It’s Not the Uniform

December 28th, 2016

I don’t have a thing for military uniforms or police uniforms, but I do, occasionally find myself attracted to the men who wear them. Sometimes it has nothing to do with their profession, and sometimes it does. It isn’t the uniform, I rarely see them in said uniform. It has more to do with attitude, with the expression of their authority that comes across regardless of what they are wearing. I do have a thing for authority figures. That’s no secret.

Some of my more rare fantasies, that I haven’t indulged in awhile, and I’m not sure I’ve even ever posted about it, were a prisoner fantasies. Both as a military prisoner, or being arrested by a corrupt police officer. Gods, I haven’t even thought about those fantasies in ages. The military prisoner was sometimes an interrogation fantasy (caught spy). Sometimes they were more along the lines of naughty girl offering sexual favors to the authority figure to get out of trouble, like the teacher/school girl fantasies. Other times it was authority figure forcing himself on the hapless prisoner, as a slightly more power exchange-based rapey fantasy. Given all the trouble in the world, military and police, probably explains why I’ve strayed away from those these last few years.

It all comes to mind tonight because of my spiral of thoughts on the way home. The line of it was along being “inappropriately attracted” to a new(ish) cop friend of mine. I was going in a circle around that phrasing. Inappropriate because he has a girlfriend and kids (not sure who mother is), and is not poly. Arguing that being attracted to someone isn’t inappropriate unless you commit inappropriate actions based on that attraction. Then arguing that it isn’t the cop-thing that I’m attracted to, but his whole person – funny, caring, affectionate, geek, etc. When I see that he’s wearing his gun, for example, it kinda freaks me out, and the uniform isn’t especially interesting to me. But it is the air of authority he carries around that is part of the attraction.

Inappropriate or not, my attraction to him makes me feel all awkward around him when interacting out of character (tabletop gaming). He commented, when he saw the Christmas present I gave him, about deserving a hug for it. I really wanted to ask for the hug, but felt super awkward and didn’t, because I “wanted it too much.” (A feeling I think I have posted about before.) He likes giving hugs, too, it wouldn’t actually be weird for him, I’m pretty sure. But I’m over here being all awkward and shy because – attracted. Silly little imp.

Time for bed.

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All the Ideas

June 13th, 2015

I keep having all these thoughts about what to blog about when I’m not sitting at the computer nor able to write them down. Then it is several days before I get to a place where I have the time to blog, and I’ve forgotten what I wanted to write about, or I’ve lost the spark of the idea.

Ideas I can remember having lately:

  • lupaste – the wolf in me honors the wolf in you

I am not an alpha, don’t want to be an alpha, or is that just fear? I like being the beta, not in charge, but able to help, and step up temporarily when needed. I am the support staff to his leadership. And I like it that way.

  • Animal attraction – monkey brain just doesn’t listen

Is there someone in your life, that while a relationship never worked, or would not work – but that it takes real conscious focus to avoid curling up naked with? Who, when left alone with, you forget the rest of the world, if you’re not careful? Where the physical attraction is blinding to consequences? An addiction that never goes away.

  • body hair – natural, trimmed, shaved, or waxed

Why is important? Why do people care what others do? Why do we put hot wax on our tender bits and then rip the hair out by the roots? Who decided that was the thing to do?

  • Poly – labels and primaries and secondaries and time and money and commitment

Change is a constant, we like to say. Relationships change over time, people change over time, priorities change over time. There is so much grief in trying to hold anything in a static state. With placing a label on something in the hopes that it won’t ever change. But we are always changing, always growing, and the labels don’t have to define you. You can define them.

  • Fear in new relationships –

So much fear involved when a new relationship starts – fear of replacement, fear of not being accepted, fear of being accepted and then rejected. Fear of unequal interest. But it is so worth stepping through the fear. Accepting your feelings and going forward anyway. Love is worth some pain, even if you’re not a masochist.

  • Spanking – it’s not about the pain

I’ve had this conversation several times in the last few months. Yes, I’m a masochist. Yes, I like intense sensation. Yes, I like hard and heavy spankings. But that’s not the only thing that turns me on about spanking. Spankings for me are a huge Mental turn on. The Idea turns me on. Thinking about being spanked, thinking about being naughty and therefore spanked. It’s the naughty schoolgirl fantasy that turns me on. It’s that fantasy that I masturbate to – I don’t spank myself, I just imagine about it. Sometimes part of the fantasy includes imagining telling someone about it, and that turns me on just as much. So, yes, if you smack my ass because I’m being naughty, it will turn me on no matter how hard or light you hit my ass.

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