Decisions

July 27th, 2012

I dislike the feeling of stringing someone along. I dislike even more, uncertainty. But I’m a stubborn one. Especially when it comes to changing a decision I had already made with finality. When I decide, this is what I’m doing for the rest of my life, and then something comes along and disrupts that, I dig in my heels and fight. I get upset, I get angry, I get sad. I do whatever I can think of to not have to change. But sometimes, change happens. Choices, even long term choices, don’t always last, don’t always survive the passage of time. Look at the divorce rate.

I posted a month ago, about taking care of the now, of change and of the whirlwind of life. Most of those things are in the process of being sorted out now. The immediate needs were taken care of and the rest are processing at their own speed. I posted about not having expectations, and letting things fall as they would.

One of those things has fallen in a very decisive manner, changing my poly landscape. Hubby and I have made the decision to remove romantic and sexual expectations from our marriage. I have been stepping back from these things most of this year. I have been stubbornly suggesting they are the goal of our counseling sessions. That we will eventually get back to a “normal marriage” which would include those feelings and interactions again. But, as we worked on that, I found myself uninterested in those things from him, uninterested in returning to those things with him. But that’s what we’re supposed to do, right? That’s gotta be the goal, cuz that’s “normal,” right?

Hubby kindly pointed out that if I don’t want those things, there’s no use forcing them. It will only make us both miserable. He also pointed out, that doesn’t mean we have to divorce, we’re poly after all, we make our own relationship rules. We don’t have to conform to the “norm.” So, we are still married, still planning our lives together, still loving and supporting each other. Romance and sex are simply not a part of the relationship anymore. Some say this is where all marriages end up, eventually, we just hadn’t planned on it being this soon. But as I said a month ago, nothing ever goes as planned.

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