Discovery

December 28th, 2014

I’m 34 years old and I’ve just realized something new about myself. And I’ve always had a particularly odd kidnap fantasy. But I never really thought about it. A guy once told me it wasn’t sexual enough, or some such thing. And I shrugged, to each his own, but I still didn’t think about it. Yeah, I like the kidnap thing, the capture and bound thing. The stockholm syndrome thing. The rapey bits, too.

But there is something else about it, that I think is odd. Perhaps it isn’t, I don’t know, I don’t really talk to other girls about their fantasies. But I was running it in my head again this weekend. And a lightbulb went off, as my brain went back to my post about Titanic. I said it was the drawing scene that got me, but I didn’t really explain. At the time, I just thought, ya know, it’s really sexy to pose naked for an artist to draw, especially if you’re attracted to that artist. It’s a small scale power exchange.

But this weekend, I began to think on it more. My kidnap fantasies always include being forced to pose for a camera – pictures or video that the kidnappers are assumedly putting on the internet. Now, in the past, I have stopped working with a photographer whose aim was a pay to view site, not wanting to be a “porn star” and have rejected offers to be on clips for sale sites. But this fantasy, it’s about being forced, about the power being taken away from me.

I have always had the school girl fantasies, being told I’m a naughty girl and ought to be punished turns me on. So, I think this plays into that, too. Doing something naughty, dirty, and being forced to do it, under threat of violence. I long ago stopped trying to answer people asking, why do you like that, if they cannot understand. The simple answer is, because it turns me on.

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4 Responses to “Discovery”

  1. The simple answer is the only answer that matters. I love my fantasies of kidnapping and raping, I won’t apologize for them, because they are my fantasies. It’s what turns me on.

  2. Lover says:

    I do love what turns you on.

    If it’s any consolation, those of us on the top side of the equation have just as many qualms about wanting to abduct you, punish you and force you to do dirty things. We certainly do want to do those things though.

  3. PervertedImp says:

    Thank you both. 🙂

  4. Sparrow says:

    There are a lot of fantasies I keep to myself. But it all comes down to the fact that they turn me on. Keeping the explanation that simple is smart and something I need to remember. 🙂