Rope, Beatings, and Service

February 10th, 2017

I had a really nice time at WW last weekend. I got to hang out with many members of my chosen family, and one even offered me a bed, so I didn’t have to drive home in the middle of the nights. It was fun to hang out and snuggle and go to classes together.  I even got to do some rope with him when we went to afternoon classes, including one very intense, randomly generated groundwork tie.

I had two scenes over the weekend, one each night. One a reprise of a last year’s scene with an old friend. This time with more pressure points than body drumming, but a good mix of both. He pulled much writhing and many squeals of pleasureful pain out of me with pushing his nails into points on my calves and thighs.

The other, with him, our usual, extremely enjoyable flogging, beating, whipping mixture. Pounding my back to the beat of the music. Spinning me round for whip kisses while he looks into my eyes. And a good few hard shots with a leather cock to lay some nice defined bruising on my thighs. I even asked for a light dragon tail tip cool down to settle me back to earth, since there wasn’t enough room for the full whip. Then we went to the rope room to sit and chill while I rested my head on his thigh and he occasionally stroked my hair. We saw many beautiful rope scenes while we relaxed together.

There was also service throughout the weekend. Fetching drinks and chocolate, monitoring his space when he flogged others, helping with tools and clean-up, watching his bags when needed. I also did a little bootblacking for the friend who scened with me. He had shiny boots, so I actually got to use polish on real leather boots that weren’t my own.

One of the classes I went to in the morning, before he arrived, was on Service, given by Mollena. It was a really fun, engaging, and educational class. She spoke not only about giving service gracefully, but receiving it gracefully, as well. She talked about how service is part of a power Exchange – heavy emphasis on the exchange. If you, as a service giver, are not getting anything from the one receiving service, then it is not an Exchange. There are many ways to create this exchange, and it’s important to figure out what you need, not just what you can give.

Sometimes what you are getting is the attention of the person you are serving. She gave a great in-class example. She asked someone in the back for a glass of water, and while they got it, she went on talking. When the woman handed her the water. She then looked right at her and asked for another, and then paid full attention to the woman the entire time she went and came back with the glass of water. Holding her with her eyes when the woman gave her the water and as she thanked her for it. The entire class felt the difference.

She also talked about being your True Self. How some of her early service relationships/trainers had her providing service that she was unfit for or uninterested in providing. She told some really horrible stories about the results of that service. She advocates for deciding for yourself what service you have to offer, and finding the person who wishes to receive that service. Being a slave, she told us, isn’t about becoming what someone else wants you to be, but about being yourself and connecting with those whose needs match what you can offer them.

Let’s not forget the Prime Directive either, which I have talked about here in other words: “It is the primary responsibility of the slave to protect the master’s property at all times, up to and including protecting the property from their master.” This is not only about speaking up for yourself, and making sure that you are being taken care of, but it is also about self care. That is one thing I struggle with every day.

It was an excellent class, and I still have more processing to do on it.

All in all, it was a very good weekend.

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Quiet Holidays

December 15th, 2016

I posted a lot in November, and haven’t posted since. Sorry about that. I’ve been taking lots of Me Time. Playing video games, watching Netflix, relaxing, and even some cooking. Looking forward to some quiet holidays. I’ve got my usual short family visit at some point, puppy-sitting, and a small NYE gathering coming up. A nice quiet holiday season.

There was a nice class on tea/dinner service last night. My favorite part of the class was the discussion of Service as a cycle of energy exchange. The presenter discussed how the Recipient provides opportunities for the Server to provide service. The Server in turn, performs the actions. The recipient receives pleasure/comfort from the actions, and the server feels pleasure/comfort from performing the actions. There is also opportunity for gratitude, discussion, and compliments. Service is not one-sided. There have to be two engaged people, or you would have no one to serve.

Looking forward to the conventions coming up. DeCon and Winter Wickedness. I still have to get my tickets, but I should be good to go for both. I don’t have any particular plans, but to have a good time with friends and loved ones. I’m sure plans will get sorted out closer to. A bit distracted and thoughts scattered today. I’ll try and get back to posting substantial things again soon.

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Sex, Words, and Trauma 2015

October 18th, 2015

“So, you’re not going to write about me?”

I don’t write about the sex I have. I don’t write about things I’m not willing to do in public, because let’s face it, the internet is public. Intimacy is intimate, to me. Bedrooms are private. I write about scenes, and if they were private scenes at the time, that led to sexy things, I generally have a fade to black. Or did not describe that part specifically. So, when I have a relationship that is more intimate and less kinky, I don’t write about what we do. I think, instead, I might give a try writing about how it makes me feel.

I am also having a love languages issue, complicated by my ever-present battle with insecurity. Service is my main love language, and it is present in all of my relationships – taking care of one another. It is the Words of Affirmation, that I am finding myself stumbling over. Part of my brain says that service, actions, should be enough. That I shouldn’t need specific words, or that I should hear the words in the actions. But I have discovered that I do want to hear the words, as well, far more than I realized. So, I’m working on the how and why of that.

Trauma is coming! Two weeks from now, Trauma will be over, and I will be Sleeping. Crew is shaping up nicely, much better than my exhausted brain remembered Friday night. So that’s good. I’m looking forward to it with the same kind of dread and excitement as always, though perhaps a bit more dread as it coincides with the weekend between my last two weeks of internships, and the weekend has a wedding to go to, as well.

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Group Service

April 19th, 2015

As a service sub, I have generally only served one person. I serve him in a variety of ways, at varying levels of protocol, depending on the situation and event. I have served him in combination with his other partners or alone, in his home, at kink events, and even at vanilla conventions.

Recently, he gave me the opportunity to serve a small group which included himself, at a vanilla, but kink accepting, gathering. The small group was all aware of our relationship and had observed my service to him at various levels. We discussed my wearing a uniform – which was up to me to decide on, clothing selection being limited, and having to be wearable outdoors at points. We discussed the protocol – I would kneel beside him unless performing a specific task. He asked if there was anything I needed, as I would be kneeling for quite some time, and I suggested a pillow might be useful. And we discussed my service – I would perform tasks requested by any person at the table – mostly fetching of drinks and food. There was also a challenge – one of those at the table was quite used to serving his partner himself, though not in as formal an arrangement as mine, and I was to do my best to not allow this.

When the gathering began, he informed the group of my service to them. I retrieved a pillow from the couch, and initial drink requests. During the event, I discovered that putting the pillow between my calves and thighs was a much better use of it than trying to kneel on it – much like a kneeling bench, and was able to keep feeling in my legs the entire night. The service went fairly well for him and the couple used to service – even the one used to serving was entertained by being served. The other couple, however, was much more self-sufficient and for the most part, did not ask me for things.

How did I feel about all of this? What did this experience mean to me? The group was playing a boardgame that I would have otherwise not participated in, and therefore it gave me an excuse to attend, and be near to him. It was a good way to have connection with him after missing a few of our usual nights together. I enjoyed serving the other couple, too, as a way to show my appreciation for what they have contributed to my life. They often invite me into their home.

He asked me if I was aroused by this service. I said no, but it is a bit more complicated than that. I am not usually aroused by service – I am fulfilled, I told him. Now, certain parts or types of service are arousing to me – bootblacking for him, kneeling for him. So, I was aroused by spending so much time kneeling by his side. But, serving the other couple and him, by bringing them drinks and food, or performing tasks for him, was not arousing, but fulfilling for me.

This was a new experience for me. We are not a high-protocol couple, and as such, have never attended high-protocol dinners or tea services. But it was interesting to me that I found fulfillment in serving others alongside himself. Not surprising, per se, I am service oriented in my everyday life, too, but not in such a direct way as this.

These thoughts led me to actually consider a recent call for bootblacks at an event. I enjoy service and bootblacking, could I enjoy it at a “public” event? Fear and inexperience spoke up and shouted me down, but there are other reasons that I did not respond to the call. Yes, I enjoyed serving the group, but he was a part of that group, and directed my service. Bootblacking is a joy for me, but mostly in my service to him. Blacking his boots is arousing to me, and I feel awkward about the thought of blacking boots other than his (or ones I’m practicing on, because yay for learning skills). I don’t play with strangers, and am uncomfortable making myself vulnerable to people I don’t know in this way. Or even people that I do know, but don’t have that kind of relationship with. Especially without him there.

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All of the Things

January 23rd, 2015

Researched Topologist’s Chest Loading Takate Kote this week. Looks interesting. Rolled my eyes at detractors who like the view from their high horses just a little too much, but stayed out of the arguments myself. Tried out a new dynamic hip harness on Wednesday. It does not work well for my body, or my tastes, not sure if it is one or both. But I have the bruises and missing skin to prove it.  Heading to Snowbound this weekend, so… More Rope! But first we have the Burlesque show with crew tomorrow night. And soon, Winter Wickedness!

Beginning to formulate ideas for scenes and service. Feel like I should come up with more ideas on the latter, but really have only come up with boots, fetch, and sadistic assistant. I think I also volunteered to take notes in classes, but this might be part of the last. Did come up with some scene ideas today. They could be used this weekend or then, or whenever, but at least I got out of med-head long enough to toss some ideas out into the air. Really not interested in this cold lasting much longer, but I don’t think it’s going to give me any choice in the matter. Haven’t had con-crud in a while, guess it was my turn (though, from the sounds of it, it was everyone’s turn this week).

Okay, I really should sleep now, but I wanted to put something out here before the weekend.

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For the Love of Service

April 10th, 2014

I just watched an episode of House, M.D. about a blogger. She blogs her entire life (except her BM, that is), and it got me wondering about my blogging. I blog once a week here and on my family-friendly blog (which is like my weekly call home, as generally it is only my family who comments on it, though a few friends do read it, too). I’ve been at this blog for nearly five years now, with 413 posts including this one (I’m sure the actual 5-year mark will be a fun celebration of links or something).

I didn’t post last week, and I really wasn’t sure what I was going to post about this week. I don’t share a lot of the Really Personal stuff here, and sometimes, I just feel like I don’t want to share anything. Other times, I wonder if I have shared too much. But I still come back here (nearly) every week. Because I want to share with you, my dear readers. I want to be the voice saying, you are not alone. There are others like you, who feel the way you do, who have the same problems and missteps. This is how I give back. I was welcomed by my kink community, and I want to help others find their own, even if it is just by letting them that such a thing exists.

I was trying to explain my desire to serve to a friend this week. I went searching the Service tag on this blog, but did not find a post that really explained my view clearly and succinctly, to share with him. There are lots of posts that mention it, or talk of a specific example. But, getting right down to the heart of it, did not seem to be there. So, I told him: helping people fills me up.

It really is as simple as that. I’ve lasted in the retail industry for eleven years, not because I love sales (hate it, hate it with a firey passion), but because I love helping people. And yet, he still had to point this out to me a few years ago, when I bristled at the idea of being a service sub, if only because I disliked the examples I had to that point. I’m still not sure that I would be a service sub for any future partner, but I know the caretaker in me comes out regardless of whatever dynamic we may or may not have.

I went to a really awesome service intensive this past weekend, but when I looked back over my notes, I wasn’t really sure what I’d post about it, other than a general list of classes and that they were great. I didn’t want to reiterate what the teachers had spent so much time creating, it felt like I’d be stealing their hard work if I posted about a class individually in depth. So, here’s an overview.

I learned about mindfulness and gracefulness in each act of service. I learned about pouring tea and catching drips. I learned about the difference in leather-care opinions between leatherworkers and bootblacks. I learned about folding napkins and towels into fun and amusing shapes. I was reminded that receiving service is not passive, and involves just as much vulnerability as giving service. And I learned about gentle massages and nerve stroking. But more than that, it was a very small group, which enabled me to meet and connect with some really great people from the local area, and from as far away as D.C. and Minnesota. We had a wonderful time and are already asking to do it again.

As per my last post, even after a class in mindfulness, I went to lunch Monday and forgot to change into a skirt for him. My mind was so full of other things that when he looked at me funny, I didn’t even realize it until he pointed it out. I spent last night digging mud out of his boot soles, after he went to the dog park, as penance. He thanked me today, and even so, my brain was full of wishing I’d done better. Don’t I always? But I did a better job at cleaning them than I’ve ever done before, so I’ll be happy with that. And I’ll ask the other bootblacks for tips on Saturday.

Well, considering I wasn’t sure if I was going to post Anything today, I’d say that’s a fair bit of rambling about service. Good night, dear readers, see you next week.

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List Nineteen – Not So Favorite Tasks

February 19th, 2014

Some Not So Favorite Service Tasks

  1. Driving – it always makes me extra nervous, and I don’t like bad weather driving
  2. Saving seats – it means I’m sitting alone, and have to tell other people to stay away
  3. Herding cats – because sometimes people drive me crazy
  4. Taking care of myself – because I’m prone to putting others first
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List Eighteen – Favorite Service Tasks

February 18th, 2014

Top Five Favorite Service Tasks

  1. Bootblacking
  2. Fetching food/water/objects
  3. Scene assistance – holding implements, assisting lifts/drops, clean-up
  4. Pet Sitting
  5. Organizing/Cleaning
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Lists, Clothes and Betterment

January 30th, 2014

Today when I logged in I had over 1600 comments in the spam folder. Wouldn’t it be nice if that many people had actually visited my blog in the past week? But no, I average around a 100 a week, 200 if I’ve been posted to e[lust] recently. Ah well, the spam machines are busy, and Akismet does its job.

So, in 2011, I did 30 Days of Kink in January. In 2012, I did 31 Days of Gratitude in January. Last year, I was just surviving. This year, I was slacking. 😉 So, I’m going to make up for it in February. I’m going to do 28 Days of Lists. I’ve only come up with 12 so far, so if you have ideas, drop me a note, a comment, a tweet, whatever. They tell me lists are a good form of blogging, so I hope you enjoy them.

Next weekend is Winter Wickedness. I am very excited. There are so many great presenters coming, and so many interesting classes available. Not to mention the parties and the fun. It’s going to be a great weekend. He actually made a clothing request this year – skater skirts. So we each got one and are creating an outfit around it. I’m not sure what I’m wearing the second night. More thrifting may be needed. I ordered a new dress off Amazon, but they say it won’t arrive til the end of February, so that’s not going to work. I’m sure I’ll come up with something fun and shiny.

Been reading Bootblacking 101 by Andrew McDiarmid. Finding I like his talking about the experience more than his initial instructions. It is old school leather, so very much the boy in the leather bar, but the mentality is still something I can relate to. “You are a Bootblack.”

I also decided to step out of my shell a bit and bought a ticket for a service intensive. Not that service is out of my shell, but going to a kink ‘event’ without a partner, and taking steps to spend a day with like-minded individuals bettering myself as a service submissive. I’ve never even gone to a submissive roundtable before. But I know I will be surrounded by friends from this community and friendly new people I have yet to meet. It isn’t until April, but I’m looking forward to it very much.

Speaking of bettering myself and lists, my best friend made a really good suggestion to me today, that she uses in her own life. When stressing out, write things down in a list. Things That are Stressing Me Out, for instance. Acknowledging things so they are less scary is what I use my journals for. Getting it out of my head so I can see it. But the next step she suggested is important, too: look at those things and see if you can do anything about any of them. Make the things you can do into a To Do list. Do those things, or if you are already doing those things, realize that you are doing all that you can (and stressing isn’t going to help). And if there are things that you can’t do anything about, stop fretting over them (again, stressing isn’t going to help). That’s the simplified version, but it is definitely something I need to do more often.

There was also an article about asking better questions which caught my eye this week. While I found some of her questions strange, the point of the article held true. “How was your day?” or “How are you?” rarely get informative answers. Asking more personal questions, that have direct relevance to their life, will facilitate better answers and more communication. Something to keep in mind as you go about your day.

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Service and Ritual

August 29th, 2013

I attended a class last night on service and ritual and, as good classes do, it got me thinking. I carelessly commented, after, that ‘we have no rituals.’ He quickly corrected me, handing me his bottle as he did, which I instantly balanced on my palm. I struggled to clarify my meaning, acknowledging that he was correct, but I was referring to ‘something we do every time I see him.’ We don’t really do protocol, mostly because I haven’t asked for any. There are things I always wear for him: my skirts/dresses and my rubberbands. But, we stay away from formality and protocol for the most part. The ritual of serving him a drink from the palm of my hand is the only thing I would call an exception.

The class focus, however, wasn’t necessarily about that, though. There was a bit about creating rituals, and there was a lot of the use of the word. Which is why it got stuck in my brain. But the parts that I took away from the class, were about service. A stage performer and instructor, the presenter talked a lot about mindfulness and awareness of your task. Being aware of your body, your eyes, your movements, your attitude, and your top. She talked about knowing your motivation, and goals, for every act of service.

I found these things speaking to me. I do serve him his drinks on an open palm, but unless it is hot, heavy, or very full, I usually pay little mind to the act. If I am not just serving it, but holding it between sips, I am find I am more attentive to the task, because it is not ‘here you go, and done.’ But that’s not an excuse, just an observation. It is a simple thing, but it is one that makes him happy. A little more attention and mindfulness could serve me well.

His boots. One of my favorite forms of service to him is taking care of his boots. I guess you could say that this is a ritual, though it has quite a bit of variance. Sometimes I share the task with another, sometimes they are on his feet, sometimes not, sometimes I have taken them to a meeting or to my own apartment. But, when he is wearing them, there is a bit of formality, in that I kneel or sit at his feet in a submissive posture while I complete the task. I am very mindful, in this situation, too. I want to not just clean his boots, but also make him feel good. The goals are two-fold when he wears them. When he is not, I lose the formality, but it is still an act of service where the goal is to please him, and take care of him. I feel like I do stay fairly mindful, whether he is present or not, this is one task that takes my full attention.

Other acts of service, things I do because he asks, or because they are needed. Domestic services, group organizational services, editing services. All these are places where I could bring more mindfulness of not just why I do them, but how I do them. The why is usually straightforward – because he asked, and because I want to please him, help him, and reduce his stress load. Keeping these things in mind could help when I’m feeling stressed out about doing something(usually the group organization). The how could be improved as well, by just being more aware of myself while I am completing the task.

All in all, a very interesting class, which has left me with many good things to think, and act on.

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