All the Ideas

June 13th, 2015

I keep having all these thoughts about what to blog about when I’m not sitting at the computer nor able to write them down. Then it is several days before I get to a place where I have the time to blog, and I’ve forgotten what I wanted to write about, or I’ve lost the spark of the idea.

Ideas I can remember having lately:

  • lupaste – the wolf in me honors the wolf in you

I am not an alpha, don’t want to be an alpha, or is that just fear? I like being the beta, not in charge, but able to help, and step up temporarily when needed. I am the support staff to his leadership. And I like it that way.

  • Animal attraction – monkey brain just doesn’t listen

Is there someone in your life, that while a relationship never worked, or would not work – but that it takes real conscious focus to avoid curling up naked with? Who, when left alone with, you forget the rest of the world, if you’re not careful? Where the physical attraction is blinding to consequences? An addiction that never goes away.

  • body hair – natural, trimmed, shaved, or waxed

Why is important? Why do people care what others do? Why do we put hot wax on our tender bits and then rip the hair out by the roots? Who decided that was the thing to do?

  • Poly – labels and primaries and secondaries and time and money and commitment

Change is a constant, we like to say. Relationships change over time, people change over time, priorities change over time. There is so much grief in trying to hold anything in a static state. With placing a label on something in the hopes that it won’t ever change. But we are always changing, always growing, and the labels don’t have to define you. You can define them.

  • Fear in new relationships –

So much fear involved when a new relationship starts – fear of replacement, fear of not being accepted, fear of being accepted and then rejected. Fear of unequal interest. But it is so worth stepping through the fear. Accepting your feelings and going forward anyway. Love is worth some pain, even if you’re not a masochist.

  • Spanking – it’s not about the pain

I’ve had this conversation several times in the last few months. Yes, I’m a masochist. Yes, I like intense sensation. Yes, I like hard and heavy spankings. But that’s not the only thing that turns me on about spanking. Spankings for me are a huge Mental turn on. The Idea turns me on. Thinking about being spanked, thinking about being naughty and therefore spanked. It’s the naughty schoolgirl fantasy that turns me on. It’s that fantasy that I masturbate to – I don’t spank myself, I just imagine about it. Sometimes part of the fantasy includes imagining telling someone about it, and that turns me on just as much. So, yes, if you smack my ass because I’m being naughty, it will turn me on no matter how hard or light you hit my ass.

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New Blogroll Link

June 9th, 2015

Discovered a new site this week: Kimchi Cuddles. Go, check it out!

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COPE is Coming!

August 28th, 2014

Two weeks and a day until COPE! Looking forward to a great weekend. There are lots of awesome presenters, and so many great people going to be there, and let’s not forget the vendors with their pretty new toys. 🙂 And inch-worm races!!! Haven’t planned any outside-the polycule-scenes, but there are plans to sit down and chat with a couple people about future scenes. Just playing it by ear what with all the busy. Planning on wearing the outfit I made for him earlier this year, that he was too busy to enjoy at the time, probably on Saturday. Friday night… well, the theme is office fetish… Not sure What I’m going to do with that one… ah the fun of being a girl.

Not much else going on right now in my world. Hearing great news from around the globe, though. As good friends sort things out and new members are added to other polycules. I’m just getting through the first couple weeks of the new semester and snuggling with pets. And fighting a cold that had better be gone within a week.

So This Girl is pretty awesome.

And this video surprised me, not because I was surprised by mine, but because People do really strange things for “beauty”

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Buddhism and Poly

August 17th, 2014

That was the class I attended this week. I’ve heard these things before. I’ve been told most of them repeatedly. But this week, for whatever reason. I heard some of the words in a new way. Not just listened and nodded, really heard them.

It started with “What about me?” A way that insecurity and jealous often comes up for me. And one of the presenters was saying it. It was good to hear it said out loud, by someone else. To hear that I am not alone in feeling that way. He poked me and I nodded and smirked. Yes, I’m listening. And it felt good to hear.

And they answered that question a couple different ways, but the one that stuck with me was “It’s not about me.” What someone else is doing is not about me. When a sig other falls for someone else, it isn’t about me. When he plays with someone else, it isn’t about me. We are very self-centered, as humans. We see things from our own perspective, and sometimes, it’s really hard not to make everything about yourself. But, most of the time, it isn’t about me. Even when he’s interacting with me, it isn’t always about me. It could be about the hard day he has had, or the stress he is feeling, or allergies, or needing to sleep or eat. When a manager is snippy, it usually isn’t about me either, it’s about how they are feeling, or what they’re being told, or the stress they are experiencing.

I had a couple “what about me” moments later in the week, and I reminded myself, “it’s not about me.” And ya know what? It wasn’t. And I felt better just letting it go and enjoying myself.

The next thing I heard was about suffering. Suffering, they taught us, is not just about feeling bad, nor just about negative things. Suffering, in this case, is about being attached to things that are in the past, good or bad, instead of focusing on the now. And suffering is also writing stories about the future, instead of living in the now.

For me, this doesn’t mean forget the past or ignore the future. Rather, it reminds me that good or bad, the past is over, it’s not coming back, and I have to be present in the now. It reminds me that the future is uncertain and the only way to have a good one is to be present in the now. Do what is best right now, the future will come anyway.

So, my new goals are to stop living in fear of things that have gone wrong in the past. To stop living in fear of the unknown future. To enjoy my life right now. To share my life with those I love and tear down the walls I have built to hide behind. Here I come world. I am ready to live my life to the fullest.

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Your Own Little World

October 10th, 2013

I saw this meme on Facebook today. And, while it is all good advice, the fourth one hit home with me today, in several ways.

Make peace with your past
so it won’t screw up the present.

What others think of you
is none of your business.

Time heals almost everything,
give it time.

Don’t compare your life to others.
And don’t judge them. You have no idea
what their journey is all about.

Stop thinking too much
it’s alright not to know the answers. They will
come to you when you least expect it.

No one is in charge of your happiness,
except you.

Don’t compare your life to others. That hit the hardest. It is really easy to do. Society does it all the time. You have to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ (you know, I’ve never tried to write that one down, how do you pluralize Jones…), whoever they are. ‘You should be more like your brother, sister, cousin, friend, husband, wife, that guy over there.’ ‘Why isn’t my life more like hers?’ ‘Why don’t I have what she has?’ ‘Why does she have all the luck?’ You are you, you aren’t someone else, you can’t have someone else’s life. You have your own life, and it simply doesn’t compare.

And don’t judge them. The above also comes with a flip-side. ‘I’m glad I’m not them.’ ‘Why does she have to be like that?’ ‘How can he live like that?’ I find myself judging people, and I have to take a step back. I have to remind myself that I don’t know what they are going through. I don’t know what brought them to this point. I don’t know anything about them or their life.

You have no idea what their journey is all about. And they don’t know what your journey is either. They won’t understand you, in the same way you don’t understand them. There is no way you know what a stranger is going through, and friends don’t know everything in your life. Even lovers don’t live inside your head and your skin. In the general scheme of things, no one is with you 24 hours a day 7 days a week for your entire life. We all create our own realities, and it is impossible to know someone else’s reality.

Then I looked at the whole list from a poly perspective. And it all fit quite well into poly thinking, too.

Make peace with your past, so it won’t screw up your present. Nothing is more frustrating to a new partner, than continuous talk about an ex partner, except being compared to that ex partner. Make peace with your relationships when they end, so they don’t haunt your future relationship.

What others think of you is none of your business. This is a hard one, because we care about what our friends and family think. And when they are supportive, it is great. But when they disapprove, it can be devastating. If you are happy, and you are being who you are, it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks.

Time heals almost everything, give it time. This one is hard for people, especially after a break-up. Don’t push. Give yourself time to heal. Give everyone else time to heal. Then give it a little more time. So much extra damage can be done if you push while feelings and nerves are still raw.

Don’t compare yourself to others. And don’t judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Especially important in polycules. Don’t compare yourself or your relationship to another in the group. You are not them, your relationship is not theirs, your path was not theirs. You may think you know everything that is going on, but see above. Your reality is no one else’s.

Stop thinking too much, it’s alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it. Guilty. I think too much all the time. That’s why I took up meditation. To stop the wheels, and let the answers come in their own time. It is also why I don’t feel bad emailing an answer a day or two after a question was asked. It is okay to not know how you feel about something and ask for some time to think about it. Do remember to let them know when the answer comes.

No one is in charge of your happiness, except you. (I changed the line-breaks on this one above, the original meme had it broken up to say only ‘No one is in charge’ on the first line, which is not the point of the sentence.) If you are unhappy, it is your responsibility to act, to make a change, to talk to your partner. And I don’t mean tell your polycule and expect them to fix it. It is your happiness, not theirs. They could make changes that help you, if it is within their power and purview. But it is your responsibility, not theirs, to make choices about your happiness.

Food for though tonight, to go with the massive hibachi dinner I had with my polycule.

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Wordle

September 26th, 2013

tagwordle

I was introduced to a new website by one of my classes this week… Wordle.net so I made this pretty picture of my Tag Cloud for you. Yes, my brain is that stumped tonight.

I’m not sure why. I had a really great weekend with him and the engineer. We had an awesome night of metal bondage, poking and amazing flogging scenes(well, I don’t know if hers was amazing, but mine was). And then a different kind of party the next night, with brand new hot tub, which managed to hold 13 people at once, and then some very nice sleepy cuddle time. Not to mention the drive up and back with each other, and a nice dinner Monday night with the whole polycule together. I told my best friend all about it, and now I’m telling you, because it was all very lovely, but not the kind of lovely I want to share in minute intimate detail. Maybe there will be some of that coming up in October and November, we’ll see.

I heard a poly song on the radio today. If Loving You is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right – which has been sung by a great many people over the years, and is actually fairly good. Most songs are about cheating and trying to take the husband from the wife. This song makes no mention of leaving either relationship. It acknowledges that the other partner’s needs are just as great. It talks about disapproval from family and friends, but the singer stands up for their own right to love. It even mentions the troubles of time management. I am not convinced this message was what the writer was trying to convey, but as with most art, we take from it that which we want to.

On another random note, why does a pasta company care about sexuality? Seriously, Barilla, your pasta’s not even that good.

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Secondary Poly

September 5th, 2013

Still not feeling well, so this may or may not make any sense. Today’s topic: poly. More specifically: strange ramblings from the secondary point of view.

Part One. Someone started a thread over on FL with this quote: “Primary partners usually have an expectation of permanency that is a foundation of talking about the future. They also have an expectation that they are the only people who will have any input in those plans.”

Now, how you set up your poly relationships is completely up to the people within those relationships. Some people go for casual secondary, or unlabeled hierarchies. Often primary relationships do tend to be more permanent than secondary ones. However, one look at the divorce rate in this country will tell you, intentions aside, relationships of any type aren’t always permanent. And people’s expectations vary. Hopefully, however, you have communicated those expectations clearly with any and all of your partners.

Me? I am a secondary partner to him, but I have an expectation of permanency. That expectation includes talking about the future. Now, it does not include me being part of his marriage decisions (house, kids, etc), but it does include me in hearing about those discussions, sometimes contributing to those discussions, and certainly being supportive of those decisions. We also have discussions about the future where all parties have input into making the decisions. The future is something we all intend to be part of, why would I not matter in those plans?

Part Two. Someone started another thread with: “Do you listen to your partner complain about their primary’s jealous, how much do you listen?”

I have a problem with the basis of this question. Do you listen to your partner? Dear gods, I hope so. Regardless of the topic, listening is part of the all-important communication upon which good relationships are based. Please, tell me you listen to your partner, as much as they need you to listen.

Second part of the question, listening to them complain about another partner’s jealousy. One hopes, that this discussion is being had with the intent of finding resolutions and solutions. Hearing about the problems makes you aware that they exist and can enlist you in the problem solving process. Another partner’s jealousy matters, not that you have to fix it yourself, but finding solutions can be a group process, if needed. Thinking everything is fine can lead to more problems than knowing there is a problem, so long as the problem is being worked on.

Third part is the word “complaining.” Let’s say the asker of the initial question meant something else. Let’s say they meant, how much do you let your partner dump on you about the other person. This is a different problem entirely. Getting only negative views about a metamore can be extremely damaging to your relationship with them. It can also damage the relationship with your partner, if all they do is complain to you about the other. It could leave you wondering if they do the same about you with that other person. There is nothing wrong with letting off steam, and being supportive of your partner, but try not to let yourself become a dumping ground of their negativity.

Part Three. When the structure doesn’t match the feeling. “Sometimes, someone is offering a specific relationship structure because it is in tune with how they feel about you. Sometimes, it is all they can offer, no matter how they feel about you.”

This was actually a discussion that I liked the basis of. Poly, aside from communication, is all about time and resource management. (Yeah, yeah, poly is about love, but I mean on the practical side.) It is true that love is not a limited resource, but many other things are. Days of the week, time at an event, space in a bed, money in the bank, energy in a person(we all do need sleep). So, it is important to remember that just because someone loves you, doesn’t mean they can give you everything you want, or even everything they want to give you. If you love and trust them, believe they are doing the best they are able, and giving you everything they can.

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Is This The Life I Expected?

September 27th, 2012

Friends of mine have been talking/puzzling about their lives not being what they expected them to be. For some, this is causing great distress. So, I decided to take a look at the question.

Growing up, what did I expect out of life?

When I was little, I wanted to be an astronaut, doesn’t everyone? The stars held me in thrall. Then I found out that astronauts didn’t get to visit the stars, and sometimes their ships blew up, and I thought maybe I’d stay on earth til they got those things worked out.

Then I wanted to be a teacher. Until I found out that kids are cruel, and rude, and unmanageable sometimes. I thought maybe that wasn’t the best place for me, and maybe I didn’t even want to have my own.

So I turned back to the stars. I wanted to study them, from here on earth. Look out into them, and find the mysteries of the universe. Find other life. Figure out how life formed here. I was again in their thrall. But then I went to college, and calculus and E&M defeated me. So I turned away again.

To writing. I loved to read, it kept me entertained as a child, and I loved to write, to express myself in words, because my voice was so soft, and no one could interrupt me when I was typing or writing by hand. I could speak for myself in text, say anything and everything through writing. And I love it.

I work in a bookstore, because I love books. I love sharing knowledge, and helping people find the same joy in it that I did. I don’t teach, but I help them get the information they want. I do not go to the stars myself, but can help other people get there.

But those are only jobs and vocations, those are what I do. What did I expect out of Life?

Growing up in the church, I expected to stay in the church. I expected to be a good little UM girl all my life. To get married to a nice UM boy, and worship every Sunday, and be a part of projects and work groups. And then I got older, and there were politics, and other view points, and intolerance, and hate. My faith became more personal, less contained in a building, less constrained by specific doctrine. I still consider myself a Christian, because I feel I live by Jesus’s overriding message of Love. His words of love still speak to me, and I do my best to follow his example. I didn’t marry a nice UM boy, or even a nice Christian boy. But I did get married to a very Loving man. And to me, that is what is important.

But where did all this poly stuff come from? Surely that wasn’t “in the plan.” No, growing up, I expected to have a husband, forsaking all other so long as we both shall live. It was even in our vows. Promised before family and god. But that doesn’t seem very loving to me. To Forsake others? I didn’t date anyone in High School, but my college relationships were rife with flavors of poly. Not my first, he was a good Christian boy. But most of the ones after that. I didn’t have the understanding, let alone the language for it at the time, though. My second, still in love with his HS sweetheart, cheated on me and left me for her. I often played with him after that, even with a third friend sometimes, and still love him, though not in a romantic way. My third, had a ‘zip code rule’ that I always rolled my eyes at, but he and I had off and on things, despite his other relationships. My fourth, well, he was an odd bird, and I was trying to get back with others during that time as well. Hubby came into play that year as well, as someone I loved, but couldn’t be with. Then my fifth and sixth, openly admitting to love for hubby while dating them. Playing with others while things with hubby went up and down and round about. But things were so messy, that when I got back with Hubby after college, I made the mono-demand.

Which lasted just over three years, until we both started falling for others. My experiment exploded, so I returned to a state of poly=pain, and agreed to swinging. That didn’t go very well, either, and then we found the community here, and I softened and fell, back into poly, where I truly belong. This time, with resources, and language, and experienced people, who taught me to communicate, and to thrive in this lifestyle. Oh, it still goes up and down and sideways, but I am far better equipped to deal with it now, and far more able to accept the bumps and bruises, and keep on swimming.

That was the important lesson to me. It isn’t about trying to keep my head above water, that’s just a lot of thrashing around to keep from drowning, but you never move forward doing that. I’ve learned to keep on swimming, forward, through the waves, and tides. The only way up is forward, and it attracts fewer sharks if you swim fluidly forward than if you thrash around hoping to be rescued.

So, was this what I expected out of my love life? No. But it is certainly what fits me. Love, and plenty of it. To keep me going along my way.

But life is not just job and relationships. What about this kink stuff that fills my waking hours? What about the natural world and the stars I loved so much?

I grew up loving the outdoors. Going camping, going hiking, stargazing. Sitting by campfires, singing songs and exploring the woods. It is still my refuge. When things get too much. When I need to unwind. When I just need to get away. I go to the woods. I walk through the forest, I lie in the grass, I sit by the brook. Nature is still in my veins, but people now fill my heart.

I didn’t have a lonely childhood, in my mind. I had friends, I enjoyed school. I went to parties. But I didn’t have a Lot of friends, I didn’t do the social butterfly thing. I had a couple best friends. That I would spend most of my time with. I never expected this to change, and it hasn’t. I have kept my best friends, from HS and College, but they are far away. I have made a few more since, but not many. And it is with these friends that I spend my time. It is kink and poly that brought me to these new friends. And geekdom. I still do the geek-thing, gaming every week, and a group that goes to geek conventions and throws parties monthly. But the latter are also a part of my poly and kinky circles, too.

I’ve always had a kinky bone in my body, though, I didn’t know it at first. Or at least not what to call it. I found it fairly fast, though, when I got old enough. Kink, I discovered, made sense to me, and was something I wanted in my life. It became part of my regular life with my second boyfriend, growing with my fifth, and really expanding when I met daddy online, and then in person, though I didn’t find community until nearly a year after hubby and I moved back here, only just over four years ago. I tried once, just before we go married, but a missed connection kept us at bay for four years, due to moving out of state after the wedding. Kink, though, once I understood what it was, has always been an expected part of my life. And I am grateful for the people who have guided me, advised me, played with me, and taught me. Navigating the kinky community, and one’s kinky self takes a lot of work and skills that are not necessarily the norm in regular society. And it has also given me an outlet for my early desires to teach and my later desires to write. These things are a part of me and kink keeps them in my life.

What about submission? How does that fit in with my life expectations?

Did I grow up thinking about how wonderful it would be to be controlled? How much I wanted a man to tell me what to do? How much I wanted to serve him? No. I grew up learning to be an independent, free-thinking, self-reliant woman. I went away to college, I went to Ireland alone, I went to Australia to meet daddy. I moved out of the house when I got back. I found a job, I supported myself. Sometimes I fell down, and needed some help, but I was mostly independent of my parents. I got married and moved away. No longer singularly independent, but still in control. In charge of my life, working now as a couple, to be successful. So, where did this submissive desire come from? How does it fit into my life expectations?

In my kink, it has always felt like the natural role for me. At first, it was a desire to be done to, as I think it usually is. I wanted to receive all these sensations, I desired to be spanked, to be pinched, to be bitten, to be held down, to be bound. So in control, so strong, so independent. I wanted it to be taken away. At first, I wanted to know that these things were okay. That I could still be strong and independent, and in control, even though I wanted and liked these things. I didn’t have control over what turned me on, but I wanted to know that I was still in control of myself and my world. My body, my RA, took some of that control away from me, so I gained a desire to control the pain I experienced. I wanted to have the pain that I wanted, not that my body just threw at me. These things came first.

Then I met strong, dominant men, and it wasn’t just about play anymore. It wasn’t just about top and bottom. It was about Dom and sub. It was about being able to give up control, giving them control, and the freedom I found in doing so. Not just in giving to them, but in receiving as well. The give and take, the cyclical relationship, that requires love and trust and work to maintain. It feels good to submit to those I have chosen to submit to because they chose to dominate me in return. One-sided relationships happen, but they are not fulfilling in the long run. The joy and fulfillment I found in submission, blossomed from curiosity to expectation and is a part of my life I do not ever want to be without.

Expectations change as life changes us. But once we find those things that make our lives wonderful and whole, it no longer matters what we once thought we would be or do. It is what we are now, what makes us happy and fills our lives that matters most. No use worrying about what we thought would be, stay in the present, work for what you want now. Not what you thought you should have. If I’d stuck with my original plan, I’d be pretty much out off luck now, NASA’s ended the shuttle program. Expectations are helpful, but don’t let them stay stagnant while life changes all around you.

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Wants, Needs, and Poly

July 21st, 2012

I am a woman of many desires. I have a lot of interests, a lot of curiosity, and never enough time and energy to do it all. I enjoy the outdoors: hiking, camping, stargazing, swimming, canoeing, kayaking. I enjoy computers: programming, web design, internet browsing, WoW. I enjoy writing: blogs, stories, journals, articles, novels. I enjoy reading: fantasy, erotica, motivational, entrepreneurship, health, fiction. I enjoy movies and television: crime, drama, scifi, fantasy, action, cartoons, some anime. I enjoy kink: bondage, corporal, electricity, fire, wax, suspension, body manipulation, power exchange, service, and more. I enjoy sex: intercourse, masturbation, oral, vibrators, dildos, hugging, kissing, licking, biting, massage. I enjoy learning about everything.

But there is only so much time in the days, days in the weeks, weeks in the year. So I don’t get to do everything I enjoy. I have to work, I have responsibilities, and I have to eat, and sleep and take care of myself. The same goes for my partners.

That’s what is great about Poly. I have many wants and needs, but I can’t do everything I enjoy myself, so I know that one person cannot fulfill all my wants and needs either. I live in a wonderful kink community, within my community, I have a poly family. Within this poly family there are many individuals, each of whom adds to my life in the way he or she is able. I do not expect any one of them to fulfill my every want or need. And if a member leaves my poly family, I don’t expect the others to fulfill the wants and needs that one was carrying. Sometimes someone can and does, but to expect them to take on more than they were already doing is unfair. Each person gives me what they are able, and in return, I give them what I am able.

And this changes sometimes. On both sides of the equation. People and relationships grow and change all the time. What one is able to give and receive can change, as well. Time, affection, attention. And as we can see from the divorce rate, even love changes. It is unrealistic to expect relationships to be constant, or even consistent. The only way to manage this is through communication. Keep talking. Keep being honest with yourself and your partners. If you notice a change that has not been communicated, ask. Maybe they didn’t realize it was happening. Find out if it was intentional, or caused by exterior forces. Do not assume the worst. Ask first.

Just because one person cannot fulfill all your wants and needs, doesn’t mean you can’t ask for what you want or need. It means accepting no as an answer. When you love someone, you want to give them everything. But that is not always possible. Being able to accept no, being able to be happy with the yes’s they can give, is very important to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you constantly focus on what you’re not getting, you will never be satisfied with what you have.

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Brain Swirly

July 12th, 2012

Brain’s a bit swirly today. After vacation and some really rough conversations, I’m all over the place. But the Elust digest is a little too far away to not post something this week.

Hubby outed us to his Mom. First with rope, then the whole thing. Kept dropping hints about his DJng events until she finally had to ask what events. She did not end up bringing it up the rest of the week, so maybe reading 50 Shades of Grey did her some good. Who knows. We did not tell them about Poly, though we were open with everyone else about our lifestyle. I only felt judged once, and I’ll own that feeling as my own story creation, no way to know what was really going on in his head.

I commented last night that my German teacher in high school ingrained in my head the difference between “can’t wait” and “can hardly wait” and to this day, I can’t help but correct myself if I use the wrong one. But there are two more meanings to take into consideration. Often people say “cant’ when they mean “won’t” or when they mean “don’t want to.” All four of these phrases have different meanings, and different resolutions. If you can’t wait, then you have to go now. If you won’t wait, then you will exercise your will and go. If you don’t want to wait, you might still do it anyway, and if you can hardly wait, you usually will. It also brings to mind the phrase “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.” If you keep saying you can’t do something, then you never will. Even if the truth is that you can hardly do it, or you don’t want to do it, or simply that you won’t do it. If you don’t believe in yourself, then you’ll never try. And what fun is that?

The other topic running around in my head is passivity. I am a mediator, a problem-solver. If someone comes to be with a complaint or a problem that they don’t want solved, they better be up front and clear with me that they aren’t asking for help. And they better be prepared for me to be annoyed that they don’t want to solve the problem. I’m not saying people can’t come to me with reactions, and feelings. I am sympathetic, I will listen, I will provide empathy and comfort. But I don’t like wallowing, and I won’t always agree with you. If you want my sympathy, I will give it, but I have to know that is what you’re after. If you come to me repeatedly for sympathy over the same problem, I will get annoyed at you, and ask you to stop dumping on me. I will insist you solve the problem. And no, I don’t consider wallowing in self-pity or anger because it’s your problem, not their problem, to be a solution. You have every right to be angry or sad or whatever, but I also have the right to encourage you to stop it, and find a way back to happy. I have a very positive world-view. I think happiness is a choice, and I really don’t understand people who think it isn’t. Yes, I sometimes wallow and get lost in the darkness, that’s why I surround myself with people who are good candles and mirrors. Because I need led out occasionally, too. I don’t like seeing my friends upset, and I will do everything in my power to help you, but I will find it hard to understand if you don’t want that help.

On a more positive note, I still need to get final confirmation and details worked out for featuring COPE in Modern Dungeon Quarterly. Issue Three will be out in just three weeks. I’m getting really excited for COPE. There are some vague, some solid and some ever-mutating plans in the works. And I still have no idea what I’m going to wear! It’s Steampunk themed, and I certainly don’t have anything to fit that. Though, with no club for the foreseeable future, my fun clothes won’t all feel so over-worn by September. On another clothes topic, how in the world am I going to go to Cedar Point in a skirt? Things to ponder.

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