Lists, Clothes and Betterment

January 30th, 2014

Today when I logged in I had over 1600 comments in the spam folder. Wouldn’t it be nice if that many people had actually visited my blog in the past week? But no, I average around a 100 a week, 200 if I’ve been posted to e[lust] recently. Ah well, the spam machines are busy, and Akismet does its job.

So, in 2011, I did 30 Days of Kink in January. In 2012, I did 31 Days of Gratitude in January. Last year, I was just surviving. This year, I was slacking. 😉 So, I’m going to make up for it in February. I’m going to do 28 Days of Lists. I’ve only come up with 12 so far, so if you have ideas, drop me a note, a comment, a tweet, whatever. They tell me lists are a good form of blogging, so I hope you enjoy them.

Next weekend is Winter Wickedness. I am very excited. There are so many great presenters coming, and so many interesting classes available. Not to mention the parties and the fun. It’s going to be a great weekend. He actually made a clothing request this year – skater skirts. So we each got one and are creating an outfit around it. I’m not sure what I’m wearing the second night. More thrifting may be needed. I ordered a new dress off Amazon, but they say it won’t arrive til the end of February, so that’s not going to work. I’m sure I’ll come up with something fun and shiny.

Been reading Bootblacking 101 by Andrew McDiarmid. Finding I like his talking about the experience more than his initial instructions. It is old school leather, so very much the boy in the leather bar, but the mentality is still something I can relate to. “You are a Bootblack.”

I also decided to step out of my shell a bit and bought a ticket for a service intensive. Not that service is out of my shell, but going to a kink ‘event’ without a partner, and taking steps to spend a day with like-minded individuals bettering myself as a service submissive. I’ve never even gone to a submissive roundtable before. But I know I will be surrounded by friends from this community and friendly new people I have yet to meet. It isn’t until April, but I’m looking forward to it very much.

Speaking of bettering myself and lists, my best friend made a really good suggestion to me today, that she uses in her own life. When stressing out, write things down in a list. Things That are Stressing Me Out, for instance. Acknowledging things so they are less scary is what I use my journals for. Getting it out of my head so I can see it. But the next step she suggested is important, too: look at those things and see if you can do anything about any of them. Make the things you can do into a To Do list. Do those things, or if you are already doing those things, realize that you are doing all that you can (and stressing isn’t going to help). And if there are things that you can’t do anything about, stop fretting over them (again, stressing isn’t going to help). That’s the simplified version, but it is definitely something I need to do more often.

There was also an article about asking better questions which caught my eye this week. While I found some of her questions strange, the point of the article held true. “How was your day?” or “How are you?” rarely get informative answers. Asking more personal questions, that have direct relevance to their life, will facilitate better answers and more communication. Something to keep in mind as you go about your day.

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Day Ten – Hard Limits

January 10th, 2011

What are your hard limits?

My hard limits list post was made in November of 2009. I have shared it with friends and partners over the months. It has been used as a checklist by some and a guide for others. It has been held up as an example and read many times over.

I was considering this post over the last few days, wondering how things had changed, if they had, or if it was just, ever and always, partner specific. Looking over that list, there’s not a single thing on there that I would consider doing with someone I just met, someone I’d never played with, or someone I did not have some sort of established kink or romantic relationship with. That’s what limits are, after all. Things you will not do.

On the other hand, there are things on those lists that I do or consider doing, with my current partners. The middle list, things that are soft because one partner or another may do them, has expanded now and many of those things have become things I enjoy or am really turned on by, with the partner I have explored them with. There are things in the top, hard limits, section, that I have offered him, though we have not acted on many of those offers.

Limits lists are never done, never fully complete, and may depend on the partner in question. So what are my hard limits? Take a look.

My 30 Days of Kink

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20 Hard Limits

November 21st, 2009

I was asked recently what I would not offer freely. This got me to thinking about my limits. I had not explored them seriously in quite some time. Just random comments of, “no red,” or “you know that’s a hard limit” when things came up. Back when Husband and I first entered the community, I did a lot with lists. Filled out fetish lists, filled out like/dislike/limits lists. But it had been quite a while since I seriously visited the topic, and limits do change over time. My partners have challenged my limits, poking them gently here and there, never Leaping over the line, just prodding it until they made a hole to slip through. Or, in a couple cases, waiting until I changed my mind and Asked to try something.

So I now have three lists. Current Hard Limits, acknowledging that things do change. Previously Hard Limits that have been pushed to Soft Limits, acknowledging that these are still tricky ground, and often partner specific. And a very short Soft Limits list of two things I didn’t know enough to have put on my Hard Limits list in the first place.

 

Current Hard Limits

Children

Age Play/Infantilism

Animals(yes, this includes snakes)

Furry Play

Shit

Piss

Puke

Blood (except for sex during menstruation)

Needles/Staples

Hooks/Piercings

Cutting of the skin (does not include scraping/scratching or breaking from impact play)

Medical Play (specifically enemas, sounds, catheters)

Removal of my pubic hair

Branding

Bull whips (longer than 4 feet)

Significant Facial Impact (smacking, hitting, punching, etc)

Unsafe sex

Public sex (more than two other people present)

Willfully Breaking the Law (only exception is private play in a public area where there is reasonable safety of not being caught, (i.e. sex after dark in a car or park))

Humiliation Play

 

Previously Hard Limits that have been pushed to Soft Limits

Breath play

Ball gags

Grabbing by the throat

Gentle face slapping

Uncle

Single Tails(under 4 feet)

Dragon Tails

Sex while menstruating

Anal

 

Soft Limits

Essential Flavored Oils

Diet/Food Control

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