Day Ten – Hard Limits
January 10th, 2011
What are your hard limits?
My hard limits list post was made in November of 2009. I have shared it with friends and partners over the months. It has been used as a checklist by some and a guide for others. It has been held up as an example and read many times over.
I was considering this post over the last few days, wondering how things had changed, if they had, or if it was just, ever and always, partner specific. Looking over that list, there’s not a single thing on there that I would consider doing with someone I just met, someone I’d never played with, or someone I did not have some sort of established kink or romantic relationship with. That’s what limits are, after all. Things you will not do.
On the other hand, there are things on those lists that I do or consider doing, with my current partners. The middle list, things that are soft because one partner or another may do them, has expanded now and many of those things have become things I enjoy or am really turned on by, with the partner I have explored them with. There are things in the top, hard limits, section, that I have offered him, though we have not acted on many of those offers.
Limits lists are never done, never fully complete, and may depend on the partner in question. So what are my hard limits? Take a look.
No Limits
March 25th, 2010
I posted my limits list some time back. Recently, however, I asked him to take me into the darkness. Deep into it, past simple submission and into places where limits only get in the way.
I had face slapping as a hard limit and he stripped it away with logic and I let it go the rest of the way in a burst of confusion, but given the chance, I did not take it back. When I am in that space, I call him Sir, except when I fail to, which is more often than either of us would like, but that is another topic entirely. He convinced me to agree that I deserved to be slapped for forgetting to say Sir because I was disrespecting him by doing so. I agreed to this, feeling he was right, I deserved to be punished for these infractions. Not long after this, he asked if he could now slap me whenever he wanted, and I said Yes, Sir, thinking he meant as punishment as we had agreed. As he laughed at my quick agreement, I realized he meant for any reason, or for none. I fluttered and stammered, but did not take it back. We talked about one reason behind the limit being facial bruising. He even asked me, if I wished to take back my agreement and I said no. I trust him, I love him and I want to give up control to him. Face slapping does not turn me on, but it is one example of stripping away my limits to give him full control.
Giving up my limits, thus far, has been smoother than I thought. Though I still cling tightly to a few, knowing full well I will give them up, but still allowing fear to hold tight so far. He has been steadily working me up to longer whips, and harder floggers since we met, pushing me and my limits. As noted above, I gave up face slapping. Just a few weeks ago, I inadvertently gave up breaking the skin and blood when he used a grill brush on my thigh that did more damage than we planned. He called my limits a checklist, and he is not wrong.
I want to give up everything to him, I want to let go of all control and all choice when I am with him in that space. Limits have no place there. To truly submit to his will, I must be willing to do anything for him, without hesitation. This scares me, but I must not let fear take the control I want to give to him. I must be willing to let him slap me, poke me with needles, whip me, yes, even wrap a snake around me, if that is what will please him. Not just let him, but ask him, ask him to use me in whatever way serves his will. Fear and limits will only hold me back, I must let go.
20 Hard Limits
November 21st, 2009
I was asked recently what I would not offer freely. This got me to thinking about my limits. I had not explored them seriously in quite some time. Just random comments of, “no red,” or “you know that’s a hard limit” when things came up. Back when Husband and I first entered the community, I did a lot with lists. Filled out fetish lists, filled out like/dislike/limits lists. But it had been quite a while since I seriously visited the topic, and limits do change over time. My partners have challenged my limits, poking them gently here and there, never Leaping over the line, just prodding it until they made a hole to slip through. Or, in a couple cases, waiting until I changed my mind and Asked to try something.
So I now have three lists. Current Hard Limits, acknowledging that things do change. Previously Hard Limits that have been pushed to Soft Limits, acknowledging that these are still tricky ground, and often partner specific. And a very short Soft Limits list of two things I didn’t know enough to have put on my Hard Limits list in the first place.
Current Hard Limits
Children
Age Play/Infantilism
Animals(yes, this includes snakes)
Furry Play
Shit
Piss
Puke
Blood (except for sex during menstruation)
Needles/Staples
Hooks/Piercings
Cutting of the skin (does not include scraping/scratching or breaking from impact play)
Medical Play (specifically enemas, sounds, catheters)
Removal of my pubic hair
Branding
Bull whips (longer than 4 feet)
Significant Facial Impact (smacking, hitting, punching, etc)
Unsafe sex
Public sex (more than two other people present)
Willfully Breaking the Law (only exception is private play in a public area where there is reasonable safety of not being caught, (i.e. sex after dark in a car or park))
Humiliation Play
Previously Hard Limits that have been pushed to Soft Limits
Breath play
Ball gags
Grabbing by the throat
Gentle face slapping
Uncle
Single Tails(under 4 feet)
Dragon Tails
Sex while menstruating
Anal
Soft Limits
Essential Flavored Oils
Diet/Food Control