December 9th, 2010
A lot on my mind this week, so I may end up with several posts, just going to start typing and see where I end up.
I had a couple random ideas last week. The first being around forced feminization. Wikipedia defines it as: when a man is forced to put on women’s clothes and instructed how to behave and talk Yes, I am a girl, yes, I previously owned skirts and dresses. But I only wore them for Very special occasions – weddings for the most part, once I got out of school, and the Renaissance Festivals. Currently, at his request, and because it is too cold for shorts in December, I wear skirts four days a week, not always the entire day, but two of those days, it is generally two different skirts or dresses.
I regularly have people bring me skirts and dresses to increase my “girlish” wardrobe. I am often teasingly scolded for my lack of stockings. At play parties, I am often told I need more appropriate footwear. One of the groups I’m involved with in town has caused me to buy more lingerie in two years than I have ever owned in my entire life. Last time my mother visited, I even let her take me shopping to buy multiple skirts, and bought a couple on my own at a thrift store, and I don’t even buy clothes for myself normally. As noted last week, skirts and other girl clothes are big items on my wish list this year.
I think Wikipedia would consider all this to be consensual feminization, but every now and then I pause and wonder. Wow, when did I become such a girl? And then I feel better about myself when I get an invitation to shopping event involving make-up, manicures, perfume and other such things, and I remember that I am not that much of a girlie girl. Nothing wrong with all those things, they are just not me. I’ll stick with dressing more like a girl, because it not only makes the men happy, but it also helps me feel good about myself and my body.
Second random thought was about masochism and sadism. Back to Wikipedia: Sadism is pleasure in infliction of pain or humiliation upon another person, while masochism is pleasure in receiving the pain. I went to a class taught by Midori earlier this year, where she discussed the term pain, and her preference for “intense stimulation” instead because pain can encompass so many things that are not pleasurable. But that is neither here nor there, my thoughts were running along the lines of what am I really? I identify as a pain slut, so masochist is obvious.
But I also top violet wand scenes, delight in watching him giving others intense sensations and find entertainment in my own intense sensations causing distress in others. Does this make me a sadist? The latter two are not me inflicting pain or sensation, just enjoying the results of someone else doing so. When I top electric scenes, I am not doing so to cause pain. I enjoy making people squirm and squeak, but usually I’m trying to ticklish spot. I do not go for the screaming and the expressions of pain. It is intense stimulation, I agree, but I’m doing it to teach and share my experiences and enjoyable stimulation. I do not get joy out of Causing pain and am hesitant to even try, though I can be enlisted as restraints, tickler or biter.
So, perhaps, I’m a voyeuristic sadist, enjoying watching the pain of others and occasionally being a tool to assist in the causing of the pain. I think part of that also comes from knowing how much I enjoy the sensation they are receiving. So it is a sympathetic or empathetic enjoyment, as well as enjoying the interactions for themselves and the people involved.
I think I will stop there for the moment. I have another topic to write about, but it is much bigger and more personal. So I’ll post this as it’s own post, and work on the next one separately. What are your thoughts on fashion, pain and enjoyment?
December 4th, 2010
The holiday season is full upon us, with all the busy that it entails. Family gatherings, play parties, work parties, club parties. Presents, buying, giving, donating, shopping,wrapping, mailing cooking, decorating, planning. Everyone is running at full tilt, and the weather is crashing down around us, trying to remind us to slow down and enjoy the season.
What am I looking forward to the most this holiday season? A play party? The big party at the club? Sexy lingerie? Thigh high boots? No, this year, I’m looking forward to quiet time with my loved ones. A weekend off from the club and work to spend with Hubby. A day with no parties, no responsibilities, and no drama. We’ll have a nice dinner together and see a movie, then come home and just relax for an entire evening. The Little One is coming by for that last, the holidays are no time to be alone, so she will join in on our quiet time. I imagine irreverent movies will be the order of the evening, while snuggling all together on the big fluffy couch. There is not much family time to be had lately, with all the events and scheduling and plans and work, but on Christmas, we get to stop and just be together for a day.
I was looking back at my holiday post from last year. I did an “All I Want For Christmas” post, with a wish list of things. A few of which I purchased over the last year, but most of which remain pipe dreams. At least they are still in the pipe, though, I have not given up on them. Most of my thoughts this year run towards clothes, when they get away from fixing my computers. Thigh-high boots, thigh-high stockings, sexy-but-warmer club wear, shiny PVC skirts and shirts, and winter day-wear skirts are topping my list. Money’s tight, and I still have not figured out how it will be divided up, but I think at least one skirt will find its way under our non-existent tree this year.
It looks like Daily Flashes of Erotica Quarterly #1 is still available for Christmas purchasing. I hear Amazon delivers quickly and am still waiting on my own copies from the publisher.
What are you looking forward to this holiday season? Mistletoe kisses? Wrapped and delivered submissives? Or that New Year’s kiss from that special someone?