February 7th, 2013
One of the first things they talked about was the different levels of humiliation play. You could play lightly with being shy, or a little harder into embarrassment, or harder still into shame, or further into degradation, or go all the way into objectification. Or you could run up and down the ladder in one scene. The first couple are about things you’re doing – shy about talking about sex, or embarrassed by being naked in public. In shame, you’re digging more into the person, the brain – feeling like a bad person for what you’re doing, or that you’re enjoying what you’re doing. Degradation is deeper tearing down of a person – being Told you’re a bad person, or a slut, or worthless. Then, you can get all the way to objectification – being treated like an object, with no rights, no voice, no humanity – you have become a piece of furniture, a thing to be used, or not worth using.
The next thing he talked about was how to create these scenes. How to find things you can humiliate a person about. Mostly here, he talked about conversations, and reading body language. If a person’s eyes dart away and back, or they blush or bite their lower lip. This could be something to play with. You can also tell what level of humiliation they are at by body language. When a person reaches shame, the eyes tend to stay down, and the body language turns away. Degradation and objectification lead to even more closed and small body language. He also talked about it being important, once you start down this road, to not let up or balk at the first sign of resistance. The bottom/sub generally wants a strong top/dom, not someone who is going to back down at the first argument or tear.
The third most important thing, in my opinion, that was discussed was reconciliation after the scene. You have to both recover from a humiliation scene, and it can be a lot more mentally taxing than other types of scenes. Some pretty horrible things can be said and felt. It is of utmost importance to remember that you love each other and that you played that way because you both enjoy it, and it gives you pleasure. You also have to figure out what kind of aftercare you require beyond these reminders. In the class, he said he has to leave her alone for 20-30 minutes because she reacts in anger, and has to come down from there on her own. For me, I need verbal reassurance and physical connection. Chocolate is never a bad idea either.
August 18th, 2011
It has been a week. No, I’m not going to talk about details, but if you want to see reactions, take a look at my writing on Fetlife. Suffice it to say, I have a lot on my mind. Several of those things are fit to print. So there will be at least two, if not three posts made today, should time and brain power allow. The first will be the easiest and most amusing.
At the end of last year, I posted about Negotiation. I detailed a negotiation that really started our relationship with toy, and a scene that came out of it. Many months have passed, much life has happened, but we have never lost sight of that scene. Focus, yes, a few times. But that’s to be expected. The original agreed upon date came and went, due to out of state commitments. And things just kept not lining up, not to mention toy never could pin him down or negotiate a new time and place, due to a lot of factors.
However, a few weeks ago, he asked if we were ready. To perform and serve him this month. We agreed that a given Saturday was good for us all, and started practicing the song and dance again. Shortly thereafter, he poked toy about how much better this Friday would be than Saturday, given the venue and availability of our partner in crime and myself. So, it got changed to Friday. Tomorrow.
We’re ready. The night will be awesome, amazing and hilariously fun. I’m just a bit full of stage fright for the performance. I hope I keep breathing and don’t pass out. I think the dance will help with that part. Keep me moving and force me to breathe. And hey, he’ll be smiling, grinning and probably cackling with laughter. So will everyone else, I imagine. So it’ll be alright. Really, it will.
And of course, I’ll be making an after action post at some point, to share with you all, the highs and lows, the amusement, embarrassment, creativity, service, love, fun and torment of the evening. I can’t promise it this weekend, but next week at least. It is going to be Epic.