State of Things

July 13th, 2016

Not much is going on in my kinky life these days. I go to the weekly class and practice, and the monthly class and party. But, other than my “duties” as part of crew, I don’t do a whole lot. He pokes me a bit here and there at these events, but we’re both too busy/otherly focused/exhausted/stressed to do much more than drive-bys.

I have my weekly poly-family night with him and his wife, and that’s nice – we have tasty dinners and veg in front of the TV and chat about work and life. I’m usually managing a once-a-month visit up north, to see the new guy, who I guess is not so new any more, to hang out, eat tasty food, and enjoy one another. Soon, he’ll be living down here, then we have a whole new scheduling game to play. It’s a pretty good life, I’ve got. Just not terribly exciting.

And that’s okay. I’m working two jobs, trying to balance work-life-sleep-money, and enjoying the love, friendship, and family I have. He asks me fairly often if I’m happy – yes, I’m happy. Do I want/wish for more in life/out of life? Sure, but who doesn’t? We’re a very motivated, ambitious, and curious people. We always want more – more money, more time, more excitement, more things, more experiences, more sex, more play, more, more, more. But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy with what I’ve got.

Right now, my focus of “more” is on getting a better job and a better apartment. A better job so I can afford the other “mores” I want, and have a better schedule to have time for the other “mores,” too. A better apartment so I can have people over without them dying of heat stroke, or being annoyed at the shouty neighbors, to facilitate other “mores” with friends and family.

The state of things bigger than my little world? Well, that’s a whole other ball of crazy wax.

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Happy, Peaceful, Content

November 10th, 2011

This is a good week. With his help, I was able to follow him out of the swirling chaos and realize that’s just what it was. Chaos caused by going in circles and trying to throw everything together at once. Stepping back, realizing that just because there are new things, doesn’t mean they have to disrupt everything. We can still have everything we already had, we can even focus on making what we have better. Nothing is being lost, and there is a lot to gain.

So, when I sat down to blog today, I didn’t know what to write about. He asked what’s on my mind. I said peace, contentment. So, write about that. It is really true. After the last few weeks, just sitting here, happy and content feels wonderful. We’ve had a good week, starting with good discussions, a fun contract night, more open discussions, an amusing knife-play class, and I got to be a demo bottom for a very long flogging lesson, spiced up with a dragon tail and a couple big plastic clamps. I didn’t last very long in those – damn mother nature and over-sensitive nipples – but I did communicate clearly when I needed to stop. It frustrates me when I can’t breathe through pain, but I have even less luck with it while standing. The flogging, however, was very nice. Her first time, and not bad at all. On the third song of sticking with the rhythm and very few poor shots, I got a bit spacey. Fortunately, the tells are second-nature reactions to bad shots, so I don’t have to concentrate all that hard to give them. And then cuddles and home for dinner, explosions and a warm bed I didn’t have to get out of until after the sun was well up.

It just feels so good to have the calm, quiet contentment return. There are still fears, everyone has fears, but we can talk about them, all, together. We can lean on each other, we can accept that fears don’t make truth, and that going forward is the only way to find out, to live life, and to have everything we ever dreamed of. This is an awesome adventure we’ve embarked on, and I am eager to see where it leads next. And if I trip and fall, well, what’s a skinned knee to a masochist? I’ve got plenty of loving hands to help me back up.

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