Discovery

December 28th, 2014

I’m 34 years old and I’ve just realized something new about myself. And I’ve always had a particularly odd kidnap fantasy. But I never really thought about it. A guy once told me it wasn’t sexual enough, or some such thing. And I shrugged, to each his own, but I still didn’t think about it. Yeah, I like the kidnap thing, the capture and bound thing. The stockholm syndrome thing. The rapey bits, too.

But there is something else about it, that I think is odd. Perhaps it isn’t, I don’t know, I don’t really talk to other girls about their fantasies. But I was running it in my head again this weekend. And a lightbulb went off, as my brain went back to my post about Titanic. I said it was the drawing scene that got me, but I didn’t really explain. At the time, I just thought, ya know, it’s really sexy to pose naked for an artist to draw, especially if you’re attracted to that artist. It’s a small scale power exchange.

But this weekend, I began to think on it more. My kidnap fantasies always include being forced to pose for a camera – pictures or video that the kidnappers are assumedly putting on the internet. Now, in the past, I have stopped working with a photographer whose aim was a pay to view site, not wanting to be a “porn star” and have rejected offers to be on clips for sale sites. But this fantasy, it’s about being forced, about the power being taken away from me.

I have always had the school girl fantasies, being told I’m a naughty girl and ought to be punished turns me on. So, I think this plays into that, too. Doing something naughty, dirty, and being forced to do it, under threat of violence. I long ago stopped trying to answer people asking, why do you like that, if they cannot understand. The simple answer is, because it turns me on.

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Titantic

December 14th, 2014

I got a book called 642 Things to Write About at our holiday meeting. I flipped through it today, and wrote a few things. One of the things I didn’t write was “Your Guilty Pleasure.” Mostly because I laughed and pondered… which one?

A little while later, I found myself watching Titanic on Netflix. I was the right age, and the right emotional state when that came out in theaters, like many women my age. We were girls at the time, teenagers, looking for that guy who would sweep us off our feet, rescue us from the lives we felt trapped in. We all fell in love with Jack, with Leo. And we went to see it in droves, over and over, and over again.

I haven’t watched the movie since that year. Half my lifetime ago. But tonight, it just fit. It took me a while to figure out why. I’m not trapped in a restricted life. I’m not being forced to marry a controlling asshole, or play the ‘good girl’ except at holidays and birthdays. I don’t need rescued, except maybe from my job. 😉

In some aspects, though, I’ve still got that romantic heart, waiting to be swept away, even if just for a few days of wild romance. It’s a fun fantasy. A day dream. Things in my life are really good right now. He and I are connecting more often in play. We can talk about things more easily. I’ve been asking for what I want, what I need, and even occasionally, what I desire. I’m even getting it more often, and not just from him.

I did write about my favorite quote – that one by Poe up in the top right corner of this blog. About taking that plunge more often, living an extra-ordinary life. Not letting fear rule me. It has been my goal this year. And, step by step, I’m doing better. Moving forward and finding my way.

Christmas is coming, and I promised my mom I’d buy interview clothes with the money she sent me. But I think I might also just find a long thin skirt with a slit up the side. Just for fun.

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I Made Stuff and Things

May 30th, 2013

No clear ideas, so, what’s been going on? Last night I made a 15ish foot piece of 8ish millimeter hemp rope, as well as four whip crackers – one thick yellow, and three thin pinks. It was craft night, and I actually participated and it was good fun. Others were making “pillow” floggers from thread and beating sticks from bundles of skewers, always a good time.

What else? Camping with the poly family and friends this past weekend. Getting accepted to grad school. Looking for a new place to live, and ways to cut expenses. Looking for a new job. And pondering the universe, as always. Topics that have recently crossed my mind: body image and clothing, collars and belonging, private time and scheduling, and erotica. I wrote the next month’s worth of Monday Morning Microgasms and scheduled them to post. I considered writing an erotica today, but my brain just isn’t in it. Summer is kicking in and it’s just so hot out and inside. I’ve got journals typed up and printed, and now I have a 3-hole punch so I can put them into binders and start going through things chronologically all together. I might still need to dig through email as well, but I’m closer anyway. COPE tickets are on sale this week, but I’ve officially decided to save that money for my trip to England next August.

Started watching some Star Trek TNG this evening when I found I could still access Netflix after all. Puts me in mind of embarrassing old fantasies. Fantasies of Riker, Wesley, Q… Not to mention playing off Q’s powers to send me back to live with the Newsies or the TMNT cast. Though, lately, I’ve found the Casey Jones character more interesting than the turtles themselves. I mean, he carries a cricket bat, FFS… Mmmmm cricket bats.

Anyway. Last week’s post should have been the 4th Anniversary post. This blog is now four years old, with over 320 posts, with 199 comments, and 421 pingbacks (thank you e[lust]). This site has had nearly 20,000 views, with the most views in one day being 120 on Monday April 16th, 2012. This was mostly people coming through the aforementioned e[lust] to read Special Request. A post which is the top viewed post on this site with nearly 1000 views all on its own. Followed closely by Tied up and Tossed in a Corner coming in just below 850 views. And my favorite stat to browse, the search terms that bring readers in. Topping the list, of course, is perverted imp, but following just behind are: “art or porn” and “clothespin zipper.” Oddly enough, this week, someone also came in with the search term “plastic shrews fiddle.” Why would you want one of plastic, I wonder?

So, happy anniversary dear readers, and many more to come.

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Pi Day Planning

March 14th, 2013

What to write tonight? It’s after 11 and I really have to go to bed, the next 36.5 hours are going to be rough. Work early in the morning, then rush around to get ready, pick up gear, set up for class and party, run electric scenes, clean up, go to work just a few hours after I get home, and then hopefully still be awake enough to drive home at 11am. The writing group is really not helpful for actual writing. Every week I’ve gone, I’ve taken something with me to write on, but nothing useful ever gets written. I wrote a few notes last week, an author’s name this week. One week, I wrote a tiny flash of a stun gun scene description, but it wasn’t much of anything. Damnable stun gun makes my brain go all wibbly. Did I mention he got one at WW? And there was much rejoi… whimpering. And cursing. And shaking and crying. Mmmm tasty.

Bootblack class last night. I really need to get some leather dust and acetone for my kit. I also really need to kidnap his boots so I can fix them up properly. I should probably work on my own boots soon, too. They’re all scuffed up and stuff. Oh, yeah, need the sole stuff, too. Make all the boots pretty again.

New projects in my head. Making the anthology into a real ebook, with proper editing, formatting and all that. I don’t do a whole lot of editing of my posts, especially scene descriptions, but I think I can really make some decent improvements if I just put my mind to it, with a little (lot, probably) help from my editorial friends. And format it a lot better instead of squishing it all together to make it fit in the least amount of pages, let alone taking them out of the chronological order of how they was posted. I only grouped them by topic, but I really think I could do it more cleanly with a little time and effort. Make it into an ebook people would actually want to share with friends.

Also thinking about putting together some of my more useful posts into an advice/poly/bdsm beginner ebook. Again, with the editing and adding to, and maybe even just taking the ideas, and fleshing them out into good chapters. That one is going to take a lot more work, and effort, but I think it could still be fun. Not a “here’s how you should do things” book, but more of a “what did I learn from the mistakes I’ve made” book. 😉 I sometimes feel like my blog posts aren’t… serious enough.. journalistic enough…? I’m not sure the right word. I just go off and ramble, and rarely stay strictly on topic enough that I would consider any of the quality that could be submitted to one of the many community-focused informational sites. So, I’d like to do a bit more focused writing for this project.

Third project in my head is a creating a fantasy novel with bsdm elements. But I feel like I need to read more of what is already out there, or at least become more aware of what is already out there, so I’m not just rewriting what everyone else has already written. I’ve only ever created one novel-length manuscript, and when I think of “romance” it always feels fake and false in my head. Not to mention, I have no idea what kind of plot I want to build it around. So that project is the furthest off in my head, but hanging around with the writing group has a least put it more solidly in my head as an idea.

Not to mention trying to get a real(full time) job, so I can finally achieve financial independence. And taking the time and space to be on my own and take care of me. It’s going to be an interesting year. I intend to make it an upward swing.

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Reality is Better than Fantasy

November 4th, 2012

This story starts with an elderly gentleman buying Fifty Shades Darker from me yesterday. He told me that he really liked the first book. I told him that others had said the books each are better than the previous. He gave me a disbelieving look/sound, and said that the last one is called Freed, how could that be better than the other two? I checked myself from going too deeply into it, and said, that while I had not read the books, “freed” didn’t necessarily mean the relationship ended. He nodded, but I don’t think he understood what I was trying to say. No, I don’t really want to know if the relationship ends in the third book, and they get “free” of each other. But I do think it’s important to understand that freedom inside your relationship and inside your kink, is a great reality, regardless of whatever fantasy you’ve built up in your head.

Onto another fantasy. Interrogation. I mention it here and there, I write fantasy ones. I get worried that I’ll never get an interrogation scene. I talk about why not. But this morning, it occurred to me that it’s a fantasy that doesn’t mesh with my reality. I don’t really want an interrogation scene. I mean, sure, it’s fun to fantasize about, and write about, but what is it really? A stranger trying to torture information out of me, without a care for me, my safety, my sanity or anything but getting that information. Again, a sexy fantasy, of complete loss of control.

But where’s the reality, what is it that I really want out of such a scene? What I really want and enjoy in extreme scenes, is the challenge, the push, the seeing how far I can go. I recently read a summary of a biography written by a woman with dwarfism. It was a teacher that first called her a dwarf and asked her what she could and couldn’t do. The summary says she has spent the rest of her life pushing herself to do more and more. I was diagnosed with RA in HS, but in college, when I saw the fencing club, I decided to do it. So what if I couldn’t straighten my right arm, or if my left knee didn’t bend or straighten fully? I would push myself to do what I wanted to do. My kink is similar, I love to push myself, to see how far I can go, what I can do, in spite of assumed physical or mental limits. Most importantly, I love doing so with him, because he loves me, cares about me, but is also willing to push me further than I think I can go. A lot further. And still knows how and when to stop. Not some random fantasy stranger who I don’t know and wouldn’t play with in any case. Reality is much better than fantasy.

There was a third part to this topic, but I’ve lost it in the football game. 😉

 

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Top Ten Lists

August 9th, 2012

I should be being responsible, cleaning up a the least, doing laundry, editing. So, of course, I’m blogging instead. But I can’t focus on serious stuff, not even erotica. I started poking around my site stats. And then I started making top ten lists, and they entertained me. So now I am going to share them with you, and maybe even make up a few top tens that are amusing to someone other than myself.

Top Ten Search Terms of All Time

  1.  perverted imp – 39 searches
  2. art or porn – 28 searches (plus 13 more for artorporn)
  3. complete shibari – 23 searches (plus 20 more for complete shibari stars)
  4. nipple clamps – 18 searches
  5. forced orgasms – 14 searches
  6. humiliation play – 11 searches
  7. clothespin zipper – 11 searches
  8. consensual feminization – 10 searches
  9. pain slut – 10 searches
  10. perverted orgasm – 10 searches

I get some pretty ridiculous search terms leading to my blog some days, but these all seem pretty reasonable. I do miss those clothespin zippers. 😉

Then I went looking at the tags I use, and being amused by the number of posts with love as a tag, that became my second list.

 Top Ten Tags of All Time

  1.  love – 69 posts
  2. pain – 56 posts
  3. communication – 44 posts
  4. rope -39 posts
  5. control – 39 posts
  6. gratitude – 36 posts
  7. bondage – 33 posts
  8. kneeling – 33 posts
  9. suspension – 30 posts
  10. sex – 27 posts

I think that’s a pretty fair assessment of this blog and my journey.

And of course, it being a blog, we have the posts. Most of the top ten are due to e[lust] digests, but that’s what networking is for.

 Top Ten Viewed Posts of All Time

  1. Special Request – 897 views
  2. Tied Up and Tossed in a Corner – 659 views
  3. What I Like and Why – 406 views
  4. Connection Intimacy & Trust – 396 views
  5. Negotiation Win – 372 views
  6. I’m a Bootlicker and That’s Okay – 218 views
  7. Day One – Define Your Kinky Self – 118 views
  8. Art or Porn? – 64 views
  9. Day Four Early Experiences – 53 views
  10. Day Five – First Experience – 53 views

And in honor of the class last night on negotiation, where we learned that hearing what we want read aloud makes it less scary to ask, because most of our desires are held by other people, too.

Perverted Imp’s Top Ten Masturbatory Fantasies (in current order of frequency)

  1.  Naughty school girl gets spanked and gives sexual favors in return (often starting with boyfriend, then being caught by teacher (and then principal) and the cycle repeated)
  2. Licking and kissing his boots, and his leather pants and his chest…
  3. Sorority girl serves at fraternity party, and is used as entertainment by the brothers, usually spankings and blow jobs
  4. Being entranced by a vampire at a night club/bar and taken to his country home and bitten and turned
  5. Kidnapped off the street into a van, bound, gagged, photographed and forced to perform sexual acts for the camera
  6. Caught coming out of the shower by a burglar, threatened with a knife and raped
  7. Being a Brooklyn newsie dating Spot Conlon, who gets into fights, he then drags her off to punish her, followed by make-up sex
  8. Pretending to be the queen in 300, offering herself up to be used to save her husband
  9. Being trained and sold as a sex slave to a wealthy noble
  10. Kidnapped in a foreign country/war zone and interrogated and tortured by masked men
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Special Request

March 8th, 2012

And a special, bonus post, by special request of him, just in case two posts isn’t enough to fulfill your craving this week.

 

The movie was over, they hadn’t really watched it, too distracted by each other, but they had to go now. They had to get back to her dorm for bed check before midnight. The all-girls, private prep school she attended had very strict rules about being out of bed past curfew. She was eighteen years old, but her parents were not quite ready to let her go to college out in the real world, yet. So they’d sent her here, where she’d met the man of her dreams, and broke every rule to see him.

Heading back to the school, they crossed through a wooded area before the wide open grounds. He grabbed her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her neck. She leaned back against him happily. They had a few minutes before they had to be back, she decided.

“You’re such a bad girl.” He breathed into her ear.

“Yes, sir.” She smiled at his mock stern tone.

“Wandering through the woods at this time of night. Good girls are all in bed. But you’re out with a man in the forest.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You know what we do with naughty girls, don’t you?”

“Yes, sir.” She shivered as his belt slid free.

He turned and put left foot up on a fallen tree and bent her over his knee. Pulling up her skirt, and down her panties, he exposed her bare ass. Stroking it with his folded belt, he put his hand on her back to hold her steady. Then brought the belt to bear.

She yelped, and he swung again. Her yelping soon turned to moans of pleasure as she writhed over his leg. He reddened her pale skin, with harder and harder strokes. Until she began to beg.

“Please, oh please, sir.”

“Please, what?”
“Please, I want you.”

“Oh?”

“Please, sir, please.”

He stopped and let her go, she dropped to her knees in front of him. Pulled his pants open the rest of the way and eagerly took him in her mouth. He gasped and entwined his fingers in her hair, guiding her eagerness. She moaned as he groaned, and when they were done, he pulled her to her feet, and held her tight.

After a moment to breathe, they were off again, racing towards the dorm, and up the fire escape to here room. Her roommate was in the infirmary for the night, so they had it all to themselves. She shooed him under the bed until bed check came through a few minutes later, and then pulled him back up. Collapsing on the bed, he pulled her close.

“Such a bad girl, pulling a man’s pants down out in the open like that.”

“Yes, sir.” She expected him to be sleepy, but he seemed far from it.

“And now, you’ve snuck him into your bedroom, into a girls only dorm.”

“Yes, sir.”

He sat up and pulled her over his lap, keeping her skirt down to muffle the noise, he took his hand to her this time. Spanking the already tender flesh. She buried her face in the blankets to cover her moans. She squirmed against his lap, but he held her tight, spanking her tender bottom until her moans got so loud, the blankets could not stop them.

“Please, sir, oh gods, please sir.”

“Yes?”

“Please, take me, sir.”

He gave her a few more swats that nearly made her scream before flipping her around and back onto the bed, shedding his clothes and then pulling her free of hers. He joined her back in bed and covered her mouth with his to keep her moans of pleasure from waking her dorm mates while he rode her to exhaustion.

 

The alarm went off early the next morning and she shooed him under the bed again for morning check. Then she got ready and went down to breakfast. He snuck out the window while everyone was eating and she spent the rest of the day in a happy haze. Until the end of her last class, when the teacher stopped her.

“Headmaster wants to see you. Come with me.”

He led her towards the dorm, however and up to her room, where she saw the headmaster waiting. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, and she dreaded what was to come. He must have been seen leaving.

“Come in. Tell me, is anything amiss?”

“No, headmaster.”

“Is anything missing? Anything at all?”
“No, headmaster.” She knew better than to lie. If she said yes, her boyfriend would be arrested for theft.

“Strange. A man was seen climbing out of this window this morning, during breakfast. We assumed he was a thief. Are you sure that nothing is missing?”
“Yes, headmaster.”

“Did you know the man who left here this morning?”
“Yes, headmaster.”
“I see. And did you know he was in your room?”
“Yes, headmaster.”

“Would you mind telling me what he was doing here?”
“Yes, headmaster.” She blushed furiously and glanced at the teacher in the doorway.

“Thank you, that will be all.” The headmaster dismissed the teacher and closed the door before turning back to her. “What was he doing here?”

She stared at his shoes, too embarrassed to answer.

“We could continue this conversation in my office, with a cane, if you would prefer?”

“No, headmaster. I.. I invited him up, headmaster. We had a date last night and I brought him back here.”

“I see. Tell me about it.”

“We… we went to the movies, and then we came back here to sleep.”

“Is that all? You saw a movie and you slept?”

“No, headmaster.”

“Tell me.”

“We… um… on the way back, he put me over his knee and spanked me with his belt and I went down on him. After bed check, he spanked me again, with his hand, and then we had sex before we went to sleep.”

“I see. You like that do you?”

“Yes, headmaster.” She was mortified, but lying would only make things worse.

“But you chose to continue the conversation here and not in my office with the cane?”

“Yes, sir. I don’t really like canes, sir.”

“I see. Well, let’s see how he did, then. Turn around and show me your bottom.”

What could she do, she turned around, bent over and lifted her skirt and pulled down her panties.

“It’s barely red at all. He must not have tried very hard.” The headmaster patted her bare ass. “I’ll have to see what I can do about that. Don’t you think?”

“Yes, headmaster.”

“By rights, you should be expelled and a letter sent home to your parents.”

“Yes, headmaster.”

“But that won’t do anyone any good, so how about this. You’ll march down to my office with me, and I’ll redden that ass of yours properly, you can even thank me for it, like you did him in the woods. And once I’m satisfied, we’ll forget this ever happened. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes, headmaster.”

“Go on then.” He pulled her up and opened the door, motioning her to go ahead of him.

She walked down the hallways, her face bright red and her eyes on the floor. Those she passed knew she had been caught out, but very few of them knew what for. When they got to his office she went inside. He followed and locked the door behind him. Walking to his desk, he pulled off his belt and put it on the left side, then pulled out a paddle and put it in the middle and then a cane on the right hand side.

“You’ve been a very naughty girl.” He told her and sat down, motioning her over. “Take off that skirt, it will only be in the way, and the panties.”

She did as he instructed and then he pulled her over his lap. He started with his bare hand, spanking her equally bare ass.

“This is for sneaking out last night.”

He started out soft and built up, harder and harder. Gauging her moans and squeals, occasionally checking to see how wet she was. She squirmed on his lap, embarrassed but increasingly aroused. He spanked her harder and harder until she was gasping and screaming for him.

“Please, headmaster, please!”

“Please, what?”

“Please, stop and let me thank you.” She begged, remembering his words.

He gave her a few more swats and then let her up. She dropped to her knees under his desk and fumbled his pants open. His erection was waiting. She took him eagerly, and he let her, fingers in her hair, but stopped her short of finishing him off and pulled her roughly back over his lap.

He picked up the belt next, but paused, giving them both a few moments to breathe.

“This is for having oral sex in the school forest.”

He swatted her ass with the belt, pulling a gasp, and then another. He beat her already red ass into a deeper shade of crimson. She moaned and writhed harder against him, but he held her tight. His strokes slower than the first spanking. Enjoying the fullness of her reaction. When he had her screaming again and begging, he let her up a second time. And she sunk to the floor, moaning against his cock as she sucked on him.

He only gave her a few minutes this time before pulling her back up and picking up the paddle.

“This is for sneaking a boy into the dorm.”

He struck hard and firm, leaving it against her ass as she cried out. He smiled down at her. Loving the sound of the paddle the most. He struck again, and again. She arched and cried and tried to get away. Her ass sore and bruised already. He counted down from ten, and she screamed with each one. Then he dragged her to her feet and bent her over the desk, picking up the cane.

“And this is for having sex in your dorm room.”

He took the cane to the back of her thighs and her highly abused ass. Counting down from twenty, he held her in place by her hair. Giving her time to process each strike. Screaming into the desk and stamping her feet. She cried as she dug her fingers into the wooden edge.

When he was done, he pulled her back down to the floor beneath his desk and she took him a third time, this time to completion. And then collapsed into a puddle on the floor. He redid his pants, put away his tools and let her come back to herself before sending her back to her room.

“Next time you want a spanking, just ask.” He said as he opened the door and sent her on her way.

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Poly Pie

October 29th, 2011

It has been a week. And once again, Thursday was too busy for me to get a post written. Two jobs is good for the checkbook, not so good for my writing pursuits. Life is full of changes. Growing, expanding, renegotiating, learning, adding, subtracting, multiplying. Relationships are the same.

He and toy are “officially dating” now. A new young woman has entered all our lives. Schedule changes are heading our way. So things are in a little bit of flux as we try to see where it is all lands. This has led to a lot of conversations. A lot of communication. And a lot of thinking and processing. Also, a lot of reacting, but hey, that’s where it all starts. Reactions let us know what’s important, and then we figure out what to do about it.

I seem to have, for the moment, gotten over my usual reaction of replacement fears to change, and have settled into a more tetchy fear of losing time and attention. More tetchy, because those things are limited. There is only so much time in a week, and so much attention to give. I started talking about it like a pie. Fearing my slice was going to get smaller, that someone else was going to get a slice, or a bigger slice, or already had, or whatever. The trouble is, that’s life, things are always changing and adjusting. I need to focus, not on, how do I get a bigger piece, or keep my exact piece, or any of that, but how to enjoy my slice to the fullest. To do that, I have to stop worrying about other people’s slices. I only have control over how I spend my own.

To that end, I tripped over an even older mental block. Asking for what I want. In order to facilitate him making decisions about those slices, he has to know what I want and need, so he can give me whatever he is able to. And in order for me to be happy, I have to take care of my own wants and needs. This means several things. First, I have to know what I want and need. Second, I have to tell him what I want and need. Third, I have to be patient about getting those met. I have several stumbling blocks in this series. Knowing what I need seems to have gotten easier, though I sometimes have trouble with the want/need line, falling on the side of, well, I don’t really Need that, I can Survive without it. I’m still working on that.

The blocks really come with telling him. A couple problems here. I grew up in a household where wants were generally not considered important. At birthdays or Christmas, you could ask for things, but other than that, only if offered. And at those times two times a year, we made wish lists and didn’t demand particular things. To say, you must get me this one thing or I will be miserable, was just not done. We made a list and we’d usually get a few things off that list, but not everything, and often things that weren’t on the list. You got what they wanted to give you. So, how does this translate now? Well, if I have everything I need, I feel selfish asking for things I want. At birthdays and Christmas, I tend to posts lists to my blog, but I don’t really ask for things directly. If I’m asked what I want (to do), I tend to come off shy or coy because I’m not used to being that direct.

The next block comes in with the third step. I’m a fairly patient person, but sometimes to a fault. I won’t ask for things if I feel like the answer will be not right now. For a couple reasons. One, it feels like a no to me, and I don’t like hearing no, so I just won’t ask. Two, because I figure I might as well wait until the answer is likely to be yes. But, as he reminds me, if he doesn’t know what I want, I am taking away his chance to decide if there’s time/opportunity for it, nor can he plan for it in the future if there isn’t time in that moment. So I have to ask, and then be patient about receiving.

To make the most of our slice of poly pie, we have to be fully informed of each other’s wants and needs. I have to grow and overcome some roadblocks, and let myself hear not now, without it meaning no. Sharing wants should be fun, describing things I like or want should be entertaining and arousing. Fantasies and daydreams come to life is what makes our lives amazing. Why would I deny either of us that?

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Day Fourteen – Real Life vs. Fantasy

January 14th, 2011

How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

I am again on the path of it being the same as the rest of life. Reality is a lot harder, grittier and more dangerous than any fantasy. It takes more work, is never perfect, and does not always go the way you planned. On the other hand, reality is more fulfilling, more satisfying, and well worth the effort it takes.

My 30 Days of Kink

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Day Six – Weirdest Fantasy

January 6th, 2011

Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

I had a lot of trouble with the words “weird” and “most interesting” while considering this question. Thought about a variety of angles and scenes and potential fantasies. Discarded some for not being all that weird after all. Discarded others for having been written about before. Wondered what would be “most” interesting of all the thoughts in my head. Then I remembered my Monday post. It seems these first few are building on each other.

My best friends and I used to look at each other randomly and pose the question “Jack or Spot?” In fact, a few weeks back, I got that in a text from one of them for no apparent reason. My answer was always Spot. Spot Conlon, head of the Brooklyn newsies, in Disney’s live action musical about the newsboys strike of 1899. Shorter than Jack, more wiry, but tougher and more feared than any other newsie in the city. And those eyes, clear and sharp.

So, my weirdest fantasy that still persists to this day? Being Spot Conlon’s girlfriend come submissive. I didn’t know the latter term when I was young, but all the fantasies hinted at that type of interaction. A look from him and I would immediately still, unable to move under his gaze. A pointed finger and I would stand where he directed. Any order, I would immediately follow. If I did something wrong, he’d put me over his knee right there on the docks in front of everyone. Spanking me by hand, with a belt or with his cane until I sobbed. As I grew up, the fantasies turned more sexual. He’d take me off the dock, to a private room in the back of a warehouse to put me over his knee, so he could toss me down and fuck me afterward. Even then, we tended to have an audience, a few newsies would follow to listen and make sure I was being punished.

Perhaps the weirdest part of the fantasy when I was younger, I’d incorporate Star Trek, the newsies either being a holodeck program, or a favor from Q, taking me back in time.

My 30 Days of Kink

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