Negotiating with Loved Ones, or What Poly Means to Me

February 4th, 2010

Maybe I should officially switch to Thursday post, it seems to work better for me lately.

Poly relationships, I have said before, are balanced largely on communication. Also important are consideration, compromise, and compersion. Sorry about the alliteration, but it works for me. Negotiating relationships and boundaries is an important part of maintaining balance and happiness for all partners. Every relationship is different, what works for one, may not work for another, and what worked last month may not work this month. People change and grow and relationships have to do the same to keep up.

In any relationship, you have to have consideration for your partner, for their feelings, for their triggers and for their foibles. Mindfulness, to me, is next to godliness. And compromise follows right along behind. Being willing to give and take to keep the balance. But also remembering that you have to do both, one-sidedness is not compromise. Compersion is hardest, being happy for what your partner has with their other partners, instead of our normal human reaction of jealousy.

I admit, I’m not always mindful. I sometimes do not want to compromise. And for some people, I just have a hard time even approaching compersion. That is okay, I grow, I learn and I keep moving forward. I keep trying, I keep loving and I keep communicating as best I can.


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