Grad School Exhaustion

October 2nd, 2014

Just over a year left in my grad school career. Sorry about missing last week… again. Everything is just so crazy that I can hardly brain outside of homework. But I’m trying. A busy month coming up, as well. Play party next weekend, planning to play with someone for the first time (first time with him, obviously). Our fet night the week after that. Then TRAUMA!!! Three nights in a row, gods help us. Which is also the final weekend of one of my classes. So, Hopefully, I’ll have good post fodder this month, and then less homework after.

Life is change, and we’re all learning to adjust and readjust as time goes by. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s hard, sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it at the time. I’m pushing out of my comfort zone here and there. Going after things that I want. So far, so good. I need to do it more. Have more conversations, ask more questions, seek that which I desire. One step at a time, I tell myself, but perhaps I’m still being just a little bit Too Cautious. It is my nature.

Looking forward to December and my winter break. I’ve got lots of relaxing to do. 😉 And maybe some personal projects will get some attention. But I think relaxing comes first.

 

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Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

March 29th, 2014

Seems like reality is always a step behind intention. I set my mind to something, and then I fuck it up once more, just for good measure, before I can really move forward again. It solidifies things, though, makes the problem clearer, and forces me to find real solutions instead of just words. To make plans, create lists, and really see the full scope of the issue and what needs doing. So there is that, at least.

The weather needs to stop following suit, though. Ready for spring, and it’s supposed to snow again today. Not looking forward to driving in the mess.

I don’t have much to say this week. That’s why I’m so late. It’s my spring break, and I’ve kinda just been laying low. Relaxing and not thinking about much of anything. I’ll try to post an erotica soon, it’s been too long since I’ve written a story. Didn’t even manage to submit to the anthologies I planned to these last couple months. So much work with school has diverted my creative juices. Only so many spoons available. Time to find some more.

 

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What’s on Your Mind?

January 13th, 2011

Ten pm on Thursday night. I’m going to a con this weekend, to relax, teach and drink with a good number of my chosen family. It is not a kinky convention, but there will be kinky classes. We are teaching electric(violet wands), flogging and rope this weekend. Short and fun classes, designed to introduce the topics and entertain the audience before we invite them to play with us. After play both nights, there will be drinking for those of us who choose to, and the pointing and laughing by the ones that don’t. A chance to let go and not be responsible for a little while. While we generally work with a drinking audience, it is rare that we get the opportunity to put the toys down and drink ourselves. This is one of those weekends. My post today isn’t going to go very deep, and will probably be very rambling, because I am tired from a day of running around and distracted by thoughts of the upcoming weekend.

So, what is on my mind? Poly, negotiations, lying, learning and secrets. An interesting list, let’s see where it takes me.

Poly. This weekend, during the convention, I will be spending time with both my husband and my boyfriend. My husband will be spending time with me and his two girlfriends. My boyfriend will be spending time with me and his wife. Floating around all of us are friends, play partners, flirts, exes and all the various other distractions, not to mention new people that may grab our attention. All of us with different attachments and dynamics, needs and wants. It is supposed to be a relaxing weekend, and I have all intentions of staying drama free, even if it requires copious amounts of jet fuel.

Negotiations. I made a post about negotiating a few weeks ago. It is something that has been an ongoing lesson for myself and others in my circle lately. Remembering the details, always. Keeping in mind that you can say no. Knowing when to back down, or wait it out, or when to push for what you want. It’s a careful balance to keep playing the game.

Lying and Learning. Interesting discussions lately around telling the truth and accepting consequences. I’ve said a few times lately that I only lie to my family these days. That may not be the entire truth. I probably still lie to myself as well. It is something to be aware of and try to recognize and correct within myself. I cannot be fully honest with others unless I am fully honest with myself. It goes hand in hand with remembering that things I want to talk about are important, too, because sometimes I tell myself that if must not really be important if I don’t remember to bring it up.

Secrets. The world is full of secrets. From national and international secrets, to diary combinations. It is important to remember that sometimes, keeping a secret can do more harm than good. If something is wrong and no one is talking about it, then the problem cannot be solved. Secrets can sometimes protect, but they can also sometimes cause harm, or allow harm to continue. Be careful what you keep locked away.

The weekend looks bright ahead of me, I’ll try to have a better post next week. Just some thoughts to consider for now, in between the meme posts. Coming soon: Bootblacking, Interrogation, Abuse and Family.

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