Winter Blues, Spring Fever

April 10th, 2017

I have been terrible about posting these last few months, and I do apologize, my dear readers. The cold weather that came along with winter this year (and maybe even the lack of pretty snow to go with it), had me near hibernating most of the time. Wrapped up in blankets on my couch, not being very creative at all, for months.

Now, it is Spring. Easter is right around the corner. Today, I have my curtains and blinds open. My windows are letting in fresh air. I have tidied up my entire apartment. And birds are chirping happily just outside.

(And, also, the WoW servers are down. 😉  )

I’m not going to make any promises about posting, but I hope that I can make a turn for the better. I’ve bought plenty of fresh vegetables. I’ve gotten off prednisone. I’m working towards a better quality of life.

On the relationship side of things, the poly family is adjusting rather well to the ‘new’ addition. We’ve had a few schedule bumps along the way, but, with patience and talking, we have sorted them (and the reactions to them) out. My other guy is now occasionally referring to us as dating, so that’s a nice change. We have schedule bumps, too, and we’re heading for at least one or two more when he gets a new job. But we’ll work it out.

I really like that we are all able to talk about things openly and figure it out. Life isn’t perfect, and change is constant. But I wouldn’t miss a single bump, because of all the joy my relationships, friends, and families bring.

 

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Thanks Giving 2016

November 24th, 2016

I am thankful for my families. My parents for being supportive in all the ways they can. My brother for being the best brother he can, and a good father to my nephew and nieces. My boyfriend and his wife, for making me a part of their family. My crew family, for coming together, working together, and taking care of each other. My other crew family, for very much the same things, and for fighting together, for a better future.

I am thankful for my friends. Living all over the globe, we still are connected. We still share each other’s joys and sorrows. And when we meet up, there is no space between us. I am thankful for all the love, support, advice, stories, and pictures that we share.

I am thankful for my community. We are like a family. There are still squabbles, and not everyone gets along. But we have built an awesome community anyway. We are strong, we are varied, and we are full of acceptance for one another, and opportunities to share with each other.

I am thankful for my boyfriend. Who has seen me through thick and thin. Who has stuck by me even in the darkest of places. Who has brought a light, and a mirror, to help me see. Who brings me love and joy, and shares the load of sorrows and pain. Who knows just how to make me scream or cry or laugh or fly. Who always makes me feel heard, appreciated, and cared for. And who trusts me to give all these things to him.

I am thankful for my label-less partner. Who brings his own brand of care. Who shares his heart and his mind with me. Who helps me feel attractive, desirable, and unashamed. Who introduces me to new authors, new movies, and new shows with such unbounded enthusiasm, even when they are heartbreakingly unfinished. Who, though not certain about poly, is still eager to share some of his time and life with me.

I am thankful for the life that I lead, the opportunities I have been given, the love, support, and joy that surround me. I am thankful to live in this place, at this time, with so much ahead of us all. I am thankful to you, my dear readers, for making me part of your lives.

Thank you.

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Hate is the Mindkiller

November 11th, 2016

My Mom’s in town this weekend, going to sleep on my couch as I type this, so it’ll be short. We were at lunch, talking about the meeting she’s been attended week. The Rural Advocates of the United Methodist Church here in the Midwest. I asked her if they accomplished anything – mostly just finishing up the year’s paperwork and preparing for next year. So, nothing? She said they were mostly worried about the church splitting.

Splitting? Over the LGBT issue, she says. I posted about the General conference discussion of it a while back. She talked about how the two sides cannot “agree to disagree” on the issue. How her group did not have an issue with LGBT folks and were trying to work with them. How some parts of the church simply refuse. It’s going to come to a head, she says, in 2019, when the commission reports back.

I understand, I tell her, the desire to settle on “agreeing to disagree.” But, I say, Hate is just not okay. They don’t Hate them, she tries to tell me. Mom, I remember the “love the sinner, hate the sin” policy and I’m sorry, but “HATE” should not be anywhere in a church’s policies.

Hate is what is tearing this country apart. People fear religious zealots full of hate, but I tell you, it doesn’t take radicals or zealotry for hate to be in your religion or your church. It starts with all of us, standing up against hate, wherever we see it: in the street, on a bus, at a school. Even in church.

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The Gift of Fear is Action

November 10th, 2016

I still need to listen to the book again, but I want to talk about fear today. Fear is a useful feeling, it is a survival mechanism. It tells us when there is danger. It tells us to lift our head and look around, like a deer scenting a predator. It tells us when something is wrong. But what it doesn’t tell us, is to stand still.

There is a lot of fear in the country right now, in the world. One both sides of the fence. The right fearing the left. The left fearing the right. The election didn’t really change these fears, they were already present. It just shone a brighter light on it, and gave greater power to the side that myself, my friends, and my family fear the most.

We cannot, however, let that fear paralyze us. We cannot let that fear turn to hate and destruction. We need to work harder, we need to find better solutions, we need to support our friends and family.

I am a white, straight, middle-class, woman. I have fears, but they are nothing compared to the fears of my friends of color, my LGBT friends, my Muslim coworkers. These people are afraid for their lives, on top of all the other fears. Again, they had these fears before the election, but racism and homophobia have been given a louder voice, and stronger support now.

We must all work against this. We must all stand with our friends and family. We must not let fear and anger lead. We must not let it win. Fear is a motivator, but it is action that must prevail. Love one another, be good to one another, work together towards safety and security for all.

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Thoughts Do Roll About

October 16th, 2016

I did a decent job of writing more in September, until I got swept up into my moving frenzy. Not on here, but for myself, that is. And it was good. But then I stopped again, full of things to do, and not making time for myself, other than binging on Netflix murder mystery shows. (Mom brought me up on Murder She Wrote, and it’s just spiraled from there.)

I have a lot of Stuff just floating around in my head. Thoughts that are no good for me, that I really should get out of there, and let go of. Thoughts of being unimportant, not good enough, of being a “single secondary” for the rest of my life. Thoughts that have no place in reality, but are so powerfully depressing, that some days, I just can’t shake them. I’m 36 years old, there is plenty of life left in me, and I have wonderful friends and family that love me. I have him, and I am part of his family, and he loves me. I have a sexual partner who cares for me, and enjoys spending time with me. And I have a life full of work and play and joy.

I am grateful for the things I have, and I am working towards the things I want to have. Even if that path is sometimes confusing, or covered in fog (which is often self-created). I will find it, and I will walk it. With love and support from all my friends and family.

 

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State of Things

July 13th, 2016

Not much is going on in my kinky life these days. I go to the weekly class and practice, and the monthly class and party. But, other than my “duties” as part of crew, I don’t do a whole lot. He pokes me a bit here and there at these events, but we’re both too busy/otherly focused/exhausted/stressed to do much more than drive-bys.

I have my weekly poly-family night with him and his wife, and that’s nice – we have tasty dinners and veg in front of the TV and chat about work and life. I’m usually managing a once-a-month visit up north, to see the new guy, who I guess is not so new any more, to hang out, eat tasty food, and enjoy one another. Soon, he’ll be living down here, then we have a whole new scheduling game to play. It’s a pretty good life, I’ve got. Just not terribly exciting.

And that’s okay. I’m working two jobs, trying to balance work-life-sleep-money, and enjoying the love, friendship, and family I have. He asks me fairly often if I’m happy – yes, I’m happy. Do I want/wish for more in life/out of life? Sure, but who doesn’t? We’re a very motivated, ambitious, and curious people. We always want more – more money, more time, more excitement, more things, more experiences, more sex, more play, more, more, more. But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy with what I’ve got.

Right now, my focus of “more” is on getting a better job and a better apartment. A better job so I can afford the other “mores” I want, and have a better schedule to have time for the other “mores,” too. A better apartment so I can have people over without them dying of heat stroke, or being annoyed at the shouty neighbors, to facilitate other “mores” with friends and family.

The state of things bigger than my little world? Well, that’s a whole other ball of crazy wax.

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Poly and Pets

June 21st, 2016

Some people have one pet, some people have two pets, some people have many pets, and they love them all, but it’s more than that. I’ve seen some interesting examples of poly illustrated through the pets of various friends and acquaintances.

Monogamy: There is just one pet, and that’s all they ever want, and they are very happy with their one pet, until death do us part. Then, after a time, they might get another pet.

Harmonious Poly: There are multiple pets, and all the pets get along, there are occasional spats, but they all coexist peacefully most of the time.

Discordant Poly: There are multiple pets, and they do not get along, to the point that the pets are kept in separate areas of the house, or outside/inside divisions, or constantly supervised. The owner goes through a lot of work to give each of the pets attention and love, and whenever the pets get too close to one another there are fights.

And I see examples of attempts to add new relationships, too.

Some pet owners take current pet(s) to meet the new potential pet, to see if they get along, and after some time getting to know the new pet, and the new pet getting to know them and their current pets, when all is well, they bring the new pet home, with the intention of harmony.

Others suddenly bring a new pet home, expecting that it will just get along with all the others, or already planning to keep them separate. Sometimes this goes well, and they get to harmony fairly quickly. Other times there are constant fights, and the owner must decide if they are willing to work through it, with patience and training(communication) and/or separation of the pets, or if they have to let the new pet go/take them back.

We’ve all seen jealousy illustrated with multiple pets – petting one and another comes over, begging for attention. Some have seen pets acting out if left alone too long, or who get upset if you go away.

Obviously, people are a lot more complicated than animals, and relationships are more involved than pet ownership, but both take a lot of time, patience, and energy, and both can provide lot of love and joy.

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Orlando

June 14th, 2016

The Victims

A Voice for Acceptance for All

Love Can Conquer Hate

A Call to Action
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“Fortune” Cookie Wisdom

June 5th, 2016

My fortune cookie yesterday said: “You are open and honest in your philosophy of love” as I sat across from my mom and never told her that he is not just my friend, but my boyfriend of six and a half years, and only vague things about the new boy once in great awhile to assuage her fears that I am lonely. But that’s just a family thing.

In general, the “fortune” is true. All my friends know I’m in a relationship with a married man, those who am I around regularly know about the new guy, and his girlfriend, as well. They and all the other folk I have affection for, of course, all know about each other, and my not-yet-ex-hubby. I am grateful to be able to live the life I have openly and honestly with those that love and care about me.

My new coworkers haven’t asked yet, about my love-life, and I haven’t really decided how open I’m going to be with them. I’m just getting to know them as coworkers – have found a few fellow geeks/gamers, and they all seem pretty relaxed and cool. But it’s always a difficult thing in the workplace, to know how open you can be about non-normative behavior. Especially since I’m starting at the bottom and needing to work my way up, to at least a full-time position, as quickly as possible, for insurance and financial reasons. I’m just so happy and excited to finally be doing what I want to do and what I’ve worked so hard towards.

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LGBT and Religion

May 14th, 2016

More Than 100 Methodist Ministers Defy Church Rules, Come Out As LGBT

When I was in High School, I started attending our Annual Conference meetings. We had a liberal bishop at the time, who liked to let the youth speak. I remember several of my friends standing up to speak on LGBT issues at the time, as the policies were changing from outright ignorance, to the only slightly less ignorant “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” which we all thought was not nearly far enough. Some Elders quoted the Old Testament, while the Youth stuck to Jesus’ teachings: Love God and Love your Neighbor.

As Trans issues are currently sweeping the nation, and Gay Marriage is finally becoming legal nation-wide, though still hotly debated in many regions, I understand that churches follow their own rules and their own guidelines. But I really do feel that it is high-time we put aside the bullshit and remember that we’re supposed to Love one another. If you listen to your Bible, only God can judge people.

My mom is at the conference mentioned in the article. Her “last time” she tells me. So, I emailed her to ask if any progress was going to be made. She replied that only time would tell. Later, she sent me an update on the proceedings. The part having to do with this issue was highly convoluted to someone on the outside (me), but it seemed to be along the lines of: One committee at the last conference put forth a proposal that LGBT issues should be brought up in a different way than other issues – through smaller committees, and with more consideration. This was tabled at the time, and this week, it was voted down. I haven’t seen anything come up yet on the Actual issue being discussed, but perhaps that will come in the next update. Unfortunately, I’m not optimistic.

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