January 4th, 2011
Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
So, I brushed over some stuff in yesterday’s post. But let’s try for more specific things today.
I don’t remember how old I was anymore, somewhere in early grade school, I think. But I occasionally would try to get my friends to play make believe that involved spankings. Enacting The Little Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe. Or playing school and getting in trouble. My friends were always more hesitant about such play.
In High School, things became more pronounced. Fantasies turned darker (the aforementioned monster under the bed). I read Wizard’s First Rule and was embarrassed that I was turned on by the Mord Sith.
There was some power exchange, too, but I didn’t know what it was at the time. He was an interesting guy. Testing me, poking me, challenging me. And I had a crush on him, so I let him. He taught me to be aware of his presence, even if I was walking the halls reading. Testing me by stepping suddenly in front of me, and expecting me to be aware enough to stop. He taught me to trust him, moving as if to strike, expecting me to hold completely still, trusting he would not ever connect. It’s hard to put into words, but I gave him a lot of control in my life, and as far as I can remember, he only abused it once. Fortunately, she forgave me and I never let him do that again.