September 30th, 2009
Resistance play. If you’d asked me about that a year ago, I would have blinked at you in confusion. Why would I, as a submissive, resist? It’s not what you’re “supposed to do.” Now, I regularly play with four people and I have completely different attitudes around resistance for each of them. Let me quickly define here that by resistance I don’t mean fighting instead of safe wording or saying no. I mean giving in to the fight or flight response that some of the play I’m involved in triggers, thus causing the other person to have to work harder to keep control.
One, if I resist, unless he is deeply into what is happening and very enrolled in it happening, will back off immediately, possibly concerned he has done something terribly wrong. I tend to be clear with him about what I want and make sure we don’t do things that would trigger resistance in me unless he is ready and able to deal with it.
Another, if I resist, gives me The Look, and I am immediately apologetic and expect punishment to be swift. He is able to shut down my resistance completely mentally. He occasionally uses this control to end my resistance to someone other than himself.
The third I resist very specifically, usually his teeth, or tickling, and he knows and expects it, and enjoys restraining me more forcefully for those things. He also enjoys putting me in completely vulnerable positions, making me physically unable to resist. This can take me through interesting head spaces as I try to resist anyway and then realize just how futile it is.
The last, I almost always resist, most of our play is resistance play, and we both enjoy it immensely. He can, however, still crook his finger, hold out a hand or give a command and pull completely submissive behavior from me when he wants to. We both enjoy the challenge of seeing how long it takes for him to win, for I am under no illusions that he will not eventually do so. I do like to think, however, that I’m getting better at it as we go along.
Resistance play can be incredibly fun, or incredibly detrimental, as with anything, everyone in the scene needs to be clear on what is going to happen.
September 2nd, 2009
Some days, I suffer to please him. Some days, his darkness needs fed. Even in that darkness, he needs reassurance. Needs to know that it isn’t driving me away. In that darkness, I know that he still loves me, that he is still in control, that ultimately, I am safe. We reassure each other. Exchange I love you’s between begging and denials. This only makes it hotter. Tied down, aching, hurting with every motion, wanting only release from my bonds, coming to tears, thrashing, begging, falling into stillness. Yet, still able to express love, and to acknowledge his.
I know that I can end the scene, I know that Red will be heard and honored, but I hang on, pushing myself as much as he pushes me. I beg him to stop, I beg for freedom, and his passion flares ever higher, fueled by my suffering. My mind begs me to call Red, I deny it as he denies me. It curses me and bargains, and I agree, nipple clamps would be too far tonight. He threatens them, but does not follow through, my fear is pleasing enough.
It is a very tricky line, I grow angry, my teeth so close to his arm, his shoulder. It becomes hard not to bite. Then the pain overwhelms me again, and I fall to stillness, anything to please him to satisfy him, so he will stop. He enjoys the stillness, but wants more, the threats come again and I grow desperate, begging, fucking harder, and the pain intensifies. The cycle continues until I can bear it no more.
I think he is done, he seems more satisfied than other points in the scene, and I cannot take more. Thank you, Sir, Please. He pauses, asks me to repeat. Thank you, Sir, Please. Gratitude our Yellow. I need a break, but I am not calling Red if he is not done. He releases me, slowly, as I whimper, soft kisses on abused joints, rubbing the rope marks.
Then we curl up together, tightly spooning, breathing, loving. We need to get out of bed, set an alarm, clean up, but not yet. We hold tight moments longer, both needing the tenderness of touch after the darkness of the scene. He asks me how it was, but I cannot answer yet, my emotions still riding the roller coaster, the earlier scene was awesome, I say, wanting to reassure him, ask me tomorrow about this one.
A difficult scene for me, but still full of our love, and that makes it wonderful.
August 19th, 2009
Stripped naked and laid out before him. Watching with bright eyes as he stalks his prey. He pounces, grinning, and I smile right back up at him. Knowing what is to come, wanting it, needing it. I wait, but not long, and I am beneath him. Thoughts flying away as his gaze rakes my body. Wrapping ourselves around each other for a kiss before he takes full control.
His weight presses down on me, pinning me to the bed, hips to hips, chest to chest, legs entwined around legs. His hands clamped around my wrists, sometimes holding my head still. Arms pressing my shoulders, holding me below him. I am trapped. Held, not still, but secure. There is no escape from him. From his weight, from his teeth, from his voice, from his cock. And I do not want to be free. I am his to enjoy, to control, to use, and to love.
He holds me tight as his teeth descend upon my nipple. Teasing with tongue or just pouncing with animalistic growl. I squeak and moan and gasp for breath. Delicious pain emanating from a single tiny point. I arch my back, wanting more, even as my nerves scream for me to fight and flee. Some days it leaves me gasping and happy, other days it leaves me yearning for more. Just a little more pain, that was not quite enough. And then he goes for the other one. Sweet torment, twisting the tender one as he bites the fresh eager flesh.
Hands clamp around my head, fingers curling in my hair, I feel his breath on my ear, a soft growl as shivers run down my spine and he snaps his teeth. I want it so badly, I tilt my head towards his mouth, and whimper as his teeth sink in. Gentle at first, I moan softly and squirm against him. Then it become harsher, teeth digging into tender flesh, and I yip and try to turn away. Pain overriding control, especially when he take a bigger bite. I want more, but I cannot hold still, it is so intense.
When he pulls his mouth away, I shiver, the intensity suddenly gone, there is a void that makes me gasp and shake. Just as hard to control as the pain. The yearning for more is almost as intense some days. I fight and twist my head and whimper, but when it stops, I want more. Every snap of his teeth, and growl of his breath and I tilt my ear towards his mouth. Silent begging for what I cannot always voice.
When he counts, while his teeth are deep in flesh, while pain is riding high. It flows free, filling my whole body, with a painful pleasure that only can be soothed by the number Three. Two feels like a string, pulled to breaking point, with a knife rubbing gently on the last few fibers. My mind screaming for the knife to stop, to wait, just a moment longer.
Then everything melts. His voice, with simple numbers, giving me a focus, a direction, a place to send all that built up energy and pleasure. And with Three, or a kiss, it rushes through me, taking all the pain and all the pleasure, every bit of tightly controlled energy and explodes leaving me breathless. Again and again. Until I do not think I have any energy left to spend. Then he counts one more time, and just the energy of his voice, of our connection, is more than enough to ride another wave of pleasure, just for him.
June 24th, 2009
The movie was putting her to sleep. She glanced at him, catching him mid-yawn. He grinned at her and she leaned over to kiss him. He slipped his hand into her hair, pulling her tightly against his mouth. She murmured softly into the kiss, one hand resting against his chest. The kiss broke and they looked at each other.
“In the back,” he ordered, his grip on her hair tightening.
“Yes, Sir,” she scrambled to obey, climbing between the bucket seats as he followed.
He forced her down to the floor of the empty van, and found her mouth again. He kissed her, catching her lip in his teeth, while his hand roamed over her body. He squeezed her breasts until she moaned and then found the nipples, pinching them with strong fingertips. She squirmed beneath him and he pinched harder, muffling her cries with kisses.
Pushing up, he began to undress her, pulling her shirt and bra off and then pouncing on her breasts again. This time with his mouth, sucking and biting while she struggled to stifle her moans, running her hands through his hair. His hands worked her pants while he tortured her nipples, unbuttoned and unzipped and then yanked them down.
Leaving her breasts, he stripped away the last of her clothing, leaving her throbbing and naked on the floor. He ran his hands over her legs, up her thighs and to her breasts. Growling, he squeezed harshly as his mouth descended on her pussy. She yelped in surprise and groaned as his tongue flitted out to taste her. She grabbed his hair again as he began sucking and licking her. His fingers pinched her nipples as his teeth nipped at her clit. She screamed with pleasure, forgetting the cars parked all around them as she came hard against his mouth.
He took it all in, pinching harder and sucking fiercely, pushing her higher and higher. Forcing her to keep going as she whimpered and thrashed beneath him. Her back arched and her breath came in gasps, and he pulled away.
“Good girl,” he said, undoing his pants, “very good girl.”
He slipped out of his jeans and boxers, his erection standing tall. Breathing raggedly, she smiled up at him, and he climbed back on top of her. He grabbed her legs, spreading and lifting them and she wrapped them around his waist. He leaned down to kiss her as he slid into her dripping pussy.
“Is this what you wanted?” he whispered.
“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” she gasped as he began to fuck her.