Happy New Year!

December 31st, 2015

It is time to reflect and move forward.

Gratitude:

I am grateful to my boyfriend, for his love and support. For challenging me to learn and grow. For the hugs and kisses, rope and floggings, snuggles and pokings. For all the delicious meals and treats he made. For sharing his passions and his struggles. For everything we have shared this year.

I am grateful to his wife, for her love and support of us both. For sharing time and space. For sharing meals and hotel rooms. For her voice of reason, and her questions. For sharing her cookies, brownies, and bacon. For all the cooking she did when we were too tired.

I am grateful to them both, for another great year as part of their family.

I am grateful to my unlabeled boy, for all his caring and support. For providing me a quiet escape. For sharing his books, favorite shows, and movies. For the hugs, snuggles, kisses, and fun. For walks in the woods and around his hometown. For cooking for me and learning my food peculiarities. For making time and space for me, and working through the confusion. For a great year of growing together.

I am grateful to his girlfriend, for her caring and support. For encouraging me and helping me. For inviting me back to WoW. For sharing her time and space. For communicating with me, and being willing to work through the difficulties. For sharing food, fellowship, and Cedar Point. For another year of friendship.

I am grateful to my crewmates, for a year of fun and family. For their willingness to work together. For their tireless volunteering. For their eagerness. For family dinners at TeeJays that are never boring. For sharing their passions with me, each other, and the community. For another year of teaching, learning, and sharing.

I am grateful to my community, for another wonderful year. For working together towards the future. For so many great events. For all the love, acceptance, and support they provide. For all the opportunities to learn, grown, share, and play together.

Next Year:

  • I will fill my cup more.
  • I will write more.
  • I will read more.
  • I will learn more.
  • I will be, do, and love more.

Happy New Year, my dear readers. May it bring you peace, joy, and love.

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Looking for Concrete

January 8th, 2013

What is my endgame this year? Where do I want to be? What do I want to achieve?

Ex-Lover asked me to take 8 minutes and really visualize myself being in that space of having achieved my goals, after putting it on the calander. Select a concrete goal, set a deadline and visualize having achieved it.

But my goals from last week aren’t really concrete, that’s why he says they are more like resolutions, that’s what resolution means to him. Things you’re going to do, whereas goals are the end result. Where do I want my behavior changes to take me?

I have trouble with that. I think we all do. Defining success. Because we’re so afraid. Of failure. Of that success. Because if we can accomplish one thing, people are going to expect us to accomplish more. And if we don’t, well, then we’re useless failures. Right? No!

I set my resolution/goals at five aims. Write more erotica, experience new things, cherish what I have, take care of myself and grow stronger friendships. But where is it I want to be at the end of the year? I want to be successful, independant and fulfilled.

Okay, good start. But what does that really mean to me? What does that look like?

I’m a writer. I’ve wanted to be an author since freshman year of college. I have had short stories published here and there. I’ve been blogging here for a few years now. I put together some erotica collections last year. But what I really want, is to have a book out there, that people want to read so much, they’re not just willing, but happy to buy it. That, to me, is success.

I work non-commission retail, and have done for ten years now. These last three years have been averaging twenty hours or less a week, with no benefits. I am almost completely dependant on hubby for financial survival (for richer, for poorer, eh?), and health benefits. I have had other part-time jobs, and enjoyed them. I have looked for other employment, usually very specific ideas in my head, mostly unrealistic. This year, I am broadening my search, casting a wider net to find anything that would give me a decent salary, benefits and stability. I am not giving up the idea that it will be a job I like, there’s no point in getting new job that will crush me more than my current one, but I’m open to wider possibilities. Independance to me, is not basing my decisions on someone else’s income.

One left, fulfillment. This one is a bit more nebulous. It’s about not just settling for what I have, but being happy with it. It’s about searching out those things that I want and making them a healthy part of my life. It’s about having everything I need. It’s about continueing to grow. Fulfillment is living the life I want to have.

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