The solution to the second problem is self awareness. Staying aware of my self even while transitioning. Being very aware of what it feels like and being able to communicate that clearly. I need to keep in mind that not only do I need to take on the role of object, but at the very same time, he needs to take on the role of owner. He can only do that if I clearly communicate with him. Owner/object does not work if both roles are not fully taken at the same time. We created verbal tools to do this, my saying Sir, and his confirming with me, or his asking the trigger question of Aren’t you under dressed? and my confirming with a Yes, Sir. If he is pushing me mentally or physically towards object space, it is up to me to let him know when I arrive. He cannot know my mind, and so I must. I must be aware and clear and able to communicate with him, before, during and after a scene.

Solving the third problem is something I have had a constant struggle with over the last seven months. I had it tackled for a while, having problems only with volume and clear speaking as opposed to staying in state. I think this is part of the same need for awareness, but in this case, not just awareness for myself, but for him as well. I have a responsibility to maintain my role as well as keeping his in mind. This is not a part I can equate to gaming, we rarely stay in character at the table, and I’ve had very little experience with LARP, but theater on the other hand works. I was in a lot of plays as a teenager, and while I never had a big part, it was always important to stay in character on stage, no matter what you were doing. You don’t address your fellow actors as your friends, but only as the character they are currently playing. Sir is the verbal tool here as well, a reminder of role in every sentence I speak. A requirement of the character I have chosen to play.

These are not the only problems, nor the only solutions, but they are a place to start.



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