Tops Don’t Have to Play with You

March 2nd, 2015

Another two events coming up this weekend, and I just want to say this. Everyone knows that bottoms aren’t required to play with any top that asks, so why is it that some people get offended if the Top says no. Tops are Not required to play with you. Ever. It doesn’t matter if they are identifying as a service top at an event. Or if they are running an event. No one is required to play with you. And I say this as part of a group that runs events where we have sign up lists. Even then, a particular person on our crew still has the right to say no.

Now, at normal parties, this is generally not an issue. Sure some folks (top or bottom) complain that no one wants to play with them. But I see it more around suspension than any other type of play. Single subs come to a rope event expecting that someone Has to tie them up. Someone Has to suspend them. Simply because that’s what they want.

Let’s be serious here for a minute. Suspension is Dangerous! Serious injury and death Can occur. Minor injuries occur often – from rope burns to nerve pinching to muscle strains. And not just for the bottom. Lifting someone, no matter what their body type puts a strain on the lifter. Suspension takes a lot of trust, from both sides of the equation.

Suspension tops are not carnival rides, waiting around for just anyone who wants to play. They have to know the person they are tying, they have to trust the person they are tying, and they have to be mentally and physically prepared for each and every suspension they perform.

If you show up at an event without a partner, or without pre-negotiating, it is no one’s responsibility to give you what you want. It is on you to talk to people, to negotiate, and to accept yes or no as equally valid answers.