Events and Me Time

August 25th, 2016

COPE is coming up, but I’m not going this year. Too much tied up in moving house. Just can’t swing it this time. Which is a sad, for not getting to see friends, not getting to play with him, not having hot stories to tell after, not getting to sample classes from new presenters, no pile of meat Saturday night. But, it isn’t the first time I haven’t gone, and probably won’t be the last.

I’ve let myself get too wrapped up in everything. And pulled all the stress onto my shoulders and into my body. I have to focus on me for a little while. On getting ready to start a new chapter, on moving house, and rediscovering or recovering my passions. This is one of those passions I’ve let slide far too much. Social media is not really my bailiwick, I don’t know how to use Twitter to get followers, or interact with them, it just seems like there is too much noise, too much static there. I don’t know how to cut through it and connect, and let’s be honest, I don’t feel motivated to try. But writing, is. Writing about my journey, about my fun and my grief. Writing about my triumphs and my falls. Writing good stories, and meaningful (to me, at least) posts.

So, I’ve set some goals to recover my passions, and one of those is to write more every day, including at least one short story a week. I’m not going to promise they will all be for this site, but there will be some.

I had a really nice weekend. We had a hugely busy FFF this month, much bigger than we’d expected given attendance of late. And that was great, the fire class went well, and everyone had a good time. Also, he brought me fresh made rolls, Mmmmmm Tasty.

We also put on a Saturday party, or FFS. At which, I got to encourage a good friend to try out our Electric station, and our Fire station, both of which she very much enjoyed, and this made my heart happy – she does so much for our community, it’s nice to give back.


Post COPE Post

September 19th, 2015

It was a different event this year. A different crowd, a different feel, a different energy. He had a lot of requests, I was just planning on one scene with him. I demo-bottomed for one part of one class, attended one demo, and sat with him for part of a third. I did my usual service thing, cleaned his boots before opening ceremonies, got him drinks and food, lugged the gear, claimed furniture, and knelt/sat attentively for his scenes. It was a quieter weekend for us. The scenes went really well, for all of us. Four flogging scenes in a row Friday night, mine being the finale, and one more on Saturday. All very good and energetic scenes.

I usually do scene write-ups after big events, but I haven’t really got it in me this time. It was a good scene, it was what I wanted and needed. Flogging, paddling, even a jolt of electricity. There were screams and groans and tears, by the end I was floating high. But I don’t have the words for it. It wasn’t a journey of distinctive parts. I could probably identify most of the tools he used – floggers, the new butt hammer, thumper and paddle, and the stun gun. I can’t, however, remember the order, or the flow. It isn’t a stream of consciousness like I usually get in my head. It is more like a nice, hot, comfortable whirlpool of love, emotion, and connection. Except for the cross we used… that was fucking awkward. 😉 But we made it work, together.

I had another scene-ish thing this week, too. At practice, which in the near future, will be more like old practice once again. He was teaching people six-count. One of them was doing really well, so he gave her my back, to test just how well. They took turns, her more than him, and her aim was pretty good. Trying different floggers for weight and feel. It was nice to be doing that again. He even had me turn around to show her breast flogging. Doing quite the number on my chest between them.

Then he pulled out the dragontail, and they traded that off for a while. I pointed out to her at one point that she was the only person other than him who I let him me with that thing. He was teaching her to watch body language, processing and reactions. I only let her do it because he was teaching. She, who had not wanted to “hurt me” with the floggers, really got into laying red lines and spots with the tail.

Then she got into another conversation, and he proceeded to go through the toy bag to hit me with other things. He grinned at me at one point, “Do you feel thanked enough for your service this weekend?” He had not left a lot of marks on my during our scene at COPE, but he sure made up for it that night. Even going so far as to lay Uncle grid marks on my thighs at the end. Gods, I love him so much. I even got in some snuggles after, while he surfed the net, and we waited for the night to wind down.


COPE 2015

September 11th, 2015

Check-in, in just 4 hours. Pondering doing a little shopping. As always, stories to come, after. 🙂



COPE is Coming

September 4th, 2015

COPE next week. And I haven’t a thing to wear. 😉

I haven’t even begun to think about what I’m taking with me to COPE this year. Friday is a comic theme, I think I’ll be skipping that again, as usual. Have not really made any plans, either. It has been a really busy summer, what with the extra big event in August, and finishing up classes. He and I will have a scene or two, but no plans to play out for me. We shall see, may just hang out with folks.

Changes coming soon to the community, new space some time this fall. Not sure when yet. But it should prove interesting for all. Looking forward to seeing what comes of it.

Pretty quiet beginning to September, all about to start getting busy again soon.


So Close, I Can Taste It

August 13th, 2015

Finished my last final of my last Grad School class the other day. All I have left is my two internships this fall. So excited! And then I’ll be done, I’ll have a Masters of Library and Information Science, and hopefully, I’ll have a new job. Super excited about all this.

Also hopeful that I can get back to posting regularly again. Look, it’s Thursday and I’m posting!

I’ve added a new plugin to the site, as the old GVoice stopped working. Now, at the bottom of posts, you will see a button that you can press to have the post read aloud by the computer. If you really want to. It’s kinda amusing for a little bit. Note: this is not my voice, it’s just a fun tool, so it’ll probably get some words wrong.

As usual, everything happens at once, and life is insanely full of All the Things. Rope Intensive next weekend, full of parties and rope and things. And just a few weeks later, we’re already at COPE again. I haven’t even had time to think about it, let alone plan anything. I should really look and see what the theme reveal was.



Things I Took Away from COPE:

September 18th, 2014

Friday Play Party:

Wooden paddles are awesome, and awful, and pretty, and evil, and OMFG they sting!

Giving him two targets, an alcove, and plenty of toys is a recipe for Amazing.

I need to quit comparing… no, really, knock it off. 😉

Friday Night:

A queen bed IS big enough for three, if you snuggle in tight. (I’ve fit three in a college-length twin, but apparently, I’m weird.)

Morning comes early without breakfast service.

Class 1:

“It depends…” and “Unless…” are fun ways to answer questsions, and much more informative than a simple maybe (if you follow them up with words instead of …).

Never assume you know the dynamic just by looking at the behaviors and postures.

Respect remains, long after the relationship ends, where friendship is maintained.

Class 3:

Partial suspension makes painful groundties even more painful.

Also, coconut rope sure looks evil.

Class 5:

Humiliation play is the temporary suspension of society’s rules by the topping party.

A person’s I AM pillars make for good humiliation fodder, just beware and build up their core pillars while you are at it.

I remember times he did this and how much more powerful it was.

Negotiation for Humiliation Play is different, you have to dig deeper. Into their pride, into their values.

“What is your relationship to Humiliation Play?” is easier to answer than “Do you like Humiliation Play?”

It is not weakness to need attention and affirmation after such play.

Saturday Evening:

Lack of cellphone usage requires more planning and better communication.

Dungeon energy is intoxicating, and rare meat and chocolate truffles make it even better.


Drop sucks (energy, motivation, appetite, rational thinking…).

Also, COPE was Awesome! 🙂


Can’t Sleep, COPE is Coming

September 11th, 2014

It is 2:30am.

Why can’t I sleep? Oh, yeah, it’s Wednesday night. Even when he’s on another continent my body thinks it shouldn’t need sleep tonight. Silly body, there’s COPE this weekend, must get rest first.


Haven’t been home much, so still haven’t decided on clothes, let alone packed yet. Wee! Have given a few more concrete suggestions of scenes. Mostly just want to see him. Been a quiet couple weeks.

Looking forward to classes and conversations, too. 🙂

Brain rolling around and around, writing this post after 2am, need to sleep. Won’t post til later today, just on my tablet now.




September 5th, 2014

Went to a class on introverts this week. And I’m definitely feeling it. Draining day at work with yet another manager’s last day. This one made me actually cry. Never cried over a coworker leaving before. Don’t want to go out tonight. I don’t have to, but it would be useful if I did. I could run an errand for him, and pick up meds for myself. Frustrated over the meds, too. They still don’t have one of them.

I’ve been on my own more than usual lately, except for work. I should go say hi to people. Went out for gaming and class this week, but didn’t stay after class was over, except to buy a deck of Kink Starter cards. (Thanks, Mom and Dad, shhhhh, don’t tell them.)  Pondering going to a birthday bowling party tomorrow, too. So much socialness this week. On my own. Tomorrow’s more important to me. Maybe skip tonight.

And the TV just advertised pretzel-crust pizza. Okay, I think we’ve officially jumped the shark on preztel dough. Stop now.

COPE next weekend!!! Most people set up scenes. I’ve set up a couple conversations about future scenes. If time works out, as is usual with anything set up for COPE. 😉

Still haven’t decided on clothes, but I’ve got a few more ideas now. Looking forward to the crazy fun. 🙂


COPE is Coming!

August 28th, 2014

Two weeks and a day until COPE! Looking forward to a great weekend. There are lots of awesome presenters, and so many great people going to be there, and let’s not forget the vendors with their pretty new toys. 🙂 And inch-worm races!!! Haven’t planned any outside-the polycule-scenes, but there are plans to sit down and chat with a couple people about future scenes. Just playing it by ear what with all the busy. Planning on wearing the outfit I made for him earlier this year, that he was too busy to enjoy at the time, probably on Saturday. Friday night… well, the theme is office fetish… Not sure What I’m going to do with that one… ah the fun of being a girl.

Not much else going on right now in my world. Hearing great news from around the globe, though. As good friends sort things out and new members are added to other polycules. I’m just getting through the first couple weeks of the new semester and snuggling with pets. And fighting a cold that had better be gone within a week.

So This Girl is pretty awesome.

And this video surprised me, not because I was surprised by mine, but because People do really strange things for “beauty”


Burn It Down (in my mind)

May 9th, 2013

Itchy, twitchy, brain all messy. Linkin Park on the mind. It’s hot and work has been rough this week. Lots of heavy lifting and rearranging of entire sections of the store. I can’t get my brain to settle down to write. I posted a couple poems other people wrote on my other blog. I watched Gone in 60 Seconds with my dinner and fell asleep during the final car chase. Woke myself back up to blog and my brain doesn’t want to cooperate.

So, what am I up to these days? Let’s start there. I have completed my application for grad school in Library and Information Sciences. Just waiting on the last transcript to be processed. I’m still trying to edit my erotica anthology, but my friends’ lives are all super busy, so editing is bogged down. I’m transcribing my journals and printing out blog posts, to work on a long nonfiction piece about poly, D/s and S&M. And I’m looking for a library job and a new apartment, with W/D hookups.

What else? I had a really nice flogging scene with him last night. The space rules kept it from being an all out cathartic screaming breakdown of a scene. But I stood up well, breathed through, found some good space. When I sat down to clean up, I had a nice cry, and a snuggle and grin from him. My back is all pretty and tender today. Had some trouble when he went after my breasts, I couldn’t keep my hands behind my back, they were so tender. I was either grabbing at his hands or trying to cover my mouth. He brought me to tears just pinching down solidly on a nipple for a half a minute or so.

Having personal space issues. Don’t want to be touched unless I want to be touched, if that makes sense. I don’t usually have personal space, but with some people I do. People I don’t like, people who creep me out, people I don’t know, or people I’m having a problem with. It’s my body, I don’t have to let you touch it just because you want to. Ask.

Still haven’t decided about COPE. It seems an odd thing to be considering without a partner going. Why not just save the money for something else? I probably will, but I do have friends going, and the classes are fun, usually. I don’t even know who’s going to be presenting this fall. Wonder if they’ll announce any before ticket sales. Probably some of the names, I imagine. In a weird place in life. So much changing.

Busy month ahead. Hanging with friends this weekend for geekery and birthday party. Next weekend is FFF with a class on Rape Play, then an Izzard themed party. The weekend after that is camping. I haven’t gone camping since high school. Need a sleeping bag, still. And lots of early morning working on the weekdays. Wohooooo…