Group Service

April 19th, 2015

As a service sub, I have generally only served one person. I serve him in a variety of ways, at varying levels of protocol, depending on the situation and event. I have served him in combination with his other partners or alone, in his home, at kink events, and even at vanilla conventions.

Recently, he gave me the opportunity to serve a small group which included himself, at a vanilla, but kink accepting, gathering. The small group was all aware of our relationship and had observed my service to him at various levels. We discussed my wearing a uniform – which was up to me to decide on, clothing selection being limited, and having to be wearable outdoors at points. We discussed the protocol – I would kneel beside him unless performing a specific task. He asked if there was anything I needed, as I would be kneeling for quite some time, and I suggested a pillow might be useful. And we discussed my service – I would perform tasks requested by any person at the table – mostly fetching of drinks and food. There was also a challenge – one of those at the table was quite used to serving his partner himself, though not in as formal an arrangement as mine, and I was to do my best to not allow this.

When the gathering began, he informed the group of my service to them. I retrieved a pillow from the couch, and initial drink requests. During the event, I discovered that putting the pillow between my calves and thighs was a much better use of it than trying to kneel on it – much like a kneeling bench, and was able to keep feeling in my legs the entire night. The service went fairly well for him and the couple used to service – even the one used to serving was entertained by being served. The other couple, however, was much more self-sufficient and for the most part, did not ask me for things.

How did I feel about all of this? What did this experience mean to me? The group was playing a boardgame that I would have otherwise not participated in, and therefore it gave me an excuse to attend, and be near to him. It was a good way to have connection with him after missing a few of our usual nights together. I enjoyed serving the other couple, too, as a way to show my appreciation for what they have contributed to my life. They often invite me into their home.

He asked me if I was aroused by this service. I said no, but it is a bit more complicated than that. I am not usually aroused by service – I am fulfilled, I told him. Now, certain parts or types of service are arousing to me – bootblacking for him, kneeling for him. So, I was aroused by spending so much time kneeling by his side. But, serving the other couple and him, by bringing them drinks and food, or performing tasks for him, was not arousing, but fulfilling for me.

This was a new experience for me. We are not a high-protocol couple, and as such, have never attended high-protocol dinners or tea services. But it was interesting to me that I found fulfillment in serving others alongside himself. Not surprising, per se, I am service oriented in my everyday life, too, but not in such a direct way as this.

These thoughts led me to actually consider a recent call for bootblacks at an event. I enjoy service and bootblacking, could I enjoy it at a “public” event? Fear and inexperience spoke up and shouted me down, but there are other reasons that I did not respond to the call. Yes, I enjoyed serving the group, but he was a part of that group, and directed my service. Bootblacking is a joy for me, but mostly in my service to him. Blacking his boots is arousing to me, and I feel awkward about the thought of blacking boots other than his (or ones I’m practicing on, because yay for learning skills). I don’t play with strangers, and am uncomfortable making myself vulnerable to people I don’t know in this way. Or even people that I do know, but don’t have that kind of relationship with. Especially without him there.


50 Shades MST3K-style

February 15th, 2015

So, I went to see the premiere with 150+ members of the local community. And it was awesome. Not the movie, of course, but the experience. An entire theater of kinksters laughing, joking, and cat-calling our way through this terrible piece of writing turned B-movie.

And honestly, the movie wasn’t nearly as bad as I feared. I’ve never read the books, though I keep thinking about it. I have so much going on in my life, that I just don’t feel like taking that much time out to read them.

People were going on and on, all over social media about how terrible it is, and how abusive and rapey it is, and all of that. Given that it came out of Twilight fandom, I was not the least surprised by the obsessive stalkerness of Grey. But at least he was focused on having her consent to do things in the movie. That was nice. And while we made fun of his “flogging” and his “rope skills” and his choice of implements, the movie did a fair job of showing the ‘sensual side of kink.’  (Has ‘softer side of Sears’ in my head as I typed that.)

I do agree with one of the articles I skimmed today – presenting Grey’s kinkiness as him being “broken” and a result of his abusive early childhood does a great disservice to the idea that this lifestyle is healthy expression of our sexuality.

I was also a bit annoyed that a segment of the group I was sitting near seemed overly concerned with Ana’s body hair. So what if she doesn’t shave her pubic hair? Not everyone likes that look or feel.  I have waxed once or twice a year for the last couple years, but only for special events, and I’m not likely to do it again. Just seemed like an oddly judgmental thing for people to be focused on in an open-minded group focused on acceptance of all.

Ana’s character was hard to get a bead on. She wavered from clumsy, blushing virgin to strong, stand up for herself woman, to coy brat. Not that anyone is simple, but with all the other cliched one-dimensional characters in the movie, it was hard to figure out who she really was. I hear her inner monologue in the book was even worse, and am guessing that it was a very good thing it was left out of the movie. (Unlike Hunger Games, where it would have been very helpful for character development.)

So, not a terrible job, Hollywood. Given what you had to work with, you could have done so much worse.



February 5th, 2015

::Bounces around excitedly:: Less than 24 hours away!

As usual, the better posts will come after the weekend. Stay tuned for the Adventures of the Perverted Imp…


On Punishments and Atonement

July 12th, 2014

Are you wearing that as punishment, because I didn’t ask you to?

No, as an apology.


I was not wearing a skirt when he picked me up at the airport after my trip abroad. So, a few days later, at an event, I wore an extremely short skirt. I did not feel like I was being punished, I certainly wasn’t punishing myself, I was atoning for wearing jeans.

There is a time and place for punishment (usually properly discussed and agreed upon before the fact), but I much prefer atonement. I like to be active in making up for a mistake or lapse in mindfulness. Another time, he had me clean the mud out of the soles of his boots. This felt right to me, though I wish I’d had better tools to do it.

Punishment has a very negative connotation, a reinforcement of the bad feelings the mistake has caused. For someone who is very good at beating myself up, punishment makes it that much worse. Atonement has a much more positive connotation for me. I am doing something to bring happiness, to drive away the negative feelings and replace them with positive ones. And, being service oriented doesn’t hurt either, because doing for him makes me feel good to begin with.

At times, I’ve heard people say “don’t apologize, it doesn’t make it better.” And I think that’s where atonement comes in, too. Saying you’re sorry can only go so far, doing something to make it better, to make life better, can go so much farther.


For the Love of Service

April 10th, 2014

I just watched an episode of House, M.D. about a blogger. She blogs her entire life (except her BM, that is), and it got me wondering about my blogging. I blog once a week here and on my family-friendly blog (which is like my weekly call home, as generally it is only my family who comments on it, though a few friends do read it, too). I’ve been at this blog for nearly five years now, with 413 posts including this one (I’m sure the actual 5-year mark will be a fun celebration of links or something).

I didn’t post last week, and I really wasn’t sure what I was going to post about this week. I don’t share a lot of the Really Personal stuff here, and sometimes, I just feel like I don’t want to share anything. Other times, I wonder if I have shared too much. But I still come back here (nearly) every week. Because I want to share with you, my dear readers. I want to be the voice saying, you are not alone. There are others like you, who feel the way you do, who have the same problems and missteps. This is how I give back. I was welcomed by my kink community, and I want to help others find their own, even if it is just by letting them that such a thing exists.

I was trying to explain my desire to serve to a friend this week. I went searching the Service tag on this blog, but did not find a post that really explained my view clearly and succinctly, to share with him. There are lots of posts that mention it, or talk of a specific example. But, getting right down to the heart of it, did not seem to be there. So, I told him: helping people fills me up.

It really is as simple as that. I’ve lasted in the retail industry for eleven years, not because I love sales (hate it, hate it with a firey passion), but because I love helping people. And yet, he still had to point this out to me a few years ago, when I bristled at the idea of being a service sub, if only because I disliked the examples I had to that point. I’m still not sure that I would be a service sub for any future partner, but I know the caretaker in me comes out regardless of whatever dynamic we may or may not have.

I went to a really awesome service intensive this past weekend, but when I looked back over my notes, I wasn’t really sure what I’d post about it, other than a general list of classes and that they were great. I didn’t want to reiterate what the teachers had spent so much time creating, it felt like I’d be stealing their hard work if I posted about a class individually in depth. So, here’s an overview.

I learned about mindfulness and gracefulness in each act of service. I learned about pouring tea and catching drips. I learned about the difference in leather-care opinions between leatherworkers and bootblacks. I learned about folding napkins and towels into fun and amusing shapes. I was reminded that receiving service is not passive, and involves just as much vulnerability as giving service. And I learned about gentle massages and nerve stroking. But more than that, it was a very small group, which enabled me to meet and connect with some really great people from the local area, and from as far away as D.C. and Minnesota. We had a wonderful time and are already asking to do it again.

As per my last post, even after a class in mindfulness, I went to lunch Monday and forgot to change into a skirt for him. My mind was so full of other things that when he looked at me funny, I didn’t even realize it until he pointed it out. I spent last night digging mud out of his boot soles, after he went to the dog park, as penance. He thanked me today, and even so, my brain was full of wishing I’d done better. Don’t I always? But I did a better job at cleaning them than I’ve ever done before, so I’ll be happy with that. And I’ll ask the other bootblacks for tips on Saturday.

Well, considering I wasn’t sure if I was going to post Anything today, I’d say that’s a fair bit of rambling about service. Good night, dear readers, see you next week.


e[lust] #51

October 17th, 2013

potter Photo courtesy of Property of Potter

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #52? Start with the newly updated rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~


7 (Random!) Suggestions for Dominant Types!

Pain Positive

i know what you are.



~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Golden Girl

Have You Met Larry


~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!


To Punt or Not To Punt, That is the Question

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

SexyLittleIdeas – Why PUA Is Like Feminism
Understanding When His Glass is Full
To Minxy Malone, Thanks For Everything
Biting the Bun
The List (is a waste of time)
Confronting Your Sense of Entitlement
What Do You Prefer: Cut or Uncut?
My Secret Relationship with Max
Quaint Little Categories
Erectile dysfunction isn’t a big deal

Erotic Fiction

Property Procured
The Delight of Leather
Christmas Eve Surprise
Granny’s Door
Lolita Twenty-Thirteen, Part Nine
The Edge of the Park
The Blood Mage’s Sacrifice
The Spanking Paddle-Off
Used, Using, Endless

Erotic Non-Fiction

I Want You To
Love like a lotus
Bend to my will
How you helped me to stray
Little Lightening Bolts v. Rayne’s Clit
Master’s Fuck Toy
Tease For Two
Memories of Spunk
“It’s total perfection.”
Fucking a Girl with a Double Dildo

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Insatiable Whore
Thoughts: Submissive Journals
Bondage vs. restraint
Dominant and Submissive “Fix”
Baring It All
Blow Job Submission – A spicy twist
Quickstart Guide
Struggling with sub drop

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

American Tantra is Full of Shit
Really, Riddick? Really?


My nudity


CatalystCon Part 1: Dildos, dildos, dildos




Quickstart Guide

October 6th, 2013

There was discussion of a “Care and Keeping Guide” this week. In thinking about that kind of thing, I came up with this, a quick overview of me, for anyone who might ponder pursuing a relationship with me.

      1. I am a writer. I often write more clearly than I speak. I will write you emails to answer questions you asked yesterday when I was with you. Please at least acknowledge that you received the things I write to you.
        • I am a blogger. I blog about my kinky journey. This includes my relationships. Yes, you can read it. No, you don’t get to pre-approve posts. Yes, I will do my best to respect you, us, and our privacy.
        • I write erotica. Some of it is true. Yes, I will write stories for you, if you ask me to.
      2. I am very soft-spoken. Yes, you will have trouble hearing me. Yes, I mumble to myself. No, I won’t always want to repeat it to you. Yes, you can ask me to anyway. Please take no for an answer sometimes. If I say it was nothing, and you insist, please don’t expect it to make sense.
      3. I am very sarcastic. Let me repeat. I am Very Sarcastic. But I’m usually quiet about it. (See above.)
      4. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. My immune system is trying to kill me. No, it isn’t as bad as all that. Yes, I am mostly functional. No, I can’t do everything a regular, healthy person can do. (Yes, I will try anyway.) Some days are better than others. Yes, it is painful. No, not in a good way. Right now my left elbow and right wrist/hand are the inflamed joints. My ribs are also being stupid. That could change any day. Yes, I take meds. Yes, eating alkaline helps, too. No, I haven’t stuck with that anywhere near well enough. Yes, I’m trying harder to take care of myself these days.
      5. I am polyamorous. I have the capacity to be in love with more than one person at a time. No, I won’t change for you. No, I’m not a swinger – I don’t do casual sex, nor play with strangers. Yes, there will be a Lot of communication required.
      6. I am a masochist. I am aroused by intense sensations. Pain. Fear. Euphoria. Rope. Bondage. Flogging. Paddling. Caning. Spanking. Electricity. Slapping. Rough body play. Drumming. Fire. Sex. And many more…
      7. I am submissive. I am not your submissive until we have that agreement. I am aroused by power exchange. I enjoy providing service in many ways. No, I will not call you Sir or Master, unless I want to, just because you identify as a D-type.
      8. I am active in the local community. No, I won’t meet you for the first time in private or one-on-one. Yes, I respect your need for privacy, but I do not share it.
      9. I am human. I will make mistakes. I will get emotional. I will react, and over-react, to things. I will get jealous and have envy. But I will calm down again. I will work through it. I will talk to you about it. I will need your help and I will want things and be afraid to ask. Please be patient with me, and I will be patient in return.

e[lust] #50

September 15th, 2013

mia Photo courtesy of Down the Rabbit Hole

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #51? Start with the newly updated rules, come back October 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

When the sex isn’t great

The Least You Can Do

I don’t know how to dominate

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~


Why I Need Him There.

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

First lesbian love

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Non-Fiction

Dressing Up for Master
2 nights of great sex – Monday
Marking My Body
Let’s Get It On
Better Lucky Than Good
starry night
Master’s Filthy Whore
Eat Dust
We Made a Sex Tape
Incapable of Thinking
Spank Bank

Erotic Fiction

Hickory, dickory, dock…
Oatmeal and Almost Orgasms
Classroom Adventure
The Inspection
The Hood
Opportunity Knocks
Little Red
Remember Me
Scorched Flesh
Lolita Twenty-Thirteen, Part Eight
So Easily Bruised
Under the Desk

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

The Q&A’s of Stainless Steel Sex Toys
Triggers and PTSD
Palate Cleanser
Relationships: Is a sexless marriage normal?
Why Premature Ejaculation is Hot
Casual Encounters on trains and at stations
I wouldn’t really class a client as a lover


Introducing Me
Why Bad Sex Toy Reviews Are Important
You never know who you’re going to meet.


I want. . .
The Grand Old Duke of York …

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Penis Truths

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Strap-on Sex & Empowerment
Never Thought
Two Cocks, One Mouth, One Excited Jade
Aural Sex
Why I Stay Silent
Sub in Space
Hotter Sex Through Intellect
Nazisploitation and how it relates to BDSM
Service and Ritual
No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 18 – SSC
Kink of the week: Exhibitionism
Pegging: Fun for men, awesome for women



I am Grateful

September 12th, 2013

I’m not sure what to write today, a lot of my friends are attending cons this weekend, but I’m curling up with pets, CSI and homework instead, so why not just go with gratitude. It’s always good to remember that I have a lot to be grateful for. Here goes.


I am grateful for…

  • Central Air in the house I’m pet sitting at.
  • The puppy cuddles and kitty rubs from the pets I’m sitting.
  • Having a job that has given me nearly full time hours all year.
  • Parents who offered to pay for grad school.
  • My loving boyfriend.
  • Who cares enough to have hard conversations.
  • And who makes time for me whenever he can.
  • And the great Service dynamic between us.
  • Hugs, kisses, and cuddles.
  • My metamours(we learned a new word this week), for all that they add to my life.
  • Second chances.
  • Communication channels.
  • Simple text messages.
  • Best friends, to whom distance does not matter.
  • Artisans who make awesome toys and rope and clothes and metal gear.
  • Fetlife for letting us know we are not alone.
  • A husband who supports my choices, no matter what.
  • My imagination.
  • The ability to express myself through the written word.
  • e[lust] for bringing readers to me every month I remember to submit to them.
  • Good erotica.
  • Good writers. (and sometimes bad writers, who still have something important to say)
  • My Dai-dein (looked it up this time) and the awesome Australian authors he introduced me to.
  • Growing self-confidence.
  • The health that I have.
  • The local community full of awesome opportunities.
  • Friends and family who love and support me.
  • All the little things that make life brighter.
  • All the big things that work themselves out eventually.
  • Waking up every morning knowing that I am loved.

Service and Ritual

August 29th, 2013

I attended a class last night on service and ritual and, as good classes do, it got me thinking. I carelessly commented, after, that ‘we have no rituals.’ He quickly corrected me, handing me his bottle as he did, which I instantly balanced on my palm. I struggled to clarify my meaning, acknowledging that he was correct, but I was referring to ‘something we do every time I see him.’ We don’t really do protocol, mostly because I haven’t asked for any. There are things I always wear for him: my skirts/dresses and my rubberbands. But, we stay away from formality and protocol for the most part. The ritual of serving him a drink from the palm of my hand is the only thing I would call an exception.

The class focus, however, wasn’t necessarily about that, though. There was a bit about creating rituals, and there was a lot of the use of the word. Which is why it got stuck in my brain. But the parts that I took away from the class, were about service. A stage performer and instructor, the presenter talked a lot about mindfulness and awareness of your task. Being aware of your body, your eyes, your movements, your attitude, and your top. She talked about knowing your motivation, and goals, for every act of service.

I found these things speaking to me. I do serve him his drinks on an open palm, but unless it is hot, heavy, or very full, I usually pay little mind to the act. If I am not just serving it, but holding it between sips, I am find I am more attentive to the task, because it is not ‘here you go, and done.’ But that’s not an excuse, just an observation. It is a simple thing, but it is one that makes him happy. A little more attention and mindfulness could serve me well.

His boots. One of my favorite forms of service to him is taking care of his boots. I guess you could say that this is a ritual, though it has quite a bit of variance. Sometimes I share the task with another, sometimes they are on his feet, sometimes not, sometimes I have taken them to a meeting or to my own apartment. But, when he is wearing them, there is a bit of formality, in that I kneel or sit at his feet in a submissive posture while I complete the task. I am very mindful, in this situation, too. I want to not just clean his boots, but also make him feel good. The goals are two-fold when he wears them. When he is not, I lose the formality, but it is still an act of service where the goal is to please him, and take care of him. I feel like I do stay fairly mindful, whether he is present or not, this is one task that takes my full attention.

Other acts of service, things I do because he asks, or because they are needed. Domestic services, group organizational services, editing services. All these are places where I could bring more mindfulness of not just why I do them, but how I do them. The why is usually straightforward – because he asked, and because I want to please him, help him, and reduce his stress load. Keeping these things in mind could help when I’m feeling stressed out about doing something(usually the group organization). The how could be improved as well, by just being more aware of myself while I am completing the task.

All in all, a very interesting class, which has left me with many good things to think, and act on.