I Don’t Know What I’m Saying

February 23rd, 2012

Souls, so intertwined, finding each other through space and time. Again and again. They meet and fall in love. But is it meant to be, or is it just a force of habit? Was the jealousy true, or just a flash of loneliness? Did she really want him, or just someone, to share her life with? Is it love or just comfort she finds and clings to? The easy path is rarely the best, but neither is the most difficult always the right way. Life is hard, but it doesn’t always have to be a challenge. Love is easy, relationships are complicated. And not always meant to last. Take from each one what you can, but don’t cling to dead and dying things. Let them go. Give them peace.

One more chance. Your last chance. We say these things often, but do we really mean it? How many last chances, how many times do we say one more? When is enough enough? How do we know? Bible says forgive 70 times 7 times, so that you, too, may be forgiven. Not so you count the number of times, but to emphasize unlimited forgiveness. But there’s a difference between forgiveness and staying in a bad situation. You can forgive and still leave.

Do your best. Don’t give up. Quitters never prosper. We are trained from an early age to keep trying. To stick with any commitment you make, never go back on an agreement or vow. Your integrity depends on it. We form bonds and cling to them ever so tightly. And yet, friendships are destroyed with a careless word. Relationships end over single wrong doings, real or imagined. The divorce rate is ridiculously high. We are pressured to hang on, and yet so often we let go. Sometimes for good reasons, some times for bad, and sometimes for no reason at all.

I don’t know what I’m saying. Words are just falling out of my fingertips. I saw this quote today: “Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.” ~Isaac Asimov It is true for me as well. I think through my fingers, ramble more freely in written or typed words than I do aloud. I don’t worry so much about whether I’m making sense, or speaking clearly or loudly enough. I can just keep going and going, with no concern for whether I’m being heard.

I don’t think today’s post is going to make sense, but I’m not sure I am ready to make sense right now. I’m okay with letting everything continue to spin. Maybe it’ll make more sense when it finally comes out if it’s had enough time to spin and whirl and simmer and boil. I let the top off now and again. I let the steam out, so it doesn’t just explode the pot. Just a little longer and it will be ready to serve. Monkey brain delight. Fresh from the skull.




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